Alright guys it's been awhile... A little toooooo long since I last blogged. Oh well. I've been reaching home rather late these past few weeks and also, we just finished our first ever diploma show in LASALLE School of Dance history so yeah.

I've been feeling lots of rather positive vibes from my friends and basically everything around me for the past few weeks. Like I haven't been negative in like the longest time EVER. & When I do feel like someone's being negative and shit, it kinda affects me alot and I could actually block their negativity out of my world. For me it's a really huge thing because negativity has been part of me since like forever. But I'm so sorry to disappoint you guys. You thought I've changed for the better but I have bad news.

I've been trying to block out these horrible feelings since last week but it just doesn't really go away and I don't know what to do. It all started when we had our Diploma show rehearsals. I realised Miss Melissa has stopped noticing me unless I make a very huge mistake. To me I feel like it's not a good sign that she's not giving me notes for me to work on. It just means that I did not catch her attention at all while I was performing. Whatever it was I felt like maybe I'm just thinking too much so I just let it go.

We had in total 5 shows including dress runs. I actually fell sick on Friday. & Saturday. It was horrible. But i was just like MIND OVER BODY MIND OVER BODY. I kept praying that the fever will go away and it did. Not like entirely but at least strong enough to get out of bed and perform~ Shafiq Afiq Rif Shawn most of the performance kids that I'm close with came on the first dress rehearsal. They gave me extremely good compliments and stuff and I was just overwhelmed by their kindness. The thing is........ Are they all true...? Like why do I only hear compliments from them? It's always them.... No one else tells me whatever they tell me. Others probably don't even see me. Out of all the shows, I did not catch anyone's attention at all. It made me feel so fucking horrible. The worst part was the positions that I was placed at were all rather frontal. This shows how bloody fshejklfscinrucfljodsfisnjdfkn i am. I catch no one's attention. AM I THAT BAD. My parents didn't comment about me at all. I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel about that. & i'm not the kind to ask for comments. Like if you catch my attention I'll definitely say something about you. & if you didn't, obviously there's nothing to say. So of course I assume I wasn't up to their standard for them to at least give me some encouraging words. Sigh. . . .

Coach Ling gave comments today. I felt like his comments were actually valid. But still it just deepened the 'wound' that was already opened. When will I ever shine? I think I'll cry if a stranger ever comes up to me and tell me I did a good job.

Making me think alot about my future man. I've been thinking ALOT. I really feel like there's not enough time for me to think about my future. I definitely need an alternative path.

Didn't felt good during ballet class just now because my shin was hurting so bloody badly that I could feel it when I releve. I kinda know that I've hurt my shin pretty badly but I was just trying to psycho myself to think that it's not that bad, hoping that the pain will go away. Until now it's still hurting. What's worst is that I've aggravated my knee injury. Stupid shit. I was acting all heroic and shit during Viewpoints. I attempted to copy one of Joey's movement which was on the floor. She was just dragging her knee on the floor. I copied her and after doing that I couldn't stand up properly. I really thought I recovered. But after awhile the pain kinda gone away until we started doing bharata natyam. HORRIBLE IT'S SO BAD FOR THE KNEES I DON'T KNOW WHY WE'RE DOING BHARATA NATYAM OMG. WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY PROBLEMS IT'S ANNOYING ME. (sigh i'm sorry guys bear with me it's not my day really monday blues)

Maybe it's just today. You know maybe today's just the day where everything seems out of place. I pray for a better day tomorrow. Goodnight guys. Tomorrow will definitely be a better day.