Confused as fuck

To be honest, I really know this will not last. But at the same time though this might sound fucking crazy, I sense that he's so genuine it actually makes me feel like a jerk. You will get sick of me. You will leave me. You will go and find someone else that has similar outlooks as me. When you know the true me, I don't think you'll like me as much. As much as I want to like you back, I can't. I can't risk this. No one has ever stared at me like he has seen a goddess. No one has ever kissed all my flaws and think it's perfect. No one has ever seen me completely raw and still find me beautiful. No one has ever told me that I look beautiful when I sleep. No one except you.

But the time frame is too short. Things that come too fast often disappears fast too. Frankly i do not believe in love at first sight. Yeah maybe you can like how I look physically but how would you know who I am when you first look at me? How would you know my story and how would you know whether or not you'll be able to accept who I am once you've known me? You say you'll accept my everything because you like me. You say you're different from everyone else because you like me. 

"Sucks when you kinda like someone but you can't tell anyone about it cause your friends might judge. & you're alone thinking whether you should stop liking this person because you don't know if you guys have a chance. But you just can't help but to like that person a little more everyday and you know you're so dead." 

Yup i'm dead. But i just refuse to admit it. I refuse to believe all of this is actually happening. Really can't be. I would like to believe that you're just another phase that I'm just gonna reminisce in a few months. Is it weird? I mean every guy that i've talked to done the same to me. Talk cock eat shit, leave. How would I know if you wouldn't do the same? No matter how I see this situation I really don't see how it's gonna work. I deserve so much more yet I let people always fucking climb above my head. Don't even fucking know why.

"Just please don't say you love me cuz I might not say it back. Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping when you look at me like that..  Fools rush in. & i've been the fool before. This time I'm gonna slow it down cuz I think this might be more, the thing I'm looking for."

I get scared when people tell me they love me. That sentence can be overrated to the whole entire universe but to me it'll always hold strong meaning. As smart or as careful as I think I am, I'm still very stupid in so many ways. So..... seriously don't do this to me. Can't take it.