Becuz a lie is never just a lie

It's been many crazy weeks. I don't remember when was the last time I blogged and I'm lazy to check where I last left off. But whatever it is my life is still as tiring and stressed out as it is. No matter how I see that it'll get better, it somehow just doesn't. It's like "Why have the faith and hope that things will get better when every single time it just doesn't?"

I'm just gonna copy this whole damn article that I've read a few moments ago. Because thank you whoever who wrote this, it is exactly how I felt about my past few weeks.

"I want honesty. Brutal, raw honesty. Ignorance is not bliss, not to me. I want to know if a girl hit on you at the bar and I want to know how you responded. I want to know if a girl is texting you, if she’s flirting with you and how you’re dealing with it. I want to know if when we were just seeing each other there was someone else, even if it meant nothing. Even if you were drunk. I want to know it all.

I want your loyalty to me to be more important than protecting me from the truth. I can deal with the truth, I can get over it. We can discuss it. But a lie? Withholding the truth? I cannot deal with that. I cannot forgive it. 

You see, a lie is never just a lie. A lie is a promise of things yet to come. A lie is you choosing yourself over me. A lie is me always wondering where you are and who you’re with. A lie is me not believing you even if you are telling the truth. Because if you’ve lied once, why wouldn’t you do it again?

A lie is a constant unease, a constant question spinning inside my head. A lie is trying to understand the way your face looks when you’re being honest so I can know when you’re not. A lie is suspicion and broken sleep. A lie is a twisting inside my stomach. A lie is the end.

So promise me you’ll be honest, even if it hurts me, even if it breaks us. Promise me you’ll be honest even if it’s unnecessary, even if it means nothing. Promise me you’ll tell me it all so I can love you with everything I have. So my vulnerability doesn’t choke me. 

Promise me your secrets will be my secrets. Promise me you’ll hold my heart in both hands and not let it slip. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not in the years to come. 

And I promise you, I’ll trust you as recklessly as I love you. And maybe, just maybe, we will last forever."

It's really this easy for me. I just want a relationship with us telling each other how are daily lives were, telling each other of nothing but the truths. This is so important to me. This is a principle I can never let go no matter how much I love a person. Because that's all there is in a relationship. Trust. Honesty. Of course that together comes with communication. Without all of these there are really no base at all in the relationship. We're just torturing ourselves being in the insecure zone, constantly wondering whether I'm being lied to again. 

Relationship problems aside, school has been rather draining. Even though I only school 3 days a week..... BUT it's all squashed into 3 days. My brain's like so tired after Mondays and Tuesdays. Study break is in 3 weeks. Holy time flies so fast like what it's already my third week of school.... LOL 

I need an emotional break.