At first I was like yes let's finish at least 1k words today. And then now on second thought....... No thanks I'm just gonna chill. Think i'm too hard on myself all of a sudden. Suddenly dont know how to take a chill pill. LOL I actually finished my forensic psych essay in 2 god damn days?!?!?!?! Its like a freaking miracle because I never ever finish ANY essay in 2 days EVER. And it's like the longest essay I've ever returned. Anything before this were either 1k or 1.5k..... And the current one that I'm doing, word limit is 2.5k. Hai sigh... Uni life... Word limit will only increase not decrease. I don't know if I should be happy that I'm not so smart to get into honours because then i'll have a 10-15k word essay waiting for me to write. JESUS HOW EVEN I PROBABLY WILL DIE.

I feel pretty accomplished this weekend. I've been running for the past two days. Because I'm determined to slim down 5kg. I don't care by the end of this year I have to reach my goal. I'm so done being ugly and fat. Initially I thought it was okay really. I thought I've grown out of that phase. I'm not saying I haven't been taking care of myself, but I'm done with attempting to diet and all that. But recently I've just been stabbed and it's like nope. I thought it was okay to feel comfortable in my own skin. And then I realised guys will always be guys. Yes this might seem like I'm working hard to make him stay but in actual fact, I'm doing it for myself. At least if one day he still thinks someone's slimmer or prettier, I know I'm somewhere there too and I've got nothing to lose.

It's such a god damn effort to attempt to look good everyday. But oh wells.. I will do it for the sake of looking good. Even though I myself know I'm born this way I can never beat at least 3/4 of the girls out there. Look at my eyes. Do i even have eyes. Look at the scars on my skin. Not even near flawless. These are the things that I can never change and will forever be insecure about because there are a million people out there who will forever look better than me. I can only look smaller in size and attempt to take care of my skin in hopes that one day he will think that I'm enough no matter what sort of foxy slutty temptation comes in the way.