I feel so sleep deprived right now goodness gracious. I slept at almost 4 last night..... I can't believe myself. On a weekday I stayed up till 4. Wow. To write a letter. To think of what to say and what not to. But right now I can't remember what I even wrote. & I'm actually getting kinda scared. But you know what? yolo. Yes fuck this shit I know I'm gonna treat it like the letter never even existed like he never even read it because yeah I just know it.

Could hardly wake up the next morning but I did anyway because I was afraid that my attendance would be bad. Skipped like 2 Pilates already. Super zombified. Didn't die in Jazz shockingly. Wushu wasn't tiring either. I didn't take any naps today. WOW I'm amazing man. 

When I know I'm not ready I'm just not. Courage? NONE. No words are able to come out of my mouth when I'm with him now. Always afraid I might say something wrong. Afraid I might just push him even further than he already is. God why god I don't even know what kind of feeling is this. Maybe it's just nonsense maybe I need to stop. I stopped for a month.... Why did I suddenly start again? Walao shanette tan. 

Reached back home at 8 to change and bathe. Had a short meet up at Holland v with Ben, my long lost friend of 3 years LOL. It was a great night and I Ioved it. I love people who can just keep talking non stop la~~ Can't wait to see him on Sunday again hahahah cuz today was too short a meeting. 

Reached back home at 1ish and right now it's already almost 3. I'm super deprived of sleep. Gotta wake up at 8 tomorrow cuz I gotta make my stupid IC. Argh. But yay excited to my ma homies for awesome brunch tomorrow. 

MUACKS GOODNIGHT I NEED MA SLEEP