I'm so over the edge. January is gonna be so stressed for me I might really even hurt people's feelings. I don't know I'm so done with always thinking for others that no one actually even at least GIVE A DAMN about mine. School stress is already enough to kill, but on top of that I still have to think of family problems which they cannot give me peace about and I have a boyfriend that simply doesn't understand and ends up hurting me with his words.

Why I say that? Cuz I get his intention of trying to make me calm. But I really think he has zero literally zero empathy for people. This morning I was so overwhelmed by the people around me. I wanted to dig a hole and hide because I simply just need to be alone. Yet a part of me wishes so much to call up my boyfriend and just cry because I just need someone to talk to, someone who feels my pain and someone who would just make me feel like the world is not ending. I know I can't do that. Because he was not awake. And even so he would've been frustrated with me that I was crying. Hence I decided to text instead..  I said something like "I can't do this anymore.. I really feel like shit." & I really do. From last night till now. After a huge fight with my parents and I haven't slept for more than 3h and all he could tell me was to stop drowning in my own sorrows. How's that consoling in any way? If anything, that was a direct confrontation. It's the same interpretation as when someone fell down, and you tell the person, "Seriously you're so careless can u just be more careful and stop being so clumsy next time?" Instead of focusing on making me feel at peace and calm, I felt like I just got stabbed in the wound.

I really cannot handle. And as much as I know his words hurt me, I'm not gonna let it get to me. I need to learn that maybe I just simply need to find another way to console myself. I need to accept maybe he just simply can't. T_T I need a shoulder to lean on sobs I'm on the verge of breaking down I'm not superwoman I'm really too overwhelmed by everything.... Why is it that everyone has the right to break down but when I do, it seems like I'm always being ridiculous and just really no one gets that I can't be fucking strong all the time?!??!?!?!? I am not even strong to begin with. I always needed someone who's able to understand me more than I understand them... I just cannot anymore.