Alohaaaaa~

Reaching the period where I'm just rushing all my crazy assessments one after another.. But you know what???? I'M GLAD I HAVE DARLING BESIDE MEEEEE.

So Tuesday night I was rushing my world of contemp presentation with my group. Boyfriend was on leave so he came to find me after school for dinner and then waited for me to end my discussion with my group. For the first time ever I wasn't just looking at my other friends' other half waiting for them. My other half was actually waiting for me.. It just felt nice to know he's just over there. On the other hand obviously I feel bad though that he is there doing nothing and I know how much he hates doing nothing. If it was me it'd be a different story cuz I'd wait for him no matter what. At least I can see him..

The past week I've been feeling like the honeymoon phase is slowly fading away. Felt sucky every now and then because I just feel like his patience for me has shorten a lot.. I remember how before we got together he has never gotten angry at me ever. My biggest fear in a relationship is when one stops trying so hard just because one party feels like they'll love each other forever and they think the other party will just let it go... And eventually he'll get sick of me, tired of my nonsense and no longer give a shit. That's the worse shit that can ever happen to me. Like I said in my previous post somewhere that... If I don't change soon, sooner or later he'll just seriously burst and legit walk away from me. But it's just so hard.

I think I'll never be able to get my point through that I'll forever be insecure about myself. Not because of him. Now I know why people say "Before you love someone, you gotta love yourself." I don't love myself. I don't trust myself. I don't believe in myself. I believe he won't cheat on me. But I don't believe that I'm attractive enough to make him stay. I hate to see my legs. I hate to see my fat ass thighs. I can't even understand how he can see past it... I hate my bloody tummy jiggling like free. I read somewhere that you should never ever tell your boyfriend what you're insecure about yourself because then you're drawing attention to the part you don't want him to see the most. It's true....

Also... When I miss someone I really miss them like crazy. So crazy I can do crazy things. Everytime when it's time to go home, I just seriously cannot stand it. I hate the feeling of having to leave him. I hate that I'm showing it so obviously that I cannot bear to leave him. He on the other hand, always have this front where he makes me feel I'm so crazy, he's still beside me why am I being so crazy. It makes me pull back. It makes me wanna hide it all. Becuz I feel like I'm showing so much of how I'm feeling but he's showing none.. I know we have to live in the now and not the future... But it's so hard for me. The future is what makes me secure. If I know I'm seeing him the next few days I'll be alright. Won't be as bad as when I know I'm not gonna see him for the next 5 days.

But you know what... At the end of the day I know he still loves me. No matter what happens I know he's the best boyfriend ever. Everytime I hear people's stories I'm just glad my boyfriend loves me. I appreciate all the tiny things he does for me and really just being there for me. I know I've thanked him a lot and I've said sorry countless of times but that's only because he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. His presence just brings joy in my soul. That's why when he leaves joy leaves me too. I know it sucks. But yeah it's hard on my part.

Today is a good day. It was indeed a good friday and also me and baby's 4th monthsary. How time just flies like crazyyyyzyzyzyy. I can't believe it really.

Why must you always show ugly faces when you're in a photo with meeeeeee

And then look so dreamily cute when you're on your ownnnnnnn huh huh huh whai whai whai hehehe <3

I love you forever my sweetie pie. No one in this world will ever replace you in my heart. I don't know why you think you're not good enough for me. You will always always be number 1 in my heart okay. Though sometimes you seriously annoying pig but i want you to annoy me for lifeeeeee hehe. You're gonna be here for the rest of my life right, baby? I LOVE HIM!!!!!