I came back to my senses.

Not really.

But I'm sorry for the rant.

I'm tired of being so sad. Tired of feeling so much. That's a fact. Everything I've been through this year, it's all bullshit. & I've been single. Yet I still feel so much. Like how even? I really can't imagine myself if I ever get into a relationship.

Of course I know this is just a phase. I know after a month this wouldn't matter anymore. At least that's what I hope. I blame myself for not knowing my own limits. I've only have myself to blame. If I see you again when I go back there, I'll say hi. Of course I will. Just hopefully I won't make the same mistake twice.

I don't know how don't know why but my dad talked to me this afternoon. About the same thing. About relationships mostly. I don't really know why. It was as if he knew what has happened to me. Obviously he doesn't. If he did I would've been slaughtered like a long time ago. Lol oh well. Not the point. The point was that I was just feeling too much feelings all at once. I've really let myself down. I know nothing I do right now can rewind time. So all I can do is to forgive myself, though I'm super unforgivable. So whatever.. I'll know my limits from now on. Whoever I meet in the future, he or she would have to accept me for who I am.. I'm sick of being someone else.

That doesn't stop me from going crazy. I'm still single. I'm still happy that I can be mingling around. I need a life. Especially when school is starting. I need a break from it. I don't think that's too much to ask for right? I guess this is who I am now. I can't go back to who I was. Right now I'm lost. I still don't know who I've become. Where did this Shanette come from? How did this Shanette came about? Why?

Why am I doing so much reflection? Hmmm :"( Going crazy hmmmm when I wrote this like 3 hours ago I swear I knew this was going to end well. But now it's night time. There are only 3 kinds of nights that I lead. 1. Days at home thinking about how lifeless I am. 2. Out partying. 3. Watching show. Of course today is number 1. Horrible. Mostly because school is about to start. I'm really very scared. :'( Why like this

AH whatevers till the next holidays guys. Maybe throughout the next 4 months something good will finally happen to me. Hor? Hahahhaha dreaming but never mind