R a n t

MOTHER FUCKING TIRED OF SCHOOL.

1 more fucking month I don't know if I can survive this. So many presentations due so many essays due. All my dance exams are all coming. Fuck this shit one more month. I NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS.

Everyday is just mentally and physically draining. How can I take it!??!??!?! Poly students complain what alot of homework alot of presentations alot of essays? Excuse me we have the same work load as you EXCEPT WE DRAIN OURSELVES PHYSICALLY TOO BY MADASS TEACHERS. Teachers that make us do intense body conditioning when we're supposed to enjoy Jazz class. Teachers that make us do one contemp exercise for at least 45minutes. Then teachers who also complain why we have no drive in every lesson. Don't they feel like they are pushing us a little bit too much!?!?!??! Oh god damn it.

& We have to deal with teachers who constantly give us extremely self hurting remarks. God damn it GOD DAMN YOU. Albert's class is the one of the classes where I put in my 200%. Even if my legs break I'll still give my all. Yes I got insulted like mad today, by him. I don't know whether to say, at least he scolded me. It shows that he didn't give up on me. OR he just hates fat people in general so he just hates me. At first I was just taking it in. Like yeah I feel bad that I made a mistake okay yeah I geddit. But I don't know. Maybe because I didn't show any reaction, he continued insulting me. He said only in LASALLE, dancers keep putting on weight even after dancing for so long. He said how I'm so fat like a pig and I still dared to dance. He even cursed me that I will never ever succeed even after I graduated. He didn't bet his life but it was almost close to that. He said "I guarantee you, you'll definitely not get anywhere even after you graduate." I'M IN A SCHOOL FOR A REASON? IF I WAS THAT GOOD WOULD I NEED TO COME TO SCHOOL? IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NOT TRYING I TRY SO HARD. I don't need to get into his good books I JUST DON'T WANNA GET INTO HIS BAD BOOKS.

You know what? I know I shouldn't be thinking so much on what he tells me because afterall, it doesn't matter. Because once he's out of the class, he practically forgets what he tells me. (At least that's what I think) But still he's a very honest teacher. He tells you straight in your god damn face. I know it's true. That's the ugly reality. I just want to prove him wrong like the first step to that is getting his god damn exercises right. As for my size, god damn it suay like mad. I know i've been putting on weight because I've been snacking alot due to stress. Plus I've been very bloated these few days so I had this little belly going on. & HE JUST HAD TO PICK ON MY STOMACH. So many places he could say like my thigh or my arms. WHY MY STOMACH. I mean that's the smallest part of my body. If he says my thighs I understand BECAUSE YEAH I HAVE FUCKING THUNDER THIGHS. FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE I AM GOING ON A DIET. Yes fuck it I don't even care if it's unhealthy ANYMORE. I make sure by Monday my stomach is flat like hell. By Tuesday it's gonna be so flat he can't even say anything.

So fucking irritated with my life right now. I'm just like argh need some me-time so bad. No one to talk to. No one to confide in. No one to tell me how I can get rid of this stress that I always bring to the people around me. All i fucking know how to do is cry. Fuck you sia Shan. However I did felt a sense of comfort from my mommy just now when she came to fetch me from school. Sigh

Dramaturgy is so brain damaging like what the shit my brain can't function anymore for christ's sake. Just now we had to present our "choreography" and our team was focusing on Time and Regret. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK OF WHAT I REGRET IN LIFE WHEN ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS ALBERT'S HARSH WORDS ON ME?! I swear I tried so fucking hard to not cry. Tried so fucking hard to snap out of it. To think of something else other than his words. It's so hard I just can't.

I really don't know right now I can't think straight I just don't wanna think of school right now. Argh fuck school.

PS dont judge me for my grammer or my english because right now I'm just typing and typing and I don't even care if it looks bad BECAUSE I DON'T CAREEEEEE.