It's like the moment I say yes means "Ok I can just do as much as I can" I can't believe he don't even feel like we haven't been talking because of his damn game. It's like it has happened before and yet he hasn't learnt from it. And because now it has happened before I think I can't be bothered to actually say anything anymore even though it kills me. It's like if he doesn't know his limits then so be it. What's the point of even saying how I feel if he's gonna just say "you're thinking too much" and "don't think so much"? I remember when it happened in the past he said "Have I ever stopped you from going out with ur friends or stopped you from playing ur games? No right?" Now I finally know. It's because I do not neglect you. I do not spend so much time on it and just leave you there doing ur own things and make you miss me like crazy. You are comparing both because it's the same things but we both handle it in a different way.
Outside of army, consistently texting army people, maybe understandable if it's work related. Inside of army, constantly playing game with army people, busy with army work and sleep. Where's me? Where's fucking me? "I didn't neglect you" U didn't neglect does not mean I do not feel neglected. I've already felt it since last week and he literally does not feel anything at all. It's like he can do whatever he want and I'll forever be there waiting for him. It's like because I never ever neglect him and even if I do, it's so much effort just to make him feel how I feel and yet still nothing. He can be on whatsapp like not even go offline when talking to his army guys but for me, regardless of how freaking fast i reply I can never see him stay online that long. I can't be upset over anything I can't feel a bit left out I can't feel like legit any feeling if not to him it'd be me being unreasonable or not understanding.
It's like something big has to happen for him to finally direct his attention to me. And after probably a month everything is back to taking everything for granted. taking my time for granted. My presence and just yea.
What's the point of talking if the other party doesn't seem to be listening to you? They may be physically there or just virtually there replying, but nothing, simply nothing is entering their memory. It's not me saying all these just cuz I want to say it. It's all proven if not I wouldn't have even said it.
I seem to be talking to my friends way more than him because they seem more interested and seem more active in talking to me than him. I told him just now that I don't feel like he's missing me and I feel like it's always me thinking so much about him and missing him so much. It's proven the amount of things I think about him how many things I observe about him etc. He can't even remember a show I've mentioned a million times throughout our relationship. Every single time I say the title he would never fail go like "What's that". What's so hard to remember the small things of my life? Its like I can say so many things and not show it and then blame the other person for not feeling it. Do you ever think about me or is it just all about you? In his head it'd be like "I never do anything wrong. I think it's ok" "No not my fault she feeling sad it's ok" instead of "Shit she's feeling sad... Whatever it is just let me try to cheer her up" "Shit noo I don't want her to be sad is there anything I can do to make her feel less sad?" Why does he always have to wait till I feel like ultimate shit already then try to solve the problem instead of just constantly keeping problems away by everyday's efforts...?
Never ending obstacles. I guess I'm supposed to be okay with all of this.
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