I seriously just happened to stumble upon this article on Facebook today... And the relation to this post I have is beyond any words I can describe... It's really all that I wish to say, at this point.

"I want your attention and not out of insecurity but out of desire. I want to know that you like me just as much as I like you and that you only want to talk to me, that you only want to be with me.

I want your consistency more than anything because consistency means I like you enough to keep trying, I’m invested in you and I want you to trust me.

I want your meaningful words and your genuine actions over and over again. I don’t just want them when the time is right, or when we both can’t deny our spark, I want them when we are quiet, when we’re tired, when we’re not feeling great about ourselves, I want them when I need them the most not when I expect to receive them.

Consistency means I want to build a strong connection with you, I want to create a lasting bond, I want to be part of your daily routine and I want you to know I’m always here for you and you can count on me.

I want you to be consistent more than I want to hear I love you. Because I love you are three words that can be blurted out on the spur of the moment or over shots of tequila, but consistency is sober actions and conscious thoughts.

Consistency is I’m aware of everything I’m saying and everything I’m doing and it’s not going to change overnight. Consistency doesn’t wake up the next morning regretting everything that happened the night before. Consistency means I care about keepingyou in my life for the long haul.

So if you ask me what I really want from you –all I really want is your consistency."

To me I feel so hard to fall asleep at night, not knowing what's gonna happen next. It's almost like I'm predicting when our next fight will be.. At any point that we are good I hope to stay in that time forever because who knows what will happen next.. 

It links exactly to my post yesterday. The part about me not being able to accept the happiness given because with that happiness, comes a terrible quarrel somewhere down the road. I don't want that.. I want hard work all the way throughout our relationship.. And it doesn't work just one way. Why must it always wait till after a big quarrel then I receive sweet nothings..? Why is it only when I say I'm insecure only then you start "attempting" to make me feel safe? Times when I need assurance the most are times when I don't get it. And until something horrible happens, only then I get it. It sucks.