"Out of sight, out of mind?" Nah

Here's me and mummy's fail attempt to sexy wink y'all 

Finally bought a new power bank. Gosh my iPhone 5s battery is fucked up. Haven't been able to survive without a power bank for the past 2 months. 

Met up with my girls again today. I am feeling very neutral today. I am not happy, neither am I sad. I'm not dreading school tomorrow because my body's not aching. I'm like worried about deadlines yet I'm quite cool about it because I'm such a last minute person when it comes to work. 

It's okay to care, even when you shouldn't.

"In too many circumstances lead with doubt and indecision, we find ourselves compelled to pick choices at the opposite ends of a spectrum ---- an all or nothing mentality. When love is unreciprocated or relationships end badly, often the pain is too difficult to bear. Solid friendships that blossomed into romance are discontinued and never the same again, until the heart finds a way to mend itself and find the courage to start anew."

"We seek to escape from being shackled by lingering emotional remnants, an ostensible repercussion of being in the middle. That explains why we sometimes choose to forget that person entirely, or languish in a vortex of bitterness and hatred to cushion our ego. Indulging in spiteful gratification comforts us that we are in control of ourselves. We do what we do to make ourselves feel better, whatever it takes to alleviate the sting of a bad break-up or unrequited love. It is the easy way out, and the most effective." 

Exactly how I felt. I did what I could to divert my attention to somewhere else. One distraction after another. Because it was the easy way out. 

"Perhaps the pain could be lessened by coming to terms with the fact that it is ultimately okay to still care, to always care about someone whether as a friend or not. And perhaps that is the truest, most unconditional form of love. To be able to put yourself down to a level where you know the love may never be returned, but you refuse to short change your feelings. To not berate yourself for being a lovelorn fool caring for someone who may not feel anything more for you, but accepting that these are the way things are now. Accept that it is okay to feel this way. It is okay to still care about a particular someone while you are going through the tedious journey of getting over him or her, and it is possible for both mentalities to co-exist at the same time. In essence, you are learning to respect yourself by respecting your feelings." 

I need to get this in my head. I need to be able to accept this. & stop hating myself for holding on to nothing. Stop pretending like I don't care because I feel like the one who cares less has more power. I need to stop convincing myself that all this is nothing. Major sad face. Cray feelings will probably only kick in during the holidays. When I know there's no more school excuses that he can use and yet he's still not talking to me. When I know that his phone is in perfect condition yet he's not texting me. He chooses not to. Maybe I'm just waiting for that moment. Then maybe it'll all sink in and I can finally move onto the next phase of my life. Lol 

Gosh random articles that I read always hit me like crazy. It's like every single day there is definitely 1 article that's so darn relatable to my life. 

Woohoo school again tomorrow. Just 4 more weeks to go. This feels like my life in Sec 3. 4 weeks to decide whether I'll promote or retain. Life's so tough. I really want my holidays. I want to sleep and wake up and go like WOW THERE'S NOTHING TO DO TODAY. Lol