It's only been a week since the "break up". Yet it felt like maybe a month has passed and it's about time we patch up.. Sigh I was watching like couple prank videos and one of them was a break up prank. I wished mine was a prank too.. Just tell me you want to get back together with me already.. T_T I keep telling myself in time things will get better.. But the time is just passing really damn slowly..

I wonder how much I'm worth for a person to try for me.. I feel pretty worthless right now and it's not a good feeling at all. Yet it's not in my blood to give up. I just don't want to.. As much as I tell myself things will be fine, I'm still fucking scared that in time to come he will actually just tell me "I'm sorry we won't work out.." "I'm sorry I feel guilty that's why I've been treating you the same as before" "I'm sorry I have someone new.." Blablablablablablabla....

It's like from his eyes I can feel he's really still there.. I can feel his heart with me.. Yet I can't seem to see why he refuse to try for us.. For me.. I'm not even blaming him for anything since everyone leaves me at the end of the day.. He was the last person that I'd expect to actually give up on me.. But he did.. Am I really destined to be alone..

I'm plucking out strength from the air itself.. I wish things will get better in time.. I wish it'd get better with him in my life not the other way round.. I just don't wanna fucking fuck anything up anymore. Yet I don't even know what's the trigger to that. It's so scary really. Like if I say something wrong? Or maybe too much love? Or too emotional? Too much burden...???? I don't even know really. I'm really just praying for the best hais. I thought he said it was just the fights that he's losing faith in this relationship.. But its definitely more than that that he can just give up like that and really not willing to try again.. YET he's still there he's not gone I just know he's still there not floating away..

Why must this be so confusing.. I really think I'm damn dumb trying to speculate so much nonsense, so many things going on in my head that I wished I could ask and yet I somehow can't face the answer.. It's just me to ask things straight out yet right now I really don't think it's a good idea.. I really don't know what I might trigger. The more I ask the more sad I become.. Because every single rejection I get, just makes the break up feel even more real.. But I really don't know what we are now.. I just think we should fucking get back together. Help.