This is the 5th month since we broke up. As the months pass, I just feel further and further away from where you think we’d end up. Right now we’re only here with each other because of comfort. 

Yesterday you totally ignored me for a good 2h and refused to talk to me. Today yet again you threw your temper at me. I’m tired of this already. I don’t know what we are anymore. We’re not a couple and we’re not friends. 

Nowadays I just try my best to get used to being alone. Because this is how you’ve made us to be. I can never lean on you because at any point of time you can just give zero fucks about me. This is coming from a guy who used to love me so much? Lol.... Everytime i think about it i just feel sad. 

This will never go away. And we can never be back together again. Every bad situation that comes between us just shows how much I will never want to be in this kind of relationship. I will never want someone who doesn’t fight for the rs. I will never want someone that can see me in pain and just ignore me. I will never want someone that can just refuse to solve the situation and do his own things like it doesn’t even matter. I don’t know about what you’re thinking anymore but in my mind I just know the more I love the more I care, all i get back is hurt. I’m tired of thinking if there’s someone else out there you’re being sweet with. I’m tired of thinking about your financial issues. I’m tired of your attitude and your mood swings. Things that i used to be able to tolerate, now is just no longer worth it in my eyes to tolerate anymore. Why must I even be scared of you? I find myself damn hilarious. I look back now and I can’t believe I’ve been crying my eyes out for 3 months straight while you’re out there drinking, living your own life. I can’t believe I was so willing to give up everything in my life just to make this relationship work. I can’t believe every single time I just let you scold me and I did nothing to protect and help myself. Man I’m done being that girl. I’m not born into this world to be treated like that. Took me 5 months to realize this but yeah.. The old yaohui will be back..? Nah. Really no. Lol. He won’t. The old yh clearly knows how to love me. Now this guy is just a heartless cold guy. I’m seriously tired of all these heartless nonsense alr. If this is how you’re gonna keep portraying yourself to be, then let me tell you I believe what you show me. So i believe I’m not worth it to you and overtime I have realised that it’s not worth trying so hard anymore. 

I’m tired of asking what we are anymore. I’m tired of trying to fix things and work things when there’s literally no improvements in anything. I’m tired. I can’t wait for the day where I can finally just let it go and say fuck it all. Time heals all wounds. And right now even though we both say nth bout it, we’re slowly getting used to being by ourselves. One day we can lead our own lives. Every single day now I tell myself, I can live even without you. I’m strong enough to conquer this. I’m tired of forcing you to love me. I’m tired of telling you how i should be loved when you clearly know how i should be loved. I’m fucking tired. But yeah it’s fine. Not like anything’s gonna change between us. Let’s just put it this way, our fate to be together has long been destroyed. There’s no way we can go back to how we used to be... Not even close.