That's what you get for pinning too much hopes onto a certain person. I never understood what hell of a lonely boring life I've had the past 2 months. I don't know what medicine I ate wrong to think that after he's gotten his freedom back I'd have more of a life back. This is what you get for wishing to spend and experience everything with just a single person but he on the other hand has loads of friends to share it with.

Not blaming him though I blame myself for being naive.

This dilemma I've had for the longest time. Another reason why I choose to stay home also because to save enough money of the littlest money I have so to enjoy times with him. Guess I was wrong again. I forgot he has his own life. & I've got to say I'm abit jealous. That I've completely lost myself and in the midst of this relationship he's found himself a life while I've lost mine in his.

It's time like this when I think wait am I even necessary in your life if he's only available for me Friday-Sunday? What about the times when I just feel like shit and I need someone to have waffles with after school? What about the times when I just need to have a lunch partner with and I just wish it was my boyfriend? I wonder sometimes if I'm asking too much. It's not like he doesn't know I'm feeling like shit though? That's the part that startles me a lot? Is it hard to make an effort to come pay me a visit, maybe bring me out to watch a movie or have waffles like I asked instead of just pushing me into your Friday-Sunday schedule? I feel a bit stupid now. Because technically his friends have him from Monday to 3/4 of the Friday.

I would completely understand if he has work and is UNABLE to come out. But no. It's only day 2 of his freedom from SOL and he's already having the time of his life recovering from his lost times in those 2 months while here I am just feeling all the old feelings I've had, whatever the shit feelings those were. I feel myself slowly turning off. I don't know because if it consistently is like that I wonder really if I'm even in a relationship or a relationship that is from Friday-Sunday.

I don't have the mood at all to sort things out. To talk things out or to even TRY and fix anything. Like why must it always be me trying to fix something. It's time I just let it be.

I blame you Shanette for always being the stupid naive bitch you are. Where's a real life vampire it's time u bite me so I can transit myself into being one so I can turn my feelings off and this will all be easy peasy.