Finally went to hip hop class after such a freaking long time. I've lost it. I lost my basics. I totally blanked out when I was asked to dance the whole thing full out at the end of class. I was disappointed in myself yet I still felt like I had fun. Sigh.... 

This is the thing. I know being versatile is a good thing. But I've asked my mother this question before, "if you could choose between being very good at one thing, or be average in everything, which would you choose?" Mama told me, "I have already reached my goal of being very good at one thing, so now I wanna be versatile." 

I don't wanna be versatile because I feel like if I can't even do ONE THING well, being versatile is not even gonna save me. At least if I have one thing that I'm good at, and if all else fails, I still have that one thing to fall back on. 

During the 1 month where I constantly went for classes, I really felt like I was getting somewhere. Not yet there of course but at least I felt good about myself. I felt like I knew alittle bit more than people who didn't take classes. And then school started. Making me demoralized every single day. Injecting stress into my brains and body.

I felt like not only did I disappoint myself I disappointed Kayte too. Sigh this sucks man. What do I want in life? I really don't know. All I know now is that I really wanna be good at one thing. It's ok if I don't have the talent. I just really wanna get my basics right. 

Spent my whole day watching dramas. Lol why am I always watching people fall in love. Watching the main character behave like how I did for the whole day, waiting for people to reply me. I really wanna live in a drama. No I don't want it to happen to me real life because shit is just gonna be 10 times worse but.... Lol only in dramas you see a poor girl have so much attention. Only in dramas you see fate happen. YIKES dreaming already. Can't blame me it's 2 in the morning and I don't wanna sleep because I'm afraid whatever that was ongoing today, might not carry on tomorrow anymore. 

So much to say yet I don't wanna feel like a burden. So much I wanna know about you yet I don't wanna feel like a creeper. It's so hard to read you. I just don't know now I'm so tired. 

Tomorrow's Sunday again. Argh worse days of the week: Sundays and Thursdays. Sundays because it's the end of the weekend. Thursdays because that's the day where I feel the most worn out after a week of craziness yet Thursday's schedule is the most tiring. 

I need an anti-depressant. Not because I'm depressed but an anti-depressant actually stops me from craving for food. It doesn't make me feel hungry at all. And I love that feeling of not feeling hungry and being able to reject food. Gah ok goodnight guys I think I should end my post here or else I'll just blabber more nonsense. Heh heh heh