Went to ICA to get my IC done with my dad on a Sat morning. I was literally a walking zombie. So damn tired. Met up with Andrea Amanda and Jai on Saturday at Thomson~~ Had awesome cafe food and awesome ice cream. H2h talks. In the evening we went to Andy's house to chill.. I was literally fighting with myself to stay awake. & That anxiety in me was killing me. "Oh god what is he thinking. Does he think I'm cray. Shit what did i write in the letter seriously someone kill me" yup those were my thoughts. Went to J8 for dinner. Fat day la fat. Stayed up till 2ish to catch up with my series. HAH you see!!?!? Even when i'm sleep deprived I still stay up to watch show. I must be insane.
Woke up this morning at 6am FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT REASON. I checked my phone and I went back to sleep till 11am. I actually slept till 11am!!!!!? GOSH ITS BEEN AWHILE. I've recently been waking up at 8/9 automatically. No matter how tired I am I still can't sleep. It rained today!!!! No wonder my room was exceptionally cold and cozy and there were no sun shining on my ass too!! So shiok~~~ So i woke up, check my messages and one of them was from my mom. "Did you even sleep?" What -_- Just because my last seen is 6am doesn't mean I stay up till 6 yo mother. I don't do that shit during school days. Oh well okay that Thursday was an exception. I don't even know how I did that.
Went to Vivo with Ben to catch Need for Speed. THE SHOW SUCKED GUYS. DON'T CATCH IT. Didn't really do much other than talk. Had to go meet my parents for dinner so I went off at 6-ish. I was pretty troubled after leaving hmmm.
"Got introduced to you by a friend. You were cute and all that baby you set the trend. Yes you did oh. The next thing I know, we're down at the cinema. We're sitting there you said you love me.. What's that about? You're moving too fast I don't understand you. I'm not ready yet baby I can't pretend. No I can't. The best I can do is tell you to talk to me. It's possible eventual. Love will find a way. Don't say you love me, you don't even know me. If you really want me, then give me some time. Don't go there baby, not before I'm ready. Don't say your heart's in a hurry. It's not like we're gonna get married. Give me some time."
Don't say you love me - M2M
"Love" is a really big word. It's also an overrated word. For me it takes years to build my feelings up to the point of "love". I don't just randomly tell anyone "I love you". It's just like wtf. "I'll accompany you through your days. As a friend or a punching bag. Haha in return, you be my outing buddy, crapping buddy and all that until you find a nicer guy or when you feel you're ready." Until I find a nicer guy? What. I feel bad in all honesty.... It's not fair to him at all and I told him that. He said "To me it's not whether it's fair or not. It's if I can make you happy, smile or just be a listening ear. Even if it doesn't work out, I know I made you happy."
This all goes back to loving someone or being loved by someone. Why do I choose to be miserable? Why do I always choose to love someone who doesn't love me? (Saying in general not anyone in particular) Why can't I just accept the love and deal with it?.... Because I just can't. That's too fake. I can't bring myself to hurt someone else because my heart is obviously somewhere else.
I feel like a bad person now. Fug I've always been feeling like a bad person since beg of Feb. I'm like.... a person with a lost soul. Don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Literally pushing all of them away. But at the same time giving them hopes. Like fuck shan what the fuck are you doing!? Many times I wish I'm just not sober. At least that's a valid excuse to ignore the world or to do something stupid and blame it on the fact that I'm not sober. Lol
Yvonne kicked some sense in me just now. Meh she's right la I'm just being crazy and all sia seriously. Finding trouble for myself sia really.
I'm actually slightly thankful I don't have classes at LASALLE in the morning for the whole of next week. Also quite a number of afternoon classes are cancelled. I'm gonna try my best to not see them.... Argh fuck running away again. Lol.
GOTTA TELL Y'ALL ABOUT MY DREAM. YES IT SCARES THE SHIT OUTTA ME. Remember how I said my dreams will come true? My dreams always have some meaning to it like it's trying to tell me something. On Friday night I dreamt that someone was able to control the photos you post on Instagram. Like he was able to change that photo if he thinks its not supposed to be there or something like that. In my dreams, he switched away D and I's photos. I was so mad I kept telling him to switch it back. But it didn't. So I actually didn't remember I have this dream when I woke up on Saturday. It came back to me because I randomly went to him profile unknowingly in the evening and I realised me and his photos were gone on his instagram profile. Then I remember I dreamt of this the day before. & I went like what. the. fuck?!?!?! So creepy. This is creepy as shit k.
This is not.... the first time k. NOT. So I dreamt of Ben while I was napping in the morn before meeting my homies on Saturday. It wasn't a good dream uh so I didn't wanna tell him. In the afternoon when HE was napping, he told me he dreamt of me. LIKE WHAAAAAT. How in the world??!?!? So creeped out by this. Because of this now I wonder those days when I dreamt of that person, did he dream of me too....? LOL aiya chances like -1000% sia. (pls take note of the negative sign in front)
School school school... Essays essays essays... Exams exams exams... Good luck to me not retaining...
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