Finally the end of the fucking month. I survived this long and torturing month. There are random times where memories of what he told me literally flash across my mind and eyes and I just think how much I was willing to do to just bring back those moments to now. I just don't understand. I'm so envious of the guys that are still willing to work out with their girlfriends. I'm so fucking sad that this guy literally fucking give up on me and yet I'm still here lingering around for some miracle to happen. I don't know what I'm waiting for and I don't know if he'll ever come around. AM I THAT WORTHLESS????????? 

I feel fucking shitty. Really fucking shitty. If you know you're never gonna try ever again for me, why can't you just be heartless to me like 100%? Don't say you love me cuz if u do you wouldn't do this to me at all. Or at least you'd show me that I matter in ur heart. Do you ever not think that in the midst of you being so unwilling to fix us, that I might actually be gone because you're so unwilling to claim me? So unwilling to show me you care? So willing to push me away? So willing to make me feel like I'm fucking not needed in your life? What kind of bullshit talk about you saying you cannot live without me? So fucking obvious every week you're doing so well without me. Leaving me alone and leaving me here to sort out my own shit. 

Do u ever see yourself giving me ur heart again? I really don't think so. Now in the midst of healing myself, do you think I can ever give you my all again looking at how you pull this trick of leaving me? I don't think so either. So what are we waiting for? Waiting for one of us to move on? Waiting for one of us to block each other? You basically just want me to be the bad person. You just want me to be the heartless one to do all the cutting of contact. HONESTLY THO what harm would it do to you!? Jesus I keep thinking and thinking and like I can't understand why are you keeping me near you if you're gonna do this to me. I feel so tortured. Feeling like a fucking option. Like if you are in the mood you will remember me you will tell me shit. & if you have others? I'm fucking invisible. 

I don't know man. Nothing good is ever gonna come out of us anymore. We're beyond hurt.