I've reached the second stage of the break up. Depressed and sad and lonely.

I don't know how to move on. All those distractions I thought would last me long enough. But obviously not. All those "positive" vibes that kept me going. Now all I want is to run back in ur arms and cry. Now all I want you to do is to tell me how obsessed you are with me. But tables have turned yet again. As much as u claim you're there and all, part of me just knows that obsession is half gone. I suddenly want to bond all over again. I want to know how it's like to restart. Such a huge risk that I'm not willing to take. Maybe I should've persevered longer to feel more of the crazy love from you. I just need to talk what's in my heart. Truthfully. But I have no balls to. I literally just feel like I'm gonna break into pieces if I say what's on my mind. Even typing this tears just automatically flow out AND IT PISSES THE FUCK OUTTA ME. Because I thought this phase for me was over. But the whole facade of a strong girl image is now broken.

I'm broken T_T I don't know how to fix myself.... How is it that I'm back to having sleepless nights? There isn't a single night since end April that I went to sleep peacefully. Every time I close my eyes I'm picture so many situations I don't wish to happen. But it seems like it's just a matter of time.... I'm trying to prepare myself when that time comes but it hurts so bad and I don't know how to let that image go. There are so many things I wish to say. So many things I wish to talk to you about... I don't know how and just simply no courage to. WHY LIFE SO TOUGH T_T They say it's stupid to be in love with each other and not be together. But there are so many other things to think about.... It's just not as simple as it is said out to be. And I know if I give in now we're just simply gonna end up in another break up... What's the point... ARGH feel like crying cuz I have no one to talk to.

We really need to have a heart to heart soon... When i'm well prepared enough..