I actually did something really stupid again on Sunday night... Well but it made me felt like if I didn't do it I'd regret. I was hesitant because i put my state of happiness on him. I told myself I didn't want to text him because if he doesn't reply it'll affect my state. And I couldn't afford to because it is assessment week. If he did though, it'll really change my mood and all that, l o l. We have all established that he hardly ever replies me right.... So yeah

He just doesn't have any idea how such a minor thing can put me into such a different mood. I slept immediately after sending him the text because I didn't wanna know whether or not he'll reply. Apparently I fell into deep sleep and subconsciously I thought I slept for hours..... I woke up and realised I only slept for 30minutes and I SAW HIS REPLY. I was like whaaaaat am i dreaming. I really thought I was. Didn't really read it and I fell asleep again. I really thought it was a dream okay. I woke up another 10minutes later to check my phone again. It was real guys there really was a reply... 

So yep I had a happy monday. Today was not so good though... Woke up with a bad back. Piercing pain throughout the day. Went to Albert's class in the morning and only 2 people from my class INCLUDING me went today. Oh wells wasn't that bad because class ended early. Felt like shit during ballet.... I was getting the enchainments but I felt like shit doing it.... Like oh my god it was just sucky. Maybe because I feel fat today. I mean I'm fat everyday but there was just those days where you look EXTREMELY fat and when you see yourself in the mirror you're just like you this fat piece of shit... LOL

Bodycon class was obviously cancelled.. Slept for like an hour and got disrupted by Afiq's cray loud voice.... This boy ah last warning forever disrupting my sleep on Tuesday afternoons. Felt like shit when I saw my film video, felt like shit during christina's reh. I hate it when my body takes over my mind. If i never mentioned recently, my legs hurts even when I'm walking. Slight running will just make my injured shins ring in pain. Christina's piece is just running running and more running. Oh my god 

Days like this make me miss the past where I would just look forward till the end of the day because I know the people I hung out with in sem 1 always brought me joy. Regardless how bad my day will be, I know just seeing them will make me smile. I never really knew whether this change was bad or good. I actually obviously feel more miserable right now. However if it weren't for change I wouldn't really know how I felt for him. We all know how long I've been debating with myself that whatever I'm feeling was just..... nothing and it'll go away. (someone tell me why it hasn't gone away) And then again sometimes I think I really don't need all this shit. I just want the old people back. I just want to hang out together and laugh away our school troubles. Now everything's so different. & it's not even a good different. Everytime I think about it I get sad. Sigh. I don't even know anymore... 

I'm suddenly so envious of people who are actually feeling happiness right now. Let me feel it too. I'm such a sad kid now. Forever feeling sad. Forever wanting to find somewhere that makes me happy. Shit I'm back in that state again. Fuck the cycle keeps repeating. As of now it's just assessments assessments and more assessments. I'll have TOO much time to think after the next 2 weeks is over. 

Meh I actually can't wait till I have a lot of time though. Hahahaha cheers shan I can get through this