Overwhelmed by the sadness and disappointment

I can't put a thumb on how I'm feeling exactly. It's been a crazy long ride but my heart's definitely been bleeding today. I don't know how I feel. I don't know what I want. As much as he hurts me like crazy sometimes if he manages to say the right things, I do feel even more pain but I just can't help to love him more.

A heart to heart talk now would be great. Maybe a few drinks.. Maybe a few honest words from deep down..? Maybe a warm genuine hug.. Let me drown.. I don't want to cry but it's making my heart bleed more. I'm weak now.. And I wish to be protected. I wish to say everything I wish I could say but I can't.. The simplest things like how much I wish to run to him even though we haven't solve the fight.. How much I wish he knows deep down I just really want to love him :'(

I need a medicine to stop me from crying. :"(

I need you :'( Like right now.. But he's not available now.