Neglect

Hello darlings.

Winter's Tale is over! & I'm sad :( The energy for the first show was awesome!!! Totally felt the energy of the entire class! Maybe because we did this clowning exercise with the BA2 actors. It was super fun!!! The actors are such fun people... Day 2's energy was low as hell. Yet so many people say it still looked quite good. Well... The dancers all know how low the energy was compared to day 1. Miss Melissa made us run through the 2 dances twice each. So we were all too drained out from it... Last day was brilliant!!! I was so happy it ended well! We did viewpoints with the actors and I SWEAR THAT WAS THE BEST VIEWPOINTS SESSION I'VE EVER HAD IN MY WHOLE 6 MONTHS IN LASALLE. Now I wished we had combined viewpoints lesson with them. It'd be so fun!!! 

Left stranded last night in school because someone didn't even have the courtesy to tell me she was going off first. Went up the lift with Shawn and Rif and Louisa. & then I was quite stunned at what Shawn told me and I didn't know how to react. Hmm ok. Went out and saw Afiq waiting for this bus at the black hole. LOL. Thought we could go home together since his bus stop is at little india. But his bus was gonna take so long and then he needed to pee so he.... went off. Saw Jingwen and Cheryl so I followed them to Bugis cuz I didn't dare to go Little India alone at such an hour. It was almost 12am. 

Went to Mcdonalds and saw Joey and Andrea there. Lol, so Andrea's dad came to pick me and her up last night. He was so nice.... He bought me hot soya bean and hot taohuey.... I was so touched. Sorry la small things like that matters alot to me ha ha ha.. 

Woke up this morning with a constipated tummy. Wtf. When will this ever end?! CAN MY STOMACH JUST BE NORMAL AND STOP GIVING ME PROBLEMS?! Gosh. So i didn't go ballet. Reached school at exactly 12. Went up to G and saw Luvenia and Andrea sitting at the sofa. Asked if she did ballet, she gave me a wtf-is-she-here face and replied me in such a wtf tone. I just got so irritated. Jingwen came out of the studio and gave both of us the get-out-of-my-sight face which made me even more annoyed. Felt so not welcomed at wherever I was. Even Edem was doing it to me. I just wanted to die. 

After awhile things got better and I just went through with life lol. 

Got through school. Went to meet Jai for dinner and supper. Gosh i love her. You have no idea how much I miss you. She's always making me laugh and always being there. I really can't thank god anymore for giving me such a wonderful friend. 

Yay tomorrow's friday~ Last day of school for the week! & next week's our project week!.... It's not even project week we still have to go back for lessons. Albert Tiong lessons somemore... Oh well it's life. 

Break

Ello~~~~ I really had no time to blog this whole week. So hectic.

As usual, rehearsals were tiring the shit outta me. I was so happy Adam gave us a break from viewpoints because he saw how so many of us were injured and dying, lol. Miss Melissa also cancelled self rehearsal on Friday to let us sleep more. She pushed our lessons to 10.30 instead of 8.30 for next Tues, Wed and Thurs. I AM VERY THANKFUL!!!!!

Friday was the first day we hanged around in the dressing room. Was spending some time with Suharti cuz I was left alone and I had nothing to do. So we started talking and she kinda got amused at every little thing I said... I didn't even know I was that funny LOL? Hahaha she was so cute anyways~ Besides all those laughters, I was upset at my performance on stage. Did loads of mistakes and I couldn't hit the timing correctly. My knee made so many popping sounds I was so afraid something might happen to it so I made my movements even smaller. Oh well promised myself that I'd do better on Saturday and I did! Happy girl~ Saturday was the open dress rehearsal! Managed to rehearse once and just hung around and stuff till the evening. Miss Melissa was correcting my rolls and timing. I always am the last to reach my line argh!!! But I managed to get there in time during the open dress run. Thank god!

Spent my Sunday morning sleeping and then my afternoon at Hood bar~ Went there to hear Izzat's band and Alex's band~ Izzat's voice is just mad mad MAD sexy and Alex... I just like to hear him sing la k. LOL so he's in the band with this girl called Huixian (apparently her christian name is Stella). She's been in this singing competition before and was the champion. My mother loves Huixian k.... & that's how I know who she was. Cuz of my mother. LOL

Spent my Sunday night with my family and then went home. Wow this year I've had too much yusheng already. I think 6 rounds of it already. Or 7? Don't know can't count.

Alright~~~~~~ Winter's Tale starts tomorrow!!! Yay break a leg performers, dancers and ACTORS!!!!

EXHAUSTED

Hi guys. I am kinda in the stoning mood right now. & when I stone I automatically think of what to blog about. So in case I forget my thoughts, I'll just post tonight~

My body is about to break down soon. Hurting everywhere like crap due to winter's tale rehearsals. I don't think bruised knees or shin bones are acceptable reasons to sit out of class. So.... I dare not tell any teachers about how extremely badly I'm aching and just continued with class..

Monday insane. We had yoga class first. Did something new this week which I thought was kinda fun. It's so funny how Afiq and Ruishan looked at my jete and went like "WOAH!!!!" I'll never get that kind of response from a dancer. Never. I mean you know how many times teacher said I'm not kicking it right and stuff...

Next was ballet. Miss Elizabeth spent 30minutes talking to us about attendance and stuff. So we only had an hour of ballet. Rhythm ensemble was boring as hell. Animal work was replaced with winter's tale rehearsal.... SOBS SUPER EXHAUSTING... I'm in both dances. So me and the others who were in both dances didn't get to rest at all. Miss Melissa polished us up. After the super tiring rehearsal, we had ASIAN DANCE. FML the schedule is out to kill all of us. Thank god Gigi was giving us formations. So we kinda just marked through steps and didn't dance as much as we did. But we still dance k!!!!! Last class of the day: Winter's tale rehearsals, AGAIN.

That's when my body started to take it's toll on me. My shinbone couldn't stand the pressure I was putting into it. My butt and knee was getting so bruised caused by the rolls. My thigh muscles felt like they'd snap anytime cuz of the fast lunges.. I don't know how to relieve the pain... :'(

Today was just ballet, winter's tale rehearsal, theory classes and then winter's tale rehearsal. I sat so long during the theory classes. When I stood up, I felt like an old day was it hurt that bad. Couldn't do the fan kicks properly anymore because my butt was just getting more and more painful..

Went home and finished up my research and writing hw. I was trying to massage myself, especially my ass. & it felt so weird. LOL duh who the hell massages their own asses!? I really hope I won't wake up late tomorrow. If my dog is aching like this, there's a high chance of me sleeping over time. Like I don't even know.. Mh body clock suddenly decides itself to wake up an hour later than the time I planned for myself. -Crosses fingers- I'll sleep now. Goodnight

Family gathering

Wow. Today I broke a record. I finally had ongoing conversations with my cousins (hmmm ok cousin).

I was still in my bed lazing around when my daddy called and told me my cousins were already in the living hall. So i rushed to bathe. Didn't bother choosing clothes to wear cuz I was just at home. Headed down to greet them. Everything was so awkward at first. Well what's new? It's like this every year i'm not even surprised... Daddy made us take a group photos together. So we did.

LOL this is such a rare photo ok. The last time we took such a photo was when I was freaking 14.... 

But things changed when aunty Alice came. Aunty alice is the mother of the cousins that was in my living room. She and my mother always tell me and Valerie(one of my couz) that we look very alike since young. We know that. I can see the resemblance, to be honest. Maybe not in photos but in real life.... We look similar. Except she's slimmer than me..

So aunty Alice wanted me and Val to take a photo together. But Val couldn't stand her phototaking skills, she and I started taking selcas together. Then conversations started. School, monolids, makeup... HAHA. We were playing with double eyelid tapes. I'm such a kuku... I didn't know there were black double eyelid tapes. Gosh I should totally use that. Then I don't need to put eyeliner. That tape is way more obvious than me putting eyeliner. -Life of a monolid girl- When we were taking selcas, she was so funny... "You know ah... Try using your hair to cover your face. It'll make your face smaller. I always do that!" "Ok time to edit picture to make our faces smaller!" LOL Omg actually I didn't know people actually bothers using apps to edit photos... Yesterday Andrea was editing Jingwen's pimples away. I.... just can't be bothered. Once a lazy sloth, forever a lazy sloth.

There was the annual lion dance thingy thing in the afternoon after lunch. & then we just chilled and continue talking~

PS: None of the photos below are edited..... All there fats are still there, all the flaws are still there.

I hope it'll be the same every year.

Alright right now I have 8 free hours to relax. The bruises on my legs are so horrible and painful. I can feel it even if it's a slight touch. Don't ask me why my leg's filled with "scars". They are all blue blacks and friction from crawling on the floor for animal work.. Did I mention this before? My buttocks are bruised too. From rolling on the floor the wrong way. Oh well.... -Life of a dancer- 

Sup

Only 2 words to describe school: EXTREMELY TIRED

I've been reaching home at like 10plus11 from Wed - Fri. So tiring...

We had 4 movement classes on Wed, plus Research and writing. It was so tiring. The whole morning till early afternoon we're dancing, and then after research and writing, we had Winter's Tale rehearsal till 8. Me and Edem stayed back after that to finish up our art history presentation. Had a late dinner because I didn't eat the whole day and was feeling very hungry.

Thursday was less tiring but Winter's Tale killed me. Couldn't concentrate on ballet because all I could think of was my Art history presentation. Hip hop was self practice so I used half the time to read through my art history notes and the other half of the time to relieve stress. Went to 7/11 to buy one packet of oreos and then headed to F202 to prepare for art history. F this shit. Obviously didn't do a good job BUT AT LEAST IT'S OVER!!!! Hate presentations.

Had this short talk about growth minds and fixed minds with this teacher who has apparently taught Miss Shining before! She was saying that she was almost 40 and all of us got a shock of our lives. She looked like she's in her early 30s only!!! When she said she's Miss Shining's teacher, my jaw just dropped really. LOL Saw Miss Shining for like 1 second and then she disappeared. Didn't manage to say hi... Aw man it was valentine's day :(

Miss Melissa finished up the Satyr's dance in an hour. SO TIRING. I got ALL the tiring parts. Right now my left thigh hurts like nobody's business. Super painful..... I really got not enough stamina for this dance. It's too hyped and... TIRING.

Went to find Afiq and Shafiq after that. Gosh I don't even remember what I did in the studio. ER... LOL I guess I was just sitting there, alone, playing my games while everyone else was busy with their own stuff..

Woke up late on Friday because of a dream. GOSH this dream made me so efjckslc that I didn't wanna wake up. The ending was so sad. So i tried to sleep longer to change the ending but apparently nothing happened so i woke up. Kinda got scolded by Miss Melissa cuz almost half the class was late for the first class. It was a self practice class for Asian Dance. Then we had body conditioning which totally killed me.

Wasnt feeling hungry so me and Andrea went to the frass to slack. I keep having awkward moments with this guy that I've mentioned before during my open house post... I don't know if my eyes are playing tricks on me but if someone stares at you, you'd know because you'd get that tingly feeling right? Well I know I do. Me and Andrea were talking and talking. Suddenly I felt like somebody was staring at me so I looked up. AND IT WAS HIM. I stared back and then covered my face to see if it was just me or if he's really staring. If he was staring, then he'd know that I'm feeling awkward cuz I'm covering my face and he'll probably look away. AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE DID. Ah there were many other times too but I don't think I should mention it L.O.L...

Contemp was draggy and tiring. After that we had winter's tale run through with Melissa first before heading to SIA theatre. Tiring shit. Satyr's dance is bloody tiring. Had this part 3 of the injury workshop and we went to the SIA theatre for the winter's tale full run. Woah very anyhow. Messy and nonsensical. LOL. It was until 8pm. Stayed back in school to do Asian dance presentation. Gosh all these presentation shit is driving me insane. After this I'm gonna have such an awesome time (k maybe not). Went to find Andrea after that. Stay at F307 till like 10plus then we went home.

Woke up this morning for a performance at this Kallang theatre restaurant. We had free food. Like the normal restaurant set food, haha. While we were rehearsing on stage, I fell down off stage and my whole shin bone was hurting like mad. IT STILL IS. Right now it is freaking swollen. I now have a pig leg. The pain was so intense but Miss Melissa doesn't seem to know about it so I just continued dancing with the pain lingering on my shin bone. Iced my leg after that. The pain went away for awhile but returned shortly after that tsk.

Waited very long to perform and my phone's battery was dying... Went home after performance. Met a crazy guy. He was so smelly and crazy. He went around asking people to make friends with him and all that sort of nonsense. Omg dude get lost. I was so freaked out by him really. My classmates got victimized by him too.

Talked to mummy for a lil bit and then fell asleep till like 9plus. Had a horrible dream AGAIN. Gosh this time I was getting shot by the guy that looked exactly like the pervert crazy man that I met before I went home today. Totally just forced myself to wake up after that. Felt so lethargic but i went out and talk to mummy again. Hahaha

Hopefully I get to watch Ah boys to men 2 tomorrow with family after house gathering tomorrow. Yay to Sunday~ Boo to monday....

Back to reality

Hello guys. I am here, to blog, about my last 2 days of visiting.

So yesterday we visited uncle Joseph's house first. He said I slimmed down. Ok lol practically everyone said I slimmed down. I don't really think I slimmed down cuz I ALWAYS check my weight. Seriously. Very depressing but yeah better to face the facts than delude myself. Then again.... I've been dancing alot and also gaining alot of muscles. So my weight not going down might probably be due to muscle mass.

Then we went to visit some uncle that I don't even know. He's the most generous man I've ever met in my life man. It was the first time we saw each other and he actually gave me a $40 angbao. WHAT THE? When I opened the angbao I was just lost for words. My 2 related uncles, the 2 uncles that knew me since I came to this world, gave me freaking $6 and this uncle, whom I've never met my entire life, gave me $40. Look at what kind of relatives I've got. K la this uncle's rich... So that explains it. LOL he has a freaking lift in his house.

Went to uncle david's house after that. I was so tired I just slept for like 20minutes before we left. Hahaa. Went home after that. Gah if I knew we were staying home at night, I would've told my mom to book tickets for ah boys to men 2... :(

This late morning, went over to uncle Edward's house. IT'S NO FUN WITHOUT EUGENE!!! Sigh I thought he would've come back for CNY. Last year was so fun because he was there... Stoned there for like 2hours with people I don't know and then went over to Uncle Heng's house. Stoned again for 2hours or so and went home. Could only managed to do abit of work before we left the house for dinner and then to Uncle Lester's house.

Dinner was so dead. I was in the hyper stressed mood. K maybe I haven't said this in my blog before but when I'm stressed, I have 3 very obvious symptoms. 1. I eat alot. 2. I sleep all my stress away. 3. I become extremely hyper. So i wanted to shout and laugh loudly even though the restaurant was so quiet. LOL. Then my father spoilt my mood. He talked about uncle Edward. So just now uncle Edward asked if I'm in a JC or poly. This mother always don't let me answer. She always helps me answer and her answers are retarded. "Lasalle, Dance!" that's what she said. In my head, I was like I'm sure he don't know what the heck is Lasalle. She should've just said an arts school -_- So I was right, uncle Edward didn't know what she was saying. So she added on, "Studying Dance, not a poly, not a JC! hahahah" Wtf what a WISE way to tell him. So he gave a "wtf" face too and added sacarsm to his answer. "Aiyo! Why dance only! MUST SING! You see those singers sing 1 song only earn big bucks already!" I'm like . . . K. So my dad, the guy who have never really accepted his daughter as a dancer-in-training, asked me, "just now Uncle Edward ask me leh. You after studying this dance, go where ah? What cert ah?" AGAIN MY MOTHER DIDN'T LET ME ANSWER. This mother really last warning. I got my own mouth.... So she said diploma. That's it. The conversation stopped and his face continued sulking.

I hate this. You know what. All these oldies should go and live our lives for like just a week. Just one week. Let's see if you'll survive. Let's say I ended up in NYP. YOU THINK I'LL SURVIVE THRU? You think I'll have a stable job by the end of the diploma? NO? I'm being posted to DIGITAL VISUAL EFFECTS DUDE. Not some freaking business course. It's still freaking "art" in a way. So sick of this shit. These people make me wanna strive so hard. Whoever who look down on me ah, I tell you first next time if I succeed I'll not even look at you.

Yes I do not like ballet as much as other genres but I have to pull through. I die also must pass this sem's exam. I CANNOT FAIL. I CANNOT DROP OUT. I CANNOT!!!!!!! If ballet dancers are meant to be skinny, I'LL SLIM DOWN. I BLOODY WILL. If I have to go through 10 thousand depressions to succeed, SO BE IT. It's not like I'm not already depressed enough. No matter what I cannot drop out. I cannot be kicked out. I MUST SURVIVE THROUGH THESE 3 YEARS T_T I'm not like my partner. Always so happy-go-lucky. Always thinking things will come to him easy. Sigh he's 21 this year..... Can't he be more realistic and realize he's in a freaking art school? His spot is not guaranteed at all! Argh whatever why bother about him when he doesn't even care. Gosh a waste of time.

K gotta pull through February. Horrible february is gonna be over soon! Ok I just need to get pass 18th february and then all's good! Give me as many albert's lessons as y'all want. I will survive that than to do theory stuff. I hate research and writing. Hate art history. HATEEEEEE presentations. ARGH ROAR. Ok.

I am honestly excited for ballet. Excited to get nagged by Elizabeth. Yes i know, hard to believe. I KNOW. & Believe it or not, ballet is way more interesting than Leah's contemp class. Yawnz I miss Susan's contemp class so much. It was just getting so much more interesting and then we're back to basics. Wtfffff SIGH you can nag at me for as much as you want too I just want you back T_T 2 1/2 more months!!!! I can do this right Shanny???? YES I MUST GET THROUGH SEM 2 I MUST GO TO LEVEL 2!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes you bet I'm stressed right now.

Happy sexy snake year~

I got awakened by my mom in a very special way. So i heard she attempted to get into my room from the front door but I locked it. So she came in through the toilet door and then while I was under my blankie, she was wishing me happy new year and good fortune good life good luck in studies bla bla. I was just not really listening... LOL!!! So i prepared and headed down. She passed me my angbao and wished me many many stuff again. When we were at granny's house, she suddenly wished me to get a boyfriend, someone who can take care of me etc etc... I was just like O_O nah I'm not gonna get one. THE DAY HAS COME. The day where my mother actually wants me to have a boyfriend. Hahahaha mom what did I tell you? Your daughter is not gonna get a boyfriend until many many years later or maybe even none.

I, practically have a non-existent love life. Seriously. I've never experienced love before. I don't really consider my ex as my first love because..... IT DOESNT FEEL LIKE LOVE AT ALL? Plus, I was 13... LOL well well well. At least I think I"ll have a partner to be with if we die as nuns. FION~~~~~~

Gosh we have so many Polaroids together... I'd put one in my wallet if I had a wallet!

Fion and family came to visit just now in the evening. It was only for like less than 2hours... How time passed so fast. I felt like I just saw her 2 weeks ago but come to think of it, it was freaking 2 months ago. Wowwwww~~~ Hopefully I get to see her during her June holidays~~~ Muacks my childhood bff <3

Here's..... My outfit of the day for day 1 of CNY~

 

Caught up with a new series called The Carrie Diaries. It's super cliche and expected. But.... WELL ALL GIRLS NEED A LIL CLICHE IN THEIR LIVES. Gonna catch up with The Lying Game's S2 after my bath~~~ Been so caught up with school that I hardly have any time to watch any show.... Yeah gotta make full use of the time I have at home~ 

New year eve

Yesterday was a great yet not so great day. Well my days are always like that, aren't they?

Day started off with hip hop class. Hmmm I was actually expecting myself to sweat alot cuz I thought she'll teach alot. She added in a new song to the song she remixed. So we all thought it was gonna be a choreography dance. Turns out it's dance cypher... Meaning... 5 of us excluding Cheryl has a 1 eight solo. She doesn't have a solo probably because she already has a 2 eights solo for the first song~ Oh no I just can't find the right moves to show off in that 1 eight... :( Sigh what should I do? Been playing around with movements but I just can't figure out what suits me best :(

Body conditioning was insane. By this end of this sem, we would definitely had muscular arms, DEFINITELY. It was fun though, Vincent's such an inspiring and funny teacher. He kinda makes sense even though his body con training is super tough.

Had lunch after that and we had our winter's tale self rehearsal before the real rehearsal. THE REAL REHEARSAL WAS SO FUN!!!! We got more parts than we expected!!! Cuz my group is in the 30sec dance. But before the 30 sec dance, we would be already on stage freestyle "acting" in a way. It's like viewpoints actually. So glad that I got to make friends with the level 3 actors that I always look up to!!!! They were saying like how fun it is for us to be able to dance everyday. & we were saying how awesome it was to be able to watch all their productions!!! THEY ARE AWESOME!!!

Met up with Edem today to do our art history. It's 3/4 done and I'm really happy about it. We finished early so we started talking about random stuff and he showed me his past photos. Haha.

Had reunion dinner just now. Sigh I dislike going to my father's side grandma's house. I'm not close to ANYBODY there and the only people who go to that house are adults. Everytime I go to their house I feel so spoilt. Cuz they are the more.... old fashioned kind. No computer, no cable, nobody of my age that I can mingle with, no cousins that I'm close to, no nothing. So i just sit there and use my phone/ipad. The worst thing is after going there for reunion dinner, we still have to go back there the next day. OMG boring shitttttt.

Alright happy chinese new year eve guys. Enjoy your night. Byeeee

I'm just gonna skip the past 2 days of my life. I wanted to blog bout it but I figured I might say nasty stuff so I decided not to.

As usual, ballet was the first class of the day. After that we started to prepare for our performance at deyi sec. Practiced like once at the frass and went straight to deyi. Dancers weren't given a break until 15minutes before preset.... So after we did our soundchecks and blocking, we just sat at the hall, in boredom. This guy from music..... Was singing and playing the guitar with this other girl from music, too. It was awesome~~~ I didn't know he could sing!! Then..... He teleported to the piano. AND HE STARTED PLAYING.... Gah drove me insane. So smexy I can't take it. :( Which girl wouldn't be mesmerized by a guy who's so multi-talented?! LOL.

We had the worst audience ever.... Did they study too much that they even forgot how to clap!?!? I swear we were performing to a bunch of zombies... Regardless, I still enjoyed watching others performing and of course our very own performance. Left the school immediately after the show. I totally didn't know I was walking with my bag open. K wait maybe it opened itself. Stupid bag's zip is bloody loose. I was talking to Afiq and I felt someone pulling my bag and I thought it was somebody I know... So i turned back and checked and it was actually the awesome multi talented dude. He was like "Wait wait don't move" LOL~ K then after that he suddenly talked to Afiq. So we were walking together and AFIQ SUDDENLY DECIDE TO DISAPPEAR, leaving me feeling awkward so I just walked slower and waited for the rest.

Went back to school, had lunch and had improv. Improv was kinda slack today. Didn't even do much. Good good! The weather was making me so sleepy though... When i was in the studio, I could see that outside was turning so dark and cold. Awesome weather to sleep... HAHA. Stuck in school for so long cuz it was raining super duper heavily and we didn't know where to go. When we thought of where to go, we braced through the heavy rain. Had everything with fries for dinner and went home after that.

I was totally looking forward to tomorrow Cuz there was only hiphop and body conditioning class in the morning and that's like the end of school until at night, for winter's tale rehearsal. I thought we had a long break from 12 to 4.30... Turns out that we are gonnna have Winter's Tale self rehearsal tomorrow during that 2.5 hours. Lol come to think of it I really think we will just slack off after an hour. Gah feeling so wtf right now bleh

Down and up and down and down down down

"Do you know what I mean when I say that sometimes I don't have any feelings or emotions? I'm not in a good mood, or a bad mood. I just sit there, by myself, and think. I overthink sometimes. I think about what has happened, what will happen, and what could have happened. I think about what's wrong with my life, I think about how I can get myself out of this stage, I think about why I got here in the first place. I think about everything and anything."

Went for operation smile yesterday. It was amazing. There were a few groups that really inspired me. Well in the past UTG didn't really caught my attention because TNT's stage presence was waaaay higher than UTG. But yesterday they were awesome!!! Especially the 11 year old boy. Omg I only saw him practice before. I didn't know he was THAT good. I should be utterly ashamed at myself. 

Yoga was tiring today :( Hmmm. My focus level for ballet was top notch today I swear. Awesome or awesome? Everyday should be like that! Went to eat lunch and had boring rhythm ensemble. Animal work was alright.. G201's floor needs to be thoroughly cleaned man. It's the dirtiest studio I've EVER been to in my entire life.. 

I was upset for Asian dance. Today was the first time I did full out throughout the WHOLE lesson. I was even enjoying it so much. Then she started to teach us the ending for the dance. So i just marked through, and got scolded. (Fyi that was the only time that I marked through) WHAT? I hate it when things like that happen. The reason she scold me was obviously valid... But why was she so irritated? Everytime when I'm NOT doing it right, I don't get scolded, don't get picked on. Everytime when I put in full effort, CONFIRM GET SCOLDED. I swear it was only that step that I was marking. Omg I can't believe how life is going on these days. Just making me wanna isolate myself so badly. I'm probably already well known for always getting scolded in my class. 

Can't live with such life I swear to god. This is too bloody unfair. Every class that I go to, not just lasalle, other class or even in secondary school, I try my best to be someone the teacher doesn't take notice of. BUT WHY?! EVERYTIME?! THEY'D?! NOTICE?!?!?! MEEEEEE??!?!?! HUH and it's not like I'm being called to be complimented. It's always something bad. I hate this I hate this. 

Went home straight after school. Just finished watching Beyonce's performance at the Superbowl. She's such an awesome pawsome ohmygosh~ I'm forever jealous of her flawless legs. So long, so proportionate, so sexy, so fit, SO FLAWLESS. Rihanna's legs used to be like that, until she slimmed down and became so shag. You must think i'm crazy right. I'm not a fan of skinny chicken legs. I love females who have this V shape legs. It's so nice!! That's why I can never understand those girls ah.... Legs already so small, don't even have shape, and still dare to say they are fat. -_- Lol go eat bamboo k. 

Heh feeling so good right now. I'll forget all my troubles for now. Yay SHINee for the win. My babies babies babies OHHHHH~ <3 

You're my nightmare

" Catching my breath, letting it go. Turning my cheek for the sake of the show. Now that you know, this is my life. I won’t be told what’s supposed to be right. Catch my breath.. No one can hold me back. I ain’t got time for that! Catch my breath.. Won’t let em get me down! It’s all so simple now"

- Kelly Clarkson's Catch my Breath  

Some people's just not how you wish they were. Some people's just so fake, like a barbie doll. What can you do? Nothing. Cuz it's just their personality, just them. One moment they can treat you so close, so nice, and the next they just treat you like their enemy. Ever since that incident 5 years ago, I've promised myself to stay away from people like them. How sad I actually made myself fall into the trap all over again. Got warning signs from the people around me yet I just told myself you weren't like that. I choose to believe that you aren't like that. Time and time again you just prove their words right. Ha stupid me. Once bitten twice shy (mine's actually twice bitten thrice shy). So right now, fuck off. 

Spent half of my afternoon on art history. Can't do much cuz the other half of the presentation should be done by Edem... Hmmmm it's just so hard to contact him. He doesn't even bother topping up his phone prepaid card... Well well well. 

Wanted to live sem 2 without any tension at all. Here it goes again. Fuck 3 more months. I can't wait for the holidays. This time, a freaking 3 month holiday. Can't wait I can't wait!!!!!!!!!! 

Bipolar freaks. I can't stand them. In fact, I'm afraid of them. Stay away. FAR away. 

Life goes on

Hey y'all.

Hip hop was fun today. I'm so thankful that Mycs is our teacher. I love you!!!~ We learnt a new choreography. I still couldn't get the step that I should've gotten yesterday. I was so upset with myself. Totally blaming myself the whole day since yesterday. Think I pissed Priscilla off considering the fact that she totally embarrassed me infront of the whole class and even Mycs was around. Yes I'm a slow learner. Yes I can't get stuff fast. BUT WHY PUT THE BLAME ON ME? I mean like if someone can get the step, shouldn't that person just be concentrating on themselves in the mirror instead of looking everywhere else!? Oh my god I felt helpless when everyone was laughing at me.

Body conditioning was just insane. On the way back to school, they were talking about who is doing the dance well and who isn't. Didn't dare to say anything lol. I myself did so badly. Sigh sigh sighz. Mycs said that I just didn't have the confidence. SIGH SIGH SIGH.... Contemp was bloody boring. I just don't like Leah's class. Period....

Went for the injury workshop thingy again and then left school for dinner. Had Strictly Pancakes. It was so impromptu. LOL ok got out of the shop as full as a ball. Andrea and Jingwen wanted to go back to school to sleep on the frass. I think I should name them the frass sisters. Hahahaha... Asked if mummy could fetch me home and she said yes. Yay 3 cheers for you mum~ Was kinda like ranting to mum throughout the whole ride and for once she was actually replying the way a friend would reply to me. How amazing and shocking. Feeling happy right now and yeah phew~

So I've been reading through my past blogs. Sad how after so long, my blog posts are all about the same few things. Demoralization, Miserable, Sadness, Weight issues, Parents. What the hell it never gets old. There was this particular blog that no one knows about. Like it's locked so even if you knew, you couldn't read it. Oh wait a second... K yes there was this person who badly wanted to read what was in the blog. I was sooooooo reluctant to but he was kinda like my..... super super crush of the crush crush crush so I eventually invited him into it.  BLAH shouldn't have. One of the posts was about him, and I didn't want him to know so I just put big bold words and changed the whole post into white so it'll blend with the background HAHAHA. How dumb right LOL. It was all my true feelings about a few people who meant alot to me in the past.

This came from different posts in 2009:

"I don't believe i'm so easy to be replaced.. I just don't understand.
I treat each of my friends equally good. I don't quarrel with them at all.
But seriously, none of them put me in their hearts...
When i need a shoulder to cry on, no one's there.
When i need a listening ear, no one's there..
Those people who thinks they are always here for me, they are so fake.
All they tell me is that i'm pretty, so on and so fourth. I'm not.
So if i'm pretty, i'll have more people listening to my sorrows?
Where got liddat one... Why people all so fake one..
I dont understand why must i treat people so kind yet i get shit in the end..
Dont know what to do with my life now. No one to talk to.
No one to scold. No one to laugh at. No one to hug. No one."

"I want to find a best friend. A friend which i can call anytime of the day.
A friend which i can cry to any part of my life.
A friend that i can trust to keep any secrets i tell them.
A friend that i can depend on to help me with ups and downs of my life.
Í've got none... I look as if i know alot of people.
SO WHAT. You don't know what's real friends yet if you say i've got alot of friends.
I haven't met a true friend at all. One true friend is enough to make my whole soul happy.
One. One. One. It's only one... D:" 

How sad I took friendship so seriously in the past yet no one gives a shit about me, causing me to lose hope entirely. I guess it's a blessing in disguise. I mean I no longer get upset over tiny things cuz when you don't expect, you don't get hurt.

Such a sad blog... Boohoo why am I such a person!!! Always say that I need to change but I just don't!!!

Kkkkkkk life goes on. Just gotta move on. No matter how fucked up this world is, we still gotta live.