Frustrated

I am so irritated frustrated and ANNOYED

Fuck all the exams. My period is late for one fucking week because of it. I am SO BLOATED. My stomach fucking hurts at random timings. And I feel like a fat mother fucking idiot. I totally thought I could like go out tonight. Like IDK everytime when I got time to like go out Dylan's friends never ever jio him. And when I got no fucking time or when the time is not fucking right, he's out. WHICH IS LIKE NOW. WHICH IS SO IRRITATING? BECAUSE I WANTED TO GO OUT. Like the whole fucking day I was so irritated and I wanted to go out and all we did was whine and laze at home with no plans in mind. Immediately after I left he just kept finding ways to go out like mahjong and drinking and just finding Kaki and shit like that. How shitty does that make me feel. It's as if I'M BORING AS FUCK when I freaking keep saying I want to go out.

Everytime he does this I remember the shit he say to me like "Oh cuz u can't go out at night" "Oh I only go out at night the rest of the day I spend with u" MAKES ME FEEL HELLA SUCKY BECAUSE ONE DAY JUST WAIT FOR THE ONE DAY I WILL FUCKING GO OUT WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT ANYONE IN THE WORLD I JUST DONT CARE ABOUT ANYONES FEELINGS ANYMORE FUCK IT ALL BECAUSE ITS ALL ABOUT ME WHO CARES ABOUT ANYONE ELSE

Legit. I don't understand why can't I just live for myself. I don't know why my life is forever revolving around people. "If people happy I happy" "if people don't want I don't want" "If people go I go" Cheebz. I'M SICK OF MYSELF.

Many days I'll just stay home to save money to not spend too much. But just today I wanted to go out and he told me want to save money stay home. THEN HE GO OUT AT NIGHT WHEN I'M ALREADY BACK. I'm so annoyed. I can't hide my annoyance. And I can't respond to "Don't pek" "Don't angry" because thats like bringing someone who's obviously scared of horror movies and telling the person "Don't scared" Wtf

I legit think too much for too many people. For the family too. It's like my brother gets to do everything like to his favour and he gets away scott-free. WHILE I ON THE OTHER HAND, FOREVER FEELING GUILTY IF I GO OUT TOO MUCH, IF I STAY OUT TOO LATE.

Fuck it all. When my inner hell break loose I'll not give 10 fucks to anyone and not hesitate to be the bad person. Cuz being the nice one is tiring and fucked up.