OLLLLAAAAA

WHERE DO I START HELLO GUYS I AM BACK. Okay I have ALOT of things on my mind right now LIKE SCHOOL'S A FUCKING BIG FAT BURDEN BUT I'M ALREADY HALFWAY THROUGH THE SEMESTER I CAN DO THIS SHIT YAW

So recently XT just bombed us. Like beginning of the semester, he said we would have to do a choreography of our own and block our dancers and all that shits next semester. So 2 weeks ago he told us that THIS SEMESTER, we have to do that shit. So on one of the Fridays he was like "come up with 8 eights by Monday to any street style." When i hear that my heart almost drop to the floor and fly away. I'VE NEVER EVER MANAGED TO CHOREO TO MORE THAN 2 EIGHTS IN MY LIFE. Like never really. How was I supposed to choreograph 8 eights in freaking 2 days?! Almost killed myself.

Ok so in the back of my mind I kinda knew the feel to my choreo. I had everything planned out in my head. So I stuck to the idea on Friday night and Saturday. I tried choreographing on Saturday. I failed badly. All of a sudden I had no inspiration to that song. But I still wanted to keep to it. So I did. On Sunday i had no inspiration AT ALL. So i gave up. I gave myself the entire afternoon to look through videos of amazing choreographers and think of what my piece should look like. I still couldn't. So I told myself after dinner I DIE ALSO MUST COME UP WITH CHOREOGRAPHY.

That did happen. But.... I swear I couldn't feel the song that I chose. I initially chose Coke Bottle by Angez Mo. Epic fail. So I decided to go all Rihanna and play old school songs like Don't stop the music and Disturbia. I was feeling it yaw but..... I felt like it was so clubbish that I realised all I did was jump around HAHAHA WTF. Ok then!? I saw Britney Spears. TOTALLY MY JAM. So I played one of my faves "Up and Down" and in 2hours I got not only 8 eights, but 10 eights. Whut. WHUT???? I TOOK 2 DAYS EMOING OVER THE FACT THAT I MIGHT NOT HAVE ANY CHOREO AND THEN.... Suddenly I have like super inspiration. I don't know when I clicked the song I immediately went like "Ah yaaas that song da one"

Monday I did screw up my own choreography. So intense this XT i stress i see him LOL.. Ok after all our solo showcase this XT made us do another activity. He split the class into half, made one half learn my choreo and the other half learn Luv's choreo and we had to put formations into it IN 15MINUTES.. I gotta be honest. I truly felt happy when he called my name or like when he chose my choreography. LOL. OK I KNOW.... It might be because my choreo is easy to learn compared to the others in the short period of time but... STILL HE CHOSE MINE OK. After we showed, he told us that our formations could be less straightforward blabla... After the class he told us by Friday we have to show this choreography with the 2 dancers that we picked and put formations in them. STRESS AGAIN. LIKE HOW EVEN. I've never done shit like that like formations my formations all so simple.

On Tuesday I missed out on my daily Maz's class to block my choreo. I cut down to 8 eights because I had no time... I honestly felt toasted... Cuz my piece looked horrible.. :( & I didn't know how to fix it so I felt so sad. On Friday when I showed it. I honestly still felt like I was gonna be pinpointed like mad because the first to showcase was Luvenia. But woah XT made her change formations and all that on the spot make me so stressed like I totally saw myself in her state too. Guess what? IT DIDN'T HAPPEN TO ME? I can't decide if XT doesn't really care about me.... Or that my piece really didn't look that bad, it's just me and my low self esteem issues. After the class ended, he said "After watching all of the pieces, the pieces that I will always remember will be Cheryl's Shanette's and Andrea's." I WAS STUNNED. I mean c'mon. I honestly don't think anyone in the class expected to hear my name. They be like whut shanette whut are you for real. Chey think I don't know lol.

Now.... I have to work on my FINAL assessment? Whut. I have come up with 1 minute of freaking choreography. What he doing.... Training us to be choreographers issit. I suck at it so badly I can't even. My vocab so fixed I feel like shit everytime when I need to come up with choreography. Like sai ok SAI. But ya I kinda have some sort of inspiration right now. So random... I swear I have the most random moments okay.

Went out with koala today. Oh my god he turned out to be so different. Wells I actually expected most of him but.... still there were so many sides to him that made me not regret today. I'm sorry I've been so numb to feelings nowadays I don't even know when is right to feel. As of now he has definitely been so nice in so many ways but.... is this for real? It feels so surreal that I am not ready to feel anything. I am not ready to put myself into anything and then die and slap myself afterwards. No. I can't. I can't believe someone out there is actually willing to accept all my flaws. I can't believe it!!!!!! Argh. Feeling so bad right now but.... Oh wells time will reveal everything.

Dip show is in like less than 2 months and we've got NO PIECES COMPLETED. NONE. Wtf man. Really this Melissa asking for trouble. Why couldn't she put in more rehearsals for this year's dip show FIRST then concentrate on next year's dip show? I swear she's overloading us with so many shit I'm like so fucking confused with life right now. So zoned out most of the time because my brain can't seem to switch fast enough. Motor dying off seriously. Life? What is life. No life. Friends? What is friends? No friends. Don't even have time for myself still can friends ah. I have so many work due once again and thankfully next week is project week. I promise to spend my free time on my Jazz essay and my mock scholarship interview that's about to come up this coming Saturday... Sigh no freaking time!!!!

But ok it's all gonna be worth it. All gonna be over. I can do this shizzzz goodnight bitches