Good evening bitches

Saturday night was one of the most sober nights of my life. It's official. The party life for me is OVER. You wouldn't believe it's me at a party last night I swear to god. I couldn't stand the alcohol. I loved the music but I had no mood to move because I was too hella sober and the dance floor had nobody. Also I was feeling rather down before heading to the party.. Why? Becuz before that I was with the boy and it was the last time I'm gonna see him till like a month or so later... It's fucking saddening and I hate it. I tried so hard not to sob but I don't understand why the tears just kept on flowing WTH IS WRONG WITH ME.

He came to fetch me at around 11 and we went for brunch because this boy didn't eat the previous night. Went kopitiam to eat (like finally he's not spending so much on me and i'm so happy) but HE AND THE TAXI UNCLE LAST WARNING. "Eh kopitiam no aircon one hor" I can't stand this stereotype that people put on me. "She lives in a big house I don't think she goes to kopitiams" Whut. NO. Sorry to disappoint I'M THE OPPOSITE. Don't tell me to eat all those weird ass high class dishes because gurl I have no idea how to. Bring me to a normal food stall and order laksa or meesiam for me because that's so much more delicious and filling. Argh. But alright I know he's kidding.

I can't stand his sweetness. :'( He asked me what I want and ordered for me. He told me to find a place to sit first and then he asked me what I wanna drink. When I said I can buy myself he insisted I just sit my ass down and he'll get it for me. Of course I feel bad but in my heart I'm just like wth no guy would ever do such things except my dad.

I'm honestly really happy to have met him. I'm the kind of girl that doesn't hide my feelings. I've heard from my friends that they can feel it when I talk about him? I don't know how to respond. I'm honestly abit too shy when they tell me that I'M SERIOUS.

For the past few days we've been talking about serious stuff and it scares me a little... :'( Because what if I lose him? What if this and that. There's so much at risk. My god been sobbing the past few days too... :'( WHY AM I SO WEAK AND VULNERABLE AND FULL OF SHITTY EMOTIONS SHANETTE TAN NEEDS TO GET HER SHIT TOGETHER. 1 bloody month cannot see him. Wtf. Can't even really contact him when I'm at italy PLUS THE BLOODY TIME DIFFERENCE. Why is time so not on our side?

I love this guy, so much. 

I was so angry with my mom today. I am also angry at myself, for making so much trouble. I wish I could be a good liar sometimes but I really can't. I know him myself. I know what kind of a guy is he. I know his first impression is bad. I know he has flaws many people will not accept. But please he's the best man I've ever met IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I do not need explain to the whole world why I love him. I do not need to share my sweet memories that I have with him with others because those memories belongs to me and only me. Yes I know time proves everything. But at the same time, it doesn't measure our love. I agree it's been not long. There's a reason why I'm trying to take everything slow. Before I do anything I think more than twice. I know what I'm doing. Give him time. Give me time. If i can see the beautiful side of him, I'm sure my parents will be able to. Because mom you know you've been through whatever I'm going through now. I believe she understands. I really hope they will love him as much as I do, because he really deserves it.

I have so many things to apologise for. Maybe I should really start going back to church.

Been thinking about what to get for him for soooo long. I miss him so much it's crazy. I can't bear to think about that 1 month. I really can't. :( Yes it's December the first. December, my fave month of the year... Yet my first day sucked balls.

Maybe the italy trip will make me closer to my family... Or I would drift apart... Idk that's what I felt from the Japan trip earlier this year. Didn't enjoy it. I never ever enjoy my japan trips. I don't know why. I enjoy being in Europe but I really hate the food there. & Doesnt help that when I'm there I'm gonna be so lovesick. Lol worse feeling of my life. Can I stuff him in my luggage?