Been binge-watching Vampire Diaries for like 4 days now and I simply can't stop. But it's funny how I say I can't multitask but you know what? My mind multitasks on a lot a lot a lot of thoughts and I really wonder how I do it.

I wonder so many things and I just can't simply get it into my head that I am enough to be who I am. Yes I'm not pretty I'm not hot I do not have nice smooth fucking skin I am not social-media-popular I have frizzy messy fucking hair. But I can't seem to tell myself all those don't matter when I have someone constantly looking at other girls' photos or like actually looking up on them. I wish this insecure ELEMENT in my personality is not there. It has done nothing but harm in my life. I wish I can tell myself and say like "fuck if he wants to see other girls photos, go ahead because I'm way better than them" because I'm not. And it's just the feeling he gives me all the time like I'm just simply not enough aesthetically. It might be the insecurity and low-self-esteem that hits me. But his actions feeds into my insecurity. Doesn't help for me to voice this out anymore because he will just probably "delete search history" or whatever nonsense so as to not get into my head. But in my head I DO know he does look up other girls. In my head I do know no matter whether he does delete search history or not he still does stalk other girls every now and then. And I seriously SERIOUSLY wonder where he get those names from cuz If I were to ever know he's talking to someone else behind my back..........

Oh god I don't know. Doesn't even help that I actually just kinda OPENED myself up again. It's gonna hurt so much to know he could've taken advantage of that. Hai.

Why am I not enough. I know I lack in so much. Aesthetically. IN EVERY MOTHER FUCKING WAY.