Feeling pretty damn overwhelmed right now. I gave the wrong impression like I'm having a 21st party but I'm actually not? It's like yeah of course I would wanna celebrate this day with my closest friends but I just seriously don't know what to do with a bunch of people who I don't see clicking? It's gonna be just like one of my clique friend's party and I so do not want to be in that position. Like holyshiet I rather be kinda irrelevant to be entirely honest. Dylan be telling me he's inviting xuanwei over to do what. Orgy issit hahahahaha. Cuz seriously I have nothing planned?! No cakes booked. No food no catering no decor. Nothing. As much as I want it to be a special day I do not know how to like fake happiness or fake excitement and be all like SHIT YAS ITS MY 21ST WOOHOO!!!! Cuz i really don't feel that joy at all. What's the use of celebrating something I don't feel anything for? What I'm feeling now it's exactly like my 18th. 

"Are you excited for your birthday?"

"Do you have plans?"

"What you doing for your birthday?"

AM I REALLY THAT RELEVANT TO EVEN HAVE A PARTY? Nope. I don't socialise. I don't have THAT MUCH friends to even create a party. I secretly can't wait for it to be over. As much as I want to be relevant as heck I am not. So it just makes me sad.