Sunday

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. It's a cozy dark afternoon. Woke up with my eyelids as heavy as ever and a sigh. Had a dream completely unrelated to what happened yesterday. Why the hell did i dream of something so out of topic man?! Weirdness to the max. Had laksa for lunch and it made me sad. Cuz i thought of the fiqs. The day they gave me "pao" as my name was the day they ate laksa. Lol tell me why i remember such stuff?! While eating my lunch, my mom told me she bought a new Asos laptop. I asked her why because she told me she thought of buying a macbook if her computer were to die. Don't know what she told me la. Nothing that she said registered in my head. After awhile, she told me she bought a Samsung S3. I was like WHY?! & she told me she bought it just to try it out. If she doesn't like it, she'll just sell it off. RICH OR RICH?!? So in a day, she bought 2 new gadgets just like that. Wow. Ok whatever not my business. Realised there were snowskin mooncakes in the fridge so i ate one. So expensive. It was given by my mom's boss and 4 mooncakes = $100. 1 mooncake = $25. Lol rich or rich?

Went youtube to find something that would hopefully make me feel better but apparently not. The first video i clicked was an original song by Maddi Jane. Some part of the lyrics made me thought of their situation. DA FUCK. "Which way is right? Which way is wrong? How do I say that I need to move on? You know we’re heading separate ways." Ok whatever lol went to find other videos to watch. Then i remembered yesterday, Andrea used my phone to show me her kpop dance videos. The link was still open in my safari. So i went to rewatch it. Haha she made me smile. Behind one of the videos had this "NG" portion that made me laugh~~ Then 2hours catching up with Switched at Birth. Basically i just don't wanna do anything related to school, which is bad. My hip hop assignment is like due on Tuesday and I'm still procrastinating it. Awesome me.

I don't know how tomorrow will be like. I don't want to know. I wish time would stop right now. I don't want tomorrow to come. Everybody's saying how everything will change and be different from next week onwards. I don't want!!! How can i go school smiling knowing that things will change? Boohoo noooooooooooo can tomorrow don't come :'( Or can I just live in delusion, pretend that everything is still how it is? Can i....? :'( Sigh

Say hello to goodbye...

So helpless, useless. What is wrong with my college life? I swear this is getting from bad to worse. Everytime when i think things are gonna get better, it just keeps getting worse. I really thought today would be a good day.

 

Had gamelan in the morning. Andrea reached the train station earlier than me today!!! Amazing or amazing? Reached school pretty early today. Gamelan was bloody boring and confusing today. So glad it ended 30 minutes earlier than usual. Yay. Went subway for brunch then back to D201 and slept till 2pm. Had a very long bonding time with Andrea. Made my day. <3 Ariffin, Shawn and Rif came into the studio after their gamelan. Shawn was crazy.... He was like dancing and singing and being hyper on his own. I asked him if he's crazy and he said he was a lil tipsy(wth). Didnt get to see the fiqs till 4pm... :(

 

They came and they looked sad... We sat outside and chit chatted. It was all so weird because all of us knows both of them are sad. Andrea kept trying to brighten things up but obviously it didn't work. Went back to D201 after that because it was getting a little warm outside. When they were about to open up to us why they were feeling this way, Huff had to interupt by coming into the room. . . . Waited for him to leave. When he did, and the fiqs almost started to talk, this idiot came back in and decided to stay in the room. AWKWARD OR AWKWARD?!?!? It's not like ANYONE of us even talks to him. Really don't know why some people just don't know some body signals one. He knew everytime he came in, we just keep quiet. BUT HE STILL CAME AND STAYED. He could still ask me about my shoe colour when all i cared about was what happened to them. Didn't bothered about his presence anymore and Shafiq told me. Heartache. Don't know what i should be feeling. I just don't know. Tears came down right after he walked away to Afiq. This can't happen. No...... Sobs i don't know my eyes are too tired now. For 2 whole hours i felt so sad, so lost. I really wish all these were untrue. Afiq was just singing all those emotional songs, that obviously didn't help my mood at all.

 

This shafiq...... call me out of the studio just to make me cry. What the hell cry already then still tell me to look at him. HOW CAN I DO THAT. Then he said i was playing merry go round with him. Hate it when people see me cry. Hate it. Really do. This sucks i really can't type this out properly. I'm not thinking properly. I'm just thinking what's the future gonna be like.

Watched Singapore Portraits at 8. Stupid boring show. Luckily it only lasted for 50minutes. Went back up to D201 to spend time with the fiqs. Just so different. How could they end the day with Justin Bieber's Pray? The lyrics are just so heartbreaking. Teared again because the thought of what he said hours ago replayed on my mind.

"I close my eyes and i can see a brighter day." No i don't fucking see a brighter day.

"Cause I know there's sunshine behind that rain." No for now i don't see no sunshine without you guys.

 My heart can't stop aching, for me for us and for them. It still is. If i say i'm feeling nothing, it'd be a big fat fucking lie. To you guys maybe i'm over reacting but i'm not. You just don't know me. If praying helps..... I'll just keep praying till a miracle happens again :'(

 

Went home with the heaviest heart ever. Eyes so tired it can hardly be opened. I hate this i really can't believe this someone seriously just tell me it's just a prank. No fuck my life i don't want anything to change. I hate changes. Fuck no this is so sad i can hardly type anything. I really can't imagine the amount of pain and sorrow they are going through. It's hurting me to know anything.

Replaced

So! I can finally sit down here and write down all my nonsensical thoughts out. Have been keeping it inside and IT'S SERIOUSLY KILLING ME. It's so hard to tell people my problems.

Wednesday was Convocation day. So many people had to perform for it so quite a number of them were missing from PP! That day we had no gamelan. Instead, we had 6 freaking hours of performance project. You know how torturing it was!?!?!? Ok it wasn't EXACTLY torturing but it was bloody boring. We were really counting down to the number of hours left till the convocation people would return to school. After PP, went to grab some taohuey with Amin Rif Cher Andrea and Andrea(AJ) LOL. Returned back to D201 after that with the 2 Andreas and slacked. Just sat there and chatted....... then I fell asleep. Afiq woke me up. He was shouting "BERNARD!!!" & i responded.... AGAIN. Omg i'm getting so used to people calling me BERNARD. Shit why do i always get super weird nicknames.... I remember "Peanut". At first i was so annoyed that everyone was calling me that. & then as times went by, i got used to it and even responded to it. LOLOL. No honestly. My nicknames are the weirdest shit ever. "Barney" "Bakwa?!" "Bear" "Zhuzhu.....(Pig in chinese)" "Peanut" "Shannut" OMG -PULLS FACE- WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY NICKNAMES

K moving on. Shafiq bruised his knees and hurt his fingers. Apparently my kneeguards didn't work for him. Sigh felt bad :( Couldn't do anything at all. Plus i know he's not feeling good cuz twitter exposes him. I sent him a tweet on twitter, hoping he'd cheer up but he totally ignored me. Awesome or awesome? Well guess it's Andrea's and Jingwen's job to make him smile cuz obviously i don't know how. Was quiet most of the time because Andrea was always talking to Shafiq and Jingwen was always talking to Afiq. So who am i supposed to talk to? The wall of course.

Went to watch a comedy show done by the Acting students called All In The Timing. We waited for 4hours just for that show and it was worth it. IT WAS A BLOODY HILARIOUS SHOW!!!! Totally made my night even though halfway through, i suddenly had stomach cramps out of nowhere. After the show, Rebecca and Nicole also went home with us. Felt like it has been so long since Afiq went home with us. Hahahaha.

A picture with Andrea and Andrea! Hahahaha!!! 

Thursday was sad, torturing and boring. Had gamelan in the morning. Then met the fiqs for lunch at 15minutes. So Afiq Shafiq Jingwen and Andrea sat at one table and i sat at another table, alone. Even though the tables combined it still feels like i'm not part of them. Fuck totally spoil my mood. Fucking hate odd numbers. You have no idea how much i hate to be the odd one out. So they were all talking to each other bla bla bla and what am i doing? Talking to the ghost infront of me. K can. Afiq could still ask me why do i always look so tired bla bla bla. Yeah k can also. Like i've said before, tired is always the best excuse to give. It's so annoying how i can straight away tell that they are unhappy but they just don't seem to sense me at all. They probably all think it's just the typical me. Just the same like how the people in my secondary school thought about me. Always. Sometimes i really hate myself cuz i'm myself. Hate myself cuz others will never be able to accept who i am. Why can't i be like born as a noisy talkative bitch so everyone will talk to me too? Fuck.

Went to meet Jazreel after lunch. Actually i wanted to tell her alot of stuff... But couldn't find the right timing and Priscilla came with me so i didn't know how to make things not awkward between them... :( Sigh so i just decided to shut up. After 1hour we went back D201 and slack, again. The performance people came after their classes. Danced alittle before PP. God PP was bloody hot and tiring and boring. Argh stupid PP. I was grouped with Shafiq. Didn't know what was going on. Things were so quiet between Shafiq and I. Sigh hate it when this happens. I know he's not feeling good, but i can never do anything, at fucking all. You have no idea how this feels. Never fails to make me feel like i'm the one causing it. I mean if he was grouped with Jingwen or Andrea, no such problems will occur. Ah fuck myself now.

Shafiq lost his phone and we were all frantically finding for it. THANK GOD IT WAS FOUND!!!! We searched for so long and called so many times.... Really thought it was lost. Oh my god thank the lord really.. Afiq and Shafiq couldnt have dinner with us because they went dinner with Harris. Went to Yoshinoya with Jingwen and Andrea then home after that.

Something happened to them and i know the dinner must be the cause of it. I hate myself. I said i wouldn't bother anymore but i still did. I still tried to be there for him. Apparently he still doesn't want me to care so yeah whatever. Hate this. Hate how everytime i try to care, and bother, nobody fucking gives a damn. Why the fuck is it always like that. When others care, they all just go like sobbing face aw thank you for caring all this shit. & when i genuinely am concerned, i just get ignored. Wow? Andrea could still tell me how she felt like shit cuz she can't even do anything to help them. HELLO? At least they talk to you? At least they reply you with sincerity?! WHAT ABOUT ME? I'm like a fucking invisible wall? Don't feel appreciated at all. Piece of shit. That's why i hate caring. I hate being nice. What's the use when people don't even care about your existence? If i disappear, they won't even give a shit. Irritates me. Whatever i'm not the kind that is able to cheer people up anyway yeah so yeah. I don't even understand why am i trying so hard. GOD 

Had an awesome time with Edem today with the other girls. It's been so long. Went for lunch with them. Then went to Ion to walk around. Felt like a country bum. It's been so long since i went Ion sigh. I need some shopping time, SERIOUSLY. Headed to Edem's hostel after that cuz we were gonna go ECP for PP. Slacked there till 4 and left the place. Got caught by this person who is in charge of the hostel. So we were supposed to sign in in the guest book but no one knew anything. -_- Lol whatever. Went to ECP and DUG SAND. SERIOUSLY DUG AND DUG FOR ALMOST 3HOURS. Jenkin lied to us. He told us there were diamonds hidden in the sand. Of course all of us knew there were no diamonds la. He's trying to make us feel how it feels like to be one of the people who dug for diamonds under the hot sun. Was worried for shafiq because he said he had a slight fever in the morning. Scared he might faint. Lol why do i feel like i'm his mother -_-

Went to dhoby Just Acia for dinner with the usuals. Andrea left awhile later cuz she had to meet her sister and friends. It was actually a good dinner. Yay at least the day ended off well. For the whole week i felt like i don't belong. Don't know where i should be. Don't feel like i'm at the right place. Don't even know who i can confide in. Sucks. Of course my parents' faces aren't of any help at all. Hate myself. Really can cry just thinking what kind of a person i am.

Short day

K now i know why i'm sick. Must be the peanut butter that i ate. IT'S ALWAYS PEANUT BUTTER THAT'S MAKING ME ILL!!!!! & I'm just practically asking for it, because i just ate it again. Ok i only know it's the reason why i'm ill AFTER eat it. So..... LOL not exactly my fault (LOL EXCUSES!!!)

I slept at 8plus last night. & i woke up because i could no longer hold my bladder so i rush to the toilet. I thought it was like 5plus in the morning already. When i looked at the clock, IT WAS NOT EVEN 1AM!!!!! What the heck omg. LOL after that i was awake for like 2hours before finally getting back to sleep.

Only had gamelan today. After that, had brunch at 15minutes and then went to D201 to slack. I was not well to begin with, but i still danced a little. Then i got demoralized because i forgot who suggested that each of us should take turns to dance alone so we can point out mistakes easier. I wasn't in the right mood to dance and i was sick and i keep forgetting my steps and all that nonsense. So i decided to sit one corner and stop dancing. Actually sitting down and not doing anything didn't help my nauseousness. -_- I kinda think it made it worse.

Performance people ended their gamelan at 3pm. Afiq asked me to dance ruishan's dance with him with so much passion i couldn't reject. So funny.... Is it weird that i'm sitting down instead of dancing? AJ and Shafiq and Suharti asked me why i wasn't dancing and i'm like . . . LOL danced for awhile and then i got tired so i rested again. Shafiq's so sfjwenlkfa "Go dance la. Dance until you faint." Eh he ah... Don't know when to joke one. I wasn't in the right mood to respond to him so it took me like 3 seconds to understand what he was trying to say. Hahaha aw i love dance and you equally ketupat~

Danced till 4pm. Rushed out of the studio when Harris came in. Boohoo. Went back home after that. There's nothing to do at home... I kinda dislike reaching home early now... Yeah maybe once in a while it's great but this????? Nooooooo. K i should be treasuring the amount of free time i have now since i think my schedule is gonna go back to normal from tomorrow onwards. There's no gamelan tomorrow but PP is from 10am - 4pm. YOU NEVER SEE IT WRONGLY IT'S FREAKING 10AM - 4PM!!!! 6 freaking hours... I really don't know what we're gonna do. Plus the people who are in convocation aren't gonna be at PP.. & that means Shafiq and Afiq ain't gonna be around. AND Shafiq's in my group for the composition we're currently doing. NOOOOOO. This sucks :( Why did they choose to perform for convocation...

Some of us are gonna watch this show at 8pm tomorrow and so.... I've got a freaking 4hour break in between!!! WHAT AM I GONNA DO????? Ew maybe my sick brain is making me think too much about tomorrow. I should just sleep and stop thinking what's gonna happen. The best moments in life are those, UNPLANNED. Hahahaha i'm insane okie dokie goodnight my darlings. xx

Gamelan!

Woke up this morning and the sun made me angry!!! It was sooooo hot and when i reached the bus stop, i realised if i were to wait for the bus, it would take 15 freaking minutes. I gave up waiting so i ended up walking to the train station. Perspired quite abit and was rather uncomfortable.... Had BK breakfast with Cher Jingwen Andrea and Priscilla. Then headed to school for gamelan lecture.

The lecturer was someone from Republic Poly and she told us that our gamelan crash course would be graded everyday, just like what they do in RP. Ok so she was introducing gamelan to us and we were supposed to take notes, obviously. She started off well and steady, and then started speeding up and made me damn pissed. Like wth? Is she teaching or is she rushing to hell?! Plus the people around me were so noisy i could hardly concentrate. Made me damn angry i gave up copying notes when it was nearing the end. She was literally going at supersonic speed, wtf. I could tell that many people were frustrated about it. I think Shafiq was too bored.. Reaching the end of the lesson, he suddenly turned back and showed me the bakwa picture that he drew last week. & mind you, he was at least 3 rows away from me. LOL!!!

Had 1.5hours break before our gamelan practical. Chilled at 15minutes with the girls and the fiqs. Afiq and Shafiq had their lunch and we just sat there and talked to them. Shafiq told us loads of omg stories and we really said many omgs. LOL. After that, we didn't wanna leave them for gamelan, but we had to, of course. Bid goodbye and went to block C, where the gamelan instruments were at. I got the Saron as my instrument. It was so fun, surprisingly!!! I got mixed up at some point of time. SADLY, when i was messing up and couldn't get the beat, the guy was right beside me, giving me my daily grading. SUCKS TO BE ME!!!!!!! OF ALL THE TIMES.... He had to be there when i sucked the most... I really hope he won't give me anything below B :( I'll be so sad omg.

After gamelan, we went to D201 for mask work. Saw the fiqs there!!! Mingled a little while, and we needed to go to class already. Mask work wasn't that bad today. I feel like we're getting better at it. Maybe cuz we're almost getting used to it, but not yet there. K actually i haven't improved that much considering the fact that Harris kept saying i'm still very uncomfortable with my own body. YEAH TRUE...... but at least i dare to try. I remember the last time i couldn't even go up and do anything. So yeah...

Waited for the fiqs to end their gamelan lesson just to say goodbye to them cuz we wouldnt be seeing them for the rest of the day. Aw so sweet of us, i know~~~

Had pastamania for dinch/lunner (Lunch + Dinner). I ate so much omg cuz of Jingwen. I'm currently super duper bloated. So bloated i feel like i'm about to explode, NO JOKE. I think this fullness can last till tomorrow's lunch time. Went home with Andrea alone through the bugis way. Felt empty without Afiq but we had some time alone to talk. Rare times like this~~ <3 Reached home at 6pm. IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I REACHED HOME THIS EARLY!!!! Even during my work days, work ends at 6pm!!! Hahahaha.

Yay tomorrow is a super short day!!!! Happy but probably won't get to spend time with afiq and shafiq :( They technically still has school for the whole day. Aw..

HOPE TOMORROW'S A GOOD DAY. I shall be off watching my dramas now! Tata!

Sweetness

Omg i'm gonna start off this post by telling you that I'm super duper happy. Afiq and Shafiq have never been this sweet to us in our entire lives. HAHAHA First it was Afiq. They were supposed to have dinner with their class but they kinda didn't go because they wanted to spend time with us. Then now it's Shafiq. He just sent us a text saying that he misses us and all that stuff oh my god you have no clue how much we felt like we were bothering them for the past few weeks. Like it's always us going to them and they never come to us. We're always very excited when we see them but when they see us, it's just like "Oh it's them again. They are here." People who know them knows that they are friendly to everyone and hugs everyone they see. We don't feel special at all. Andrea and Jingwen kinda said all my inner thoughts out to Afiq today. (OMG I WOULD NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE SUCH COURAGE) Sigh whatever it is I think the feeling's mutual now. "I'm a happy girl, in a happy world now~ Life is perfect, it's fantastic~" <- *Sings in "Barbie Girl" tune*

 

So my day started out with a collab show done by the level 2 performers and dancers. I was almost late but managed to reach on the dot! It was amazing cuz the thought of doing this next year with the performance people hypes me up!!!! Yay!!! Greeted with the other girls and the fiqs with hugs after the show outside SIA theater. Shafiq is so funny...

"Hello -hugs- hahahaha aiyo so cute"

"What thing O_O"

"What you wear la :)"  

. . . LOL I'm starting to wonder what's his definition of cute. He finds me eating pao, cute. He finds me wearing abit dressy, cute. He find me eating taohuey, CUTE. & the weird list continues... Is he trying to say that being weird is cute? LOL.

 

We went to D201 to slack. Rif and Shawn were inside with us. OH WAIT the first thing that actually brighten up my day was that Shafiq actually asked where were we without us asking them to find us. When we saw the message he sent, all of our reactions were the same. "YAY!!!!" Oh my god we're such girls... Hahaha.

 

It took them 34290482094 years to reach D201 though... Didn't know what took them so long. We were slacking and slacking and the moment we played "Where have you been", the song to the choreo Afiq taught us, they came!! HAHA what right timing! Danced awhile and then i got uncomfortable with my top cuz it kept exposing parts that i don't want to be exposed. So i just sat with Shafiq. YOU KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING???? He was acting like a real baby and calling me mummy and doodling on Afiq's iPad... Amazingly his drawing skills on the iPad is not bad!!! HAHA he even screenshotted it. There was this other picture that he drew... APPARENTLY IT WAS ME, cuz there was this bubble beside it with the word "BAKWA" on it... Omg this baby...

 But somehow we didn't really talk that much to each other when we were in school. Boohoo made me felt like I stayed back for no reason. Sigh i could've gone home. Both of them were basically just doing their own things till about 6.30pm. Finally Afiq talked to us. Shafiq only hanged out with us for like 5minutes and then he went to entertain his senior, which was also in the same room as us. Talked till about 7pm and we left school because they had to watch a show at the National Museum. Ate taohuey on the way and that was when Shafiq looked at me and his mouth said "So cute :)" Siao. LOL.
 

So after the fiqs left, we went to Strictly pancakes for dinner. It was mad awesome. Walked around Cathay and Plaza sing and went back home. Just talked alot of random stuff while walking~ Awww this week has been really awesome. Except for the first 2 nights of the week... OH WELL MONDAYS AND TUESDAYS WERE NEVER MY FAVOURITE DAYS SO WHO CARES~ I really wish every week is as awesome as this week!!! Yes there are obviously some downs at some point of the day but this week, it was more ups than downs, AND THAT'S A DAMN GOOD THING!!! Yay i love y'all, my beautiful people <3

Heartz

WASSUP BABIES I'M BACK! My thursday was awesome, so was today actually.

We had our last ballet lesson yesterday. Didn't went as well as i thought it should be cuz i keep getting the techniques wrong! Next week is like our mid term break a.k.a Project Week. So technically this week is our last week of school but it's nonsense. I have to go back to school everyday during my "break". Well it's ok~ I enjoy school~

During hip hop, Mycx spent the first 30minutes asking each of us for feedbacks and stuff like that. Then the rest of the time to teach us a new choreography. I TOTALLY LIKE THE NEW ROUTINE! It's just awesome~ So my morning went really well~ I was really happy~ The next thing that made me happy was, I DIDN'T FEEL TIRED AT ALL DURING ARTS HISTORY. I was actually paying attention and the thought of falling asleep didn't even came into my mind. PP was kind of disappointing actually. It was so boring. First we were asked to find new groups again. Fml. Everyone scattered everywhere and everyone could find a group except me. Omg now thinking back, why the hell did i start to stress?! I was seriously standing up and looking around if anyone had a vacancy in their group so i could join. Felt so unwanted at that moment. We were asked to discuss why a chair is called a chair. WHAT THE HELL. There was nothing i could say so i just kept mum throughout the whole discussion. After that we then went back to our previous composition group to do what we were previously doing. God it was just plain boring.

Bought dinner after class and went back to F307 to slack with the usuals. My night was awesome!!! First we talked alot of nonsense. Then we started dancing!!! I could finally get the choreography Ruishan taught me weeks ago! Well it's not yet perfect... WELL NO ONE'S PERFECT. Heh danced with Afiq all the way cuz he also knew the steps to that choreography~ Taught Andrea that choreography too! Hehehe it's an awesome dance ok~

Reached home at about 11plus. After showering, i started writing my improvisation journal. Wrote till about 2am and i fell asleep at almost 3 knowing i have school tomorrow. This is what your phone does to you. LOL when i get on my bed, i don't fall asleep immediately. I will use my phone FIRST before sleeping. Hahaha.

I didn't even wake up to off my alarm this morning because i was that tired. I just let it rang all the way till i had to wake up. Waited for Andrea at the train station for more than 15minutes... What a long wait. Had body conditioning class with Melissa (...) and then hiphop. We had a test on the 3 choreographies that she taught us and our bboy moves + stunts. Fml everyone failed except Louisa Andrea and Jingwen. The fuck she said everyone else's musicality sucked. SERIOUSLY i don't get her. For the first time ever i feel so insulted. It's ok if she say i suck at hip hop. I know i do because i am more of a st jazz/girls hiphop dancer. BUT MUSICALITY??? Omg OMG I just can't get over it. I don't know what she's talking really. Made me so angry. She fails everybody in every god damn test. What for have a test then, if you're gonna just keep throwing our confidence away? She don't even tell us if we've improved or what not. Really my confidence is low enough. Wait i think she has thrown away ALL my confidence. Some teachers seriously need to know that always trying to fail us will not work on some students. It's like English in secondary school. They fail the whole god damn cohort just because the teachers feel like it when in O levels, most of us at least got a B grade. SERIOUSLY? Can't they just give us a more professional grade?!?!?! Ok all these failed tests are not recorded, BUT if she can actually fail us in a unrecorded test, of course she can fail us in a real exam. Oh fuck this shit whatever.

Had chicken rice for lunch and it was not satisfying enough. Bathed and had improv class after that. Don't know why i feel like Melissa has been keeping an eye on me lately. She really gives me the vibe that i'm gonna get a warning letter (getting kicked out). Fml noooooooo but yes she gives me that vibe, a very strong one.

Danced like alot before PP. Performance project was just like . . . but got to spend time with the fiqs so it's fine~  Had dinner at the soup spoon and then went back to school to slack~ D201 WAS AVAILABLE!!! So happy! Haven't been able to use that studio after school for soooo long!! Amin and Rif were in the studio. Shafiq and Afiq joined us at about 10pm cuz they had convocation rehearsal to attend and went to buy food before coming to find us~ Learnt Fredy's Where Have You Been choreography from Afiq!!!! I've been wanting to learn that choreo ever since i saw Fredy's video but last time Afiq would just say "No im not good i can't teach" blablablabla all those nonsense. I bet he said that cuz we werent close enough to him . YAY everything's different now and i like it! I can't really get all the steps yet but SOON! I just need some time, like Ruishan's choreography from Allegra~ Hahaha.

Reached home at about 12.30am!

Photos from Monday:

Photos from today:

One last thing i wanna say.

Even though i don't show it as much as others do, i really cherish and appreciate every moment i  spend with my homiez. Andrea's my daily dosage of awesomeness so i can't survive without her! Without Priscilla Jingwen and Cher, my life in school will be empty, literally. Hanging out with Shafiq and afiq never fails to brighten my mood i swear upon this. No matter how bad my day is, seeing them will just brighten things up. Thanks for coming into my life darlings. Yes just thought i should write this down so in the future, when i read this again, i'll revive this moment of happiness <3

Pew!

Hello my dearest babies i'm here to blog again. Actually didnt want to but you know what? My memory is failing me omg. I'm afraid I can't remember what happened on Tuesday if i post tomorrow. SO~~~~

Couldnt concentrate during ballet at all. My head was stressing over asian dance project, over dance history. So yeah. Asian dance project was an utter fail. I know it. Gigi kinda even told us "You should know why if some of you guys get low marks." Sentences that formed in my head were "Yeah yeah i'm definitely one of them." "Haha fail already." Had anatomy at the frass because apparently, our classroom was taken by somebody else. All of a sudden, so many people from 2 secondary schools and a primary school came. Noise pollution... Dance history was next. Lol i feel like i'll be one of the minority that'll fail the test. FML hsitory sucks. Why am i haunted by the subjects that i fail during O levels?! Can't i study like math or something. Why must i study something so wordy like bio and HISTORY.  It was the first ever test that i've had and i know i'm gonna fail it. Zzz feels like secondary school all over again.

Went to bathe after dance history. I was super drained out by PP. First we practiced the steps and sequence of the whole "choreography". Then we spent like 2 freaking hours stressing over the music. Jasmine and Ffion weren't getting the music right at all. Afiq kept correcting them but they just kept getting it wrong and I don't even know why. Like I mean i've been in the same group as them before and they were soooooo much more efficient in the past. They made me super tired and sleepy and brain dead. After class, i just didn't had anymore energy to talk. Went to the other kopitiam for Astons. We slacked there till 9.30pm because they wanted to wait for Shafiq and Afiq to finish their convocation. Lol I don't even know why we waited. We could've left the kopitiam like 30-40minutes before 9.30pm but they just stayed there and didn't wanna move. I asked Jingwen first, why we were staying there and not going home. She didn't wanna answer me. Fine. Then i asked Andrea if we were going home by Little India way, she totally ignored me. I got frustrated. They didn't even tell me they were waiting for the fiqs. Jingwen only said "What time is it? Oh we can pass by school area and say byebye." after i tried asking them those questions. They just assumed I know we were waiting for them. I know i got pyschic powers but it's not as strong ok. So we went back school and slacked at the frass till about 10.30pm. Went home with Afiq Adi Jingwen Andrea Izzat and this guy i just knew called Hakim. Sucky Tuesday. Like I said many times before, people have monday blues, i have tuesday blacks.

Ballet was not bad today. Viewpoints was bloody hilarious today. I seriously laughed throughout the whole class. We did our regular salutations. However we did something different today. We did something called the repetitions. So we were supposed to find a partner, mine was Andrea. Then we name ourselves A and B. Andrea was A and i was B. Adam will play a song, A will do some random dance steps, and the Bs are supposed to follow. You have no idea how funny Andrea was trying to be. Her steps are just . . . . I have no comments. SUPER FUNNYYYYYY. We switched over after awhile. I couldn't remember my own steps so i just anyhow. LOL it was still funny but not as funny as Andrea's. Viewpoints made my day!

Went to 7/11 to buy cup noodles and headed to H102 to have this faculty talk with the seniors and Melissa. Yixin, one of the BA3 dancers, reminded me so much of Xuejun omg. Totally the same character. Lol speaking of Xuejun, i miss her bossiness. But all that bitch can think of is probably just her freaking THAI "GF". Ok move on. So yeah the seniors were like scolding us in a talking manner la. They were also saying how their seniors treated them in the past. It's like in movies, seniors always don't talk to the juniors etc. LOL DRAMA MAMA. Thank god i don't know who their seniors are. I won't even wanna know. Don't understand why professional dancers in training have to be cocky. Like wtf you're in school for a reason. If you''re that good then why still study? -_-

Contemp was good today. It was miss susan's class YAY! :) She was a little bit more picky on our technique today. It was good! I don't know if i'm biased or what but seriously, when she talks, I listen to her every word. It's like everything she says is damn useful to you. Ok not like Melissa's words are not useful... I don't know how to describe la. I just know Melissa turns me off alot, since day 1 lol. Like if she were to teach us theory lessons, I WILL 110% FALL ASLEEP, GUARANTEED PLUS CHOP!

Bathed and went Simlim for tea break. PP was disappointing!!!! Jasmine and Ffion totally ruined the song. SERIOUSLY RUINED. Like oh my holy cow it was terrible music. Our composition was really ruined. Embarassing shit. Ruined my good mood. Things got better after awhile. I suddenly got my hyper mood back. Maybe because my chocolate hype was firing up. Haha!! PP ended an hour earlier!!!!! Made my mood even happier!!!!! Went simlim again for dinner with the fiqs, Cher Andrea and Jingwen. Afiq and Shafiq were just talking about their embarassing moments and it made us laughed like shit!! Super funny super epic. They had to go when it was almost 8 because they had a show to catch, Spitfire grill. 5minutes after they left, we left too.

Reached home at about 9! Bathed and managed to watch one episode of the latest Switched at Birth. It's back!!! I can't wait for gossip girl and the lying game to return. Can't wait!!!!

Whats comfort zone?!

Ranted so much to Jai 1minute ago. I'm just like boiling somehow. Argh. Feels so good to be able to rant to someone. I HONESTLY FEEL GOOD YAY JAI I LOVE YOU I LUB LUB CHU.

Suddenly Yoga became a class that i always look forward to. It has become interesting~ Ballet was not very okay but still okay. I expected myself to be more focused. What happened to me. Not satisfied with my performance in ballet at all today, hmph. Rhythm ensemble was after lunch break and it was as usual, BORING. Ew Rhythm ensem is just boring. The most dreaded mask work came. SHIT every week just gets more and more scary. This week we gotta like go up and perform SOLO. We were supposed to be doing a chore, then you gotta like say how you feel out and SING IT IN OPERA FORM. I was really shivering from the start. Beside me was Melissa. I kept telling her how afraid i was but she wasn't responding to me at all. & in Mask work, Jingwen is the only person in Andrea's eyes. I'm like invisible unless yeah i've disappeared from her eyes too long -_-

The seniors kinda loosen me up by making me laugh so much at their performances but also tensed the shit outta me cuz it was nearing my turn. When it reached the last 3 people, Harris was like "You can don't go up if you don't want to. I'm not forcing anyone." Stupid line. This line is said to make us feel guilty as shit. So i still went up in the end. I tried to put myself in a real situation. I managed to show like a little bit of my true irritated self but then it faded away when he told me to sing. HOW CAN I SING. Lol teared out of stress. THOSE TEARS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO COME OUT. WHY DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Argh shit i need to harden myself. I'm getting too weak. Then Melissa cried after her performance because she kinda didn't do what Harris asked her to do. THEN EVERYBODY BOTHERED ABOUT HER, EVEN HARRIS. HELLO? AM I SERIOUSLY INVISIBLE? Seriously i think i am. Even though i'm like so bloody fat and big and blocking people's way all the time, i still can be so invisible. I'm amazing, arent i?! But yeah i've been doing too many things that are out of my comfort zone, seriously.

Did alittle bit of my project work with my groupmates Louisa Sonia and Yaqi. Performance project started. We were in another new group again doing a new composition. Stuck to my old group, except this time with new members Jasmine and Ffion. They were from my blood diamond song group~ & another girl named Natalie, someone who's really close with the fiqs. I was very sleepy. Actually being grouped with the people you love is way better than being grouped with people you hardly even know their names. So it was a little boring at first but to be able to be with the people i like, it's fun enough :)

Practiced our composition after pp. Finished up our asian dance project too. Lol I don't know what to expect for asian dance project. I really don't. Went to dinner with the usuals, Jingwen Afiq Shafiq Andrea. Arffin joined us a little later. Boohoo hate to go out in odd numbers. Shafiq was like talking to Jingwen, Afiq talking to andrea, LEAVING ME HANGING ALONE. God make me felt so . . . so i didn't bother talking during the entire dinner. Because of that i didnt have that hyper mood in me. Then Shafiq made me felt like i was boring the shit out of him. Actually i could tell he was trying to make me feel better la, but it make me feel worse. Lol Jingwen Andrea and Afiq were always tacking team and always cutting Shafiq off. Then Shafiq asked me "Eh what to do with them? We need to do something to do. What to say? How?" All those sorts of questions. I couldn't think of anything at all. Then i gave him a really lame answer and he gave me 3 sad puppy dog faces. I'M LIKE LOL OK YO I  KNOW I'M BORING OK. Ew sucks i wish i was hyper and cutesy 24/7. Life would be so much easier and happier.

Aye whatever i'm a strong girl. K all these nonsense needs to get outta my head.

Persistent to the end

Gawd Shafiq's version of Lightweight has been stuck in my head since yesterday!!!! Like I've been keeping it on replay ever since Friday!!

Today sucks. 1. I realised my improv journal entry file was corrupted. I totally couldn't open it at all. What the fuck happened? I have no clue. 2. The learning portal is down. HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA STUDY FOR DANCE HISTORY???? I honestly don't understand my own notes. Sigh. 3. ASIAN DANCE PROJECT IS STILL HAUNTING ME.....

WHAT A SUNDAY!!! I spent my whole afternoon writing the improv journal. Until now i still can't remember what i wrote for the first 2 weeks. I really don't remember... :( Tried asking for help but bloody hell no one wants to help. Expected that no one would help anyway -_-

Everytime when Sunday comes, i'm sad and excited. Sad cuz there's mask work, there's a possibilty we might piss Harris off again. & tomorrow i might not be able to spend time with my homiez cuz i gotta get my asian dance project DONE. There's no Yoga tomorrow. So i get to sleep in a little more than usual. But i'm probably meeting Andrea for breakfast first. Every sunday, I always look forward to ballet. I HONESTLY DO. But after Tuesday it becomes . . . . It happens every week. God i really don't want Tuesday to come. :'( Will i get through Tuesday? Will i? Will i? After Tuesday, I'm afraid we'll get Melissa for contemp again. SIGH I THINK IT'S GONNA BE A WEEK OF HELL T_T!!! I'm stressing the shit out but doing nothing about it.... Boohoo wanna cry.

Roar

Woke up at almost 1 this afternoon. Prepared and went out to meet Andrea for lunch at Nex. I reached at exactly 2.30pm, which was supposed to be our meeting time. But she came almost 30minutes late... LOL. Had wanton mee at Graffiti Cafe~ Both of us were actually not late for Miss Susan's show at 4pm. But on the way out of the mrt, we saw Cher sitting alone on the stairs, waiting for Jingwen and co. They were the ones who made us late. LOL we were lost and took the cab there from the train station. We totally didnt know it was only straight infront of the train station. How much smarter can we get...

 

The show was boring... Sigh i hate it when they don't use music to dance. I hate sounds. I really don't like people dancing to sounds. It's just very freaky and i don't know how to appreciate such dances. The dancer for miss susan's piece was our pilates teacher. The whole choreography felt very possessed and ghostly. LOL don't like don't like. Was flipping the papers they gave out to see if I could spot Miss Shining's name on the credits area. YEAH I FOUND IT. Haiyoyo~ Miss Susan never fails to find Miss Shining to be her stage manager. I was wondering if i'd bump into her. But i realised this show has like 3 timings so i most likely wouldn't.. BUT MY FATE WAS GOOD!!! I saw Miss Shining before we left goodman arts centre!!! Holy cow she became super pretttyyyyyy. Ok not like she wasn't in the past. She's just EVEN prettier now! Nyah~~~~ Andrea asked me why i call her SHINING and not SHI NING. I'm like cuz her name's really called SHINING! Hahahaha.

 

After her show, we rushed to SOTA for the sprouts event that Miss Melissa volunteered us to do. God SOTA is just bloody nice la. Lasalle is like efjlsdncmlfnwekja compared to SOTA, to be nakedly honest. HAHAHA. K actually i knew that all along. BUT I'M STILL A LASALLE STUDENT AND LASALLE STILL ROCKS :)

 

We were there with afew seniors. God really dislike this one particular senior. She's this freaking irritating person i wish i could smack her in the face. Boss us around like some small bitch and acts like she knows everything. Damn man. Other courses are like damn close to their seniors and us, are trying to avoid our seniors as much as possible because they are just so full of themselves. Ew. Like c'mon, if they are that good then why are they still studying? -_-

 

Watched the sprouts show. The first dance piece was a really turn off. At first i thought it was cool because their prop was really cool. But they weren't synchronised at all and i really don't know what they are dancing. Second piece was not so bad. Third piece was choreographed by a Lasalle graduate. Not bad too, very creative. Fourth piece was kinda . . . Fifth piece was the best even though it's like some sort of a presentation. It was choreographed by our Asian dance teacher GIGI!!!! She's just damn awesome la~ Super entertaining and their theme was Plastic surgery. IT'S JUST AWESOME!

 

After the event, went to Burger King to have supper. I just ate a taro turnover. Started to stress over asian dance project. The people around me were all saying that they are gonna meet up tomorrow to finish up their project. I, on the other hand, haven't even done my part. I wanna meet up tomorrow too, but Louisa has this competition going on, Sonia has church and only Yaqi and I are available. This sucks.

 

Reached home at exactly 12am.

 

These were taken days back.

 

Me: Oi don't cover your face!!!

Shafiq: No i wanna cover one eye!!!

Ketupat obviously trying to emphasize my tiny eyes . . .

Normal shot~~~

Ketupat gone!

 

I don't want Tuesday to come!!!! :( I have a freaking test on that day and the stupid presentation that i have not completed... ROARRRR

❤

Friday friday today's friday was a not so bad but still kinda bad Friday.

 

We started the day with pilates and then hip hop. Got really super duper sad and lousy during hip hop. I practiced the step i sucked at the most so many times but i still couldn't get it right at all. Then teacher said she'd grade us on the combined choreography of Mummy and Rock with You. Fuck i got so stressed and i panicked. Then i forgot all the steps. Lol literally cussing at myself while dancing. In my head i already knew i failed. I always fail. Suddenly all the not-good-in-any-fucking-class thoughts came into mind. Seriously all my classmates are good at at least SOMETHING. I really can't think of anything that i'm good at. SUCKS. TO. BE. FUCKING. ME. I suck at ballet, suck at acting, suck at singing, suck at hip hop, suck at awkjcveukgjnrdfmclvcf countless stuff that i suck at. The list can just keep going on, you'd probably read till you fall asleep.

 

Couldnt control the tears that rolled down my face. Managed to get myself back up. Jingwen broke down and I wasn't in the right mood to comfort her. I myself can't even get myself out of this shit at that moment. Texted Jai throughout my lunch break. She reply me damn slow! I send her more than 10 texts and she replied "WHY YOU TYPE SO FAST WAIT LET ME TYPE (close enough)" LOL this girl....~ I love her i really do.  

 

Went to bathe after we returned to school. Slept for 30minutes before improvisation. Lol Melissa came 30minutes late so we ended 30minutes later. Sigh bla bla bla. Ate my lunch at 15minutes cafe. Spent our whole PP lesson in the carpark!!!! LOL! Formed new group for new composition! My group consisted of Andrea Priscilla Jingwen Shafiq Afiq and 2 other new mates Beverly and (omg i forgot her name shit i'm sorry). YAY i'm so happy cuz it consisted of all my favourite people (well.... except for the 2 new mates)!!!

 

After school, Jingwen and Cheryl went for massage, Cher and Prissy went home, Afiq went for Susan's show and Shafiq had Rhythm Ensemble. So left me and Andrea behind... Initial plan was to put our bags in G201(if it was available) then head to Bugis street to walk around. But when we walked past the frass, we saw lonely boy Shafiq sitting there!!!! HAHA walked over to him and chit chatted till his Rhythm Ensemble started.

 Me love Ketupat❤❤❤

 

After Shafiq left, me and Andrea went Burger King to have dinner. Headed back to the frass to slack because Andrea needed to wait till 9.30pm to discuss their project with Adi and Edem who's in Rhythm Ensemble too.

 

❤❤❤❤❤ So much loveeeee ❤❤❤❤❤

 

When Rhythm Ensem finally ended, they had their discussions and I was just an extra there with Shafiq. He initially wanted to go Mountbatten to find Afiq but I think Afiq wanted to go home so he stayed back with us. The music students were also slacking on the frass but they were opposite us. They sang so many songs and so beautifully I just can't believe I'm in the same school as them. It's just very WOW to me. Heh such awesome vocalists, guitarists etc. They are all multi talented seriously. They moved over to our side after awhile.

 

Had mini concert of Shafiq singing again. One of the songs he sang was Skyscraper and it seriously amazed me so much. You know how hard it is to sing Skyscaper.... It's just damn bloody hard to hit the high notes. & he does it so well and didnt went out of tune at all. Omg ketupat is amazing!! AHHHH should have recorded him!!! Hahahaha. When he was singing Lightweight, Izzat was hearing too and he said "ohhhhh! underweight EH NO LIGHTWEIGHT ah!" LMAO UNDERWEIGHT. I laughed so hard man! Then Andrea said he sounded like Craig David. He started singing Unbelievable, which is one of Craig's song. IT SOUNDED SO ALIKE TO CRAIG DAVID'S VOICE! Sigh why are you so awesome!!! He sang one super classic song that I know but don't know the title. LOL this is the problem with me. I used to be able to remember every freaking title most of the songs that i know of. But now my memory is getting from baddd to worse. Like i know what song people's usually singing but i just can't figure out what title is it.. Hehehe

 

Trust me, really, when i say Lasalle has the best singers/musiciaans ever alive in Singapore hahahahaha! They are just that awesome okay okay OKAY. I really can't survive without music. Music's my life.

 

Stayed there till 10.45pm and Shafiq Andrea and I left. Saw Arffin when we passed by block D so he went home with us too. Interesting train ride back home~

 

You have NOOOOOOOO clue how happy i am that today's Friday. I get to sleep super late and wake up super late. I'M SUPER HAPPY. Gonna see my classmates tomorrow too though cuz we're gonna catch Susan's show tomorrow! K the only thing that's making me unhappy is my unfinished project work. Fml i'm such a useless freak. Seriously need to get that shit done. Also my undone improvisation journal which is needed to be handed up next Fri. Need to start getting things done!!!