Since I cannot concentrate studying, I decided to just blog.

It's 3rd of the month again. & I choose to be happy today. We need more positivity in our lives even under all the misery and stress. I am sure if I keep up with being positive and giving out positive vibes, my mind will psycho me that things will be alright. When my anxiety acts up, I just need to tell myself time is all it matters. Things might be a mess right now but step by step things will slowly get better. I need to learn to adapt to change, something I really haven't learn since forever. I can't keep forcing things to work my way. If things don't go my way, I do not have to interfere and I do not have to be upset. I need to understand that each of us regardless of who, we are an individual of our own. How would I like it if someone like me is constantly telling me what to do and telling me if I don't do this way, then I'm a shit person? I will feel like shit and I will feel like dying too. I need to learn to think for others instead of myself.

Step by step Shanette. Step by step don't force things. Chill some titties and stop throwing your stupid emotions all around. U need to keep a hold of yourself. Yes you have been very dependent on others for happiness and maybe that still hasn't change. But others won't be able to give u happiness if you base it on them because then if they don't follow what you want them to do, you're gonna get upset you're gonna be disappointed.

Remember Shanette? Remember what you told yourself one year ago? What happened to her? Space bitch. Every individual needs their own space. Cannot be so uptight and like be a psycho bitch shanette. Aint gonna work. Heh stay happy shanette

But going home really makes me feel so suffocated and the silence around me just cannot get any louder.. I'm very sad when I'm home. I really don't know how to conquer.. It's like this super super super huge emptiness that nothing and no one can fill.. I just get reminded of everything.. I spend the whole time trying to psycho myself and every time I am home I feel so hard to breathe.. Like I cannot do this alone I cannot do this alone.. Its all my emotions that are fucking every fucking thing up.. Every cause now I feel like I am just punishing myself..

I miss your warmth.. So much so much.. Really so much.. Time is going so slow so slow.. Living everyday like I wish to just die the next day. I just want to.. But I wake up a new day and hope to myself I survive yet another day..