So quickly CNY hols are over... ;( Sigh sadpies... Another week of drama in my house. 

I'm so tired to rant already. I'm so tired of giving in to people. I'm always trying to keep things low. Aways trying to not find trouble. And yet people always like to climb above my head. Love to make me boil like nobody's business. Just because I don't talk. Just because I let it go. Once or twice I forgive. But everyone has its own limits. I'm sick of all these fucking shit people. 

I'm sick of my parents always nagging and scolding me over the smallest stupidest things ever. "Oh when you become a parent you'll understand how we feel." NO I will not castle my child as crazy as y'all. Yes I know I forgive but I'll never forget. I will never ever forget.. I will never forget anyone that has betrayed me. Never forget who I used to love and who walked away from me. I'll never forget how they used to cane me so bad. Never forget the maid that tortured me when I was barely 5. I'm sick. I'm tired. I can't stand being the nice person anymore. When I've reached my maximum of the maximum trust me I will walk out. I fucking will. 

I don't know what to do or what to feel anymore. It's like everyone is out to fight and push me down. I know I always block and filter people out of my life. That's only because I hate people who two face me. I can't stand people who gossip. Like why the fuck do people do that. Okay there are times when I can't tolerate something and maybe I'll say something nasty. But that's only maybe 2 out of 10 times. I do not respect people who take gossiping as a lifestyle. I always remember this, "If they can gossip about someone else, they can gossip about you too." And sorry I can't take that shit. I rather not listen to people who talk shit about people. I'd rather be in my own world. Only then when you gossip about me, I'll feel nothing because I know you're not important in my life. You can talk as much as you want about me but it doesn't affect me. It's only the people who are close to me and they talk about me, that's when I need to kick you out of my life. I don't take in any fucking lame shit excuses cuz I don't have time for that. 

I hate how I don't know how to express my emotions well. I have so much to say all the time but I just can't. I just refuse to let the world know what I'm thinking. I just can't stand the world!!!!!!! 

My parents think they know me the best. Do they really? Do they really know what kind of a person I am? Or do they just think they know what kind of a person I am. The kind of daughter they picture in their head doesn't even sound like me. I'm not even trying to live in denial. I'm just sad that sometimes the way they think about me is just so damn wrong. If they say I'm childish, they haven't seen enough teenagers nowadays. 

Honestly if I could runaway to another country and start anew, I would. Of course I'd bring my baby along. Only then my world would be complete. No he doesn't complete me. I complete myself. He is there to make it even more complete. And I love him, for still standing by my side despite all the shit that has been going on.... All the drama

that he has to go through because of me. 

I really want to start a life with him... In my heart I want it more than him... I want to have a house of our own. I want to have a family. But it's still so early to say anything. We're not even a year old. I always have this fear something might happen. I hate this I can't get rid of it. I really have faith in us.. I hope whatever happens we will never give up on each other... I am so scared one day he cannot tolerate me anymore he'll leave. I'm so scared if I don't change sooner he'll be gone T_T What would I do...  I love him and I'm really the luckiest girl because he makes me feel so blissful everytime... No boyfriend in the world is ever like him.. 

He always ask me why am I not tired. Because really talking to him is more impt than sleep. Because I rather be awake to talk to him. Because when I'm sleeping I feel so far away from him. Everytime he needs to leave I feel so sad. Why must he leave. Why must the day end. Why.... Week after week after week I get this post weekend syndrome. Even when I see him so much the past 2 weeks, it still feels like it's not enough. I feel so greedy sometimes. 

This week is project week. I honestly have quite a lot of things undone. It's easier to survive the day when the day in school is so short. I wished my daily curriculum is like this... Hais. I miss my baby.. I really never knew I could miss someone so bad until him... I just don't know how to explain this feeling of his absence.