FINALLY WATCHED THE FAULT IN OUR STARS......... GUYS I'VE NEVER CRIED SO MUCH FOR A MOVIE BEFORE. Ok hmmmm I did for a melodrama. Every episode also cry so tiring to watch that drama. KNOW WHAT DRAMA I'M TALKING ABOUT????? "I MISS YOU". The one yoochun was in. SO SAD OMG stupid make me cry so many days.

BACK TO THE FAULT IN OUR STARS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Omg how come it felt so relatable? I CAN'T UNDERSTAND. I mean I haven't been in love. I don't have cancer. Omg so much feels I can die. My heart literally BROKE. Broke ok. It's still broken when I browse through the ebook while I find the quotes. SO SAD I'M JUST SO SAD THINKING ABOUT IT WHY SO SAD!!!!! Hazel Grace's funeral note for Augustus...... Like what stop making me cry already.

“There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.” 
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Sobzzzz.... This is random but when they were at Amsterdam, I just got reminded of myself there last December. How I was just always trying to find wifi so i could talk to you. Lol. -_- If you know me I hate finding wifi when I'm overseas. I only do when I feel like somebody's more important in Singapore than my own freedom to escape reality. Fuck that shit. 

Okay had our last rehearsal today. Guess what? XT bailed on us. Fuck man this is the most.... chilled performance I'm going to ever have in history. Seriously feels like an unpaid gig. I feel so unprepared I can't even. The costume is so annoying too!!! Why do we have to switch so many costumes?!!!? In just a span of 3minutes?! Goodness. I just feel super unprepared. Miss Melissa didn't even check up on us....... 

After TFIOS we went to have dinner. Didn't eat of course. Stayed at burger king for like... 2hours almost? I just sat there... & listened to their conversations. Some of it which I haven't heard before. I don't understand eh someone enlighten me. WHY do people like to talk about me? I keep myself at such a low profile. I don't like talking to people whom I know I won't get close with. I hate small talks. I don't bother I don't care and REALLY all you a-holes are nothing to me. Half the things you talk about I probably don't even care anymore. I'm so annoyed. LOL I feel like I got no drama in my life but its the people around me that keeps giving me the drama. LIKE DUDES send me to the mountains I don't need shit like this. 

I don't know why I always get noticed for the wrong reasons. Why? "Eh she take selfie why like this" "Eh she dance why so ugly" "Eh her thighs damn big" "Eh walao her eyes so small" FUCK YOUJKENRCJKWNELKNCL LIKE FUCK YOU. Why can't people see the good side of people? Why all I hear from people's smelly ass mouths are bad UNNEEDED criticisms? Eh people you guys comment on people you think you perfect? Gah why i suddenly burst out in anger omg I'm crazy ya whateverrrr

So suddenly Jingwen decides to..... make me the center of attention. I felt weird talking because.... WELL you know I only talk when I'm with a ONE person I hate talking in groups ok. That's me accept it or shooooo. So it was just about my future plans and all that..... I have so much to say and yet I don't know what's stopping me. So many things going through my mind and all that jazz. 

Aiya today was a day of weird ass emotions. All sorts of emotions also have. Think about my love life la.... Think about my dance life la.... Think about stupid yfest performance la.... I was so desperate to find someone to have dinner with me tomorrow so I could rant. But I couldn't find anyone. Sucks sia. THIS SUCKS. Another reason was also because I also think they won't wanna hear my nonsense la. Sigh to the pie. I'm feeling everything in one night this is so weird. & to think I've gotten out of the negative phase. 

Yvonne's currently watching Winner and that's even more saddening. She keeps asking me why so many people's empathising Team A because Team B is obviously better. I'm just like argh. Time and time again people just prove me right. That talent is all that's needed in the arts world. Hardwork is bullshit. No one fucking sees how much effort you've put in to get to where you are. They just want to see your end result. Like fuck it kay. I don't know about you but... though I thought Team B should've won but Team A deserved to win. For the amount of effort that has put into their songs and dances. Some people just get it easier. Some people take advantage of that. & for Team A I see that they try so fucking hard I feel their fucking pain okay. No one of you fucking understands that shit. All y'all know how to do is say how lousy we are. Say all that bullshit that I've been so numb towards. 

And I just don't know why I'm such a sad person. Like so super sad internally. A question I question myself everyday. After watching TFIOS. Ha after all that's still a movie. I am really not sure if I can find someone in my life that'll love me for who am I. Love the downside of me. Love the sadness in me. Who the fuck? LOL please. 

Wah shit the more I type the more I think eh this is not very good. I think I should stop here. I apologise for this super anyhow post l o l