I'ma special guest

I. Purposely. Made. My. Eye. Smaller. To. Tell. The. World. "SMALL EYES ARE CUTE."

I went Jai's house today!!!!! Such a rare thing ok. We had lunch at amk first, then went to get snacks and stuff. God veeeerrryyyyyy........ sinful. Haha.

 Went to her house and slacked. Initial plan was to play badminton. But when we were done with our lunch, it started pouring very heavily. So change of plans. Watched Ellen Show on tv. & then she switched to MBLAQ's Hello baby! Omg spazzed like mad~ They're so hot! At about 7pm, the rain stopped and we decided to head out and play badminton. LOL i think the neighbourhood thinks i'm crazy. We were so noisy and that place somehow gave off echos, which made it even worse. The floors were very slippery and ohmy, i fell. Thank god i didnt fell HARD. Went back to her house near 8 and her mom was so nice! She cut mangoes for us. Oh my, so delicious~ I think i ate half of the plate whoops!!! :P Hehe, i'm a fan of mangoes. Reached home before 9.

 I'm posted to Nanyang Poly. Haha, i told ya god has already put my soul in that school. Unfortunately, it wasnt the course that i wanted... So i appealed. & appealing results will only be out on 8th Feb. Sigh, why do we always have to play the waiting game? I'm so sick of it. After knowing if i got into the course i want, i'll have to worry about my audition at Lasalle and my upcoming guitar exam. ARGH, & when i'm done with those, SCHOOL STARTS. Ok....

I guess tomorrow is a day home. Wow i don't know what i should do tomorrow. I've got no shows to watch... Actually i do, but i don't have that mood to watch. I don't know where my mind and soul is right now, honestly. I want school to start, to meet new friends, to start dancing again. I love the feeling of being in a dance club. & yes i'll be joining Foreign Bodies @ NYP. I heard from Heather, my friend at NYP, that i've got to get through with auditions???? Arghhhhh why is life all about tests and auditions and interviews. So sick. Nevermind i'm sure its not as tough as Lasalle's. No harm trying~ Haha. As for now, i shall just rot.....

Happy Birthday EVERYONE!

(Ignore the date......) 

Today's the 7th day of the Lunar New Year! & the Chinese people says it's 人日. Therefore, it's everybody's birthday today!!! Ho ho ho! Happy birthday everyone! :)

Had this cny party in the afternoon today. Relatives and parent's friends turned up. God, we're all like complete strangers. -_- Seriously? Especially this "aunty" ah. She talks to everyone else EXCEPT for my family. She looks at me as if she wants to kill me. She says "Happy New Year" as if i force her to. Basically she just hates my family. WHY MAN WHY!? I don't get it. One of my cousins and i have acne problem. She bothers asking my cousin about it, BUT DOESNT EVEN TALK TO ME. Not like i wanna talk to her, but yeah. I don't think i've offended her in any way lor please. Why did my parents even bother inviting their family huh!? That family got cny gathering also never invite us ah please. Why can't i have a happy family like all the other people?! I see other people's big family photo, i feel so envious ah. Don't talk about talking photos with my cousins, we don't even ask each other "HOW ARE YOU?" Gosh feel kinda sad really...... This kinda gathering makes me feel damn depressed. I mean, WE'RE RELATED LEH. Oh my god. We can't even start a short conversation with each other.. Argh.  

Yvonne, Liqian and Andrea came to the gathering too. Kinda bore the hell out of them lol~ Andrea went home at 4.30pm. Yvonne, Liqian and i decided to catch a night movie. Caught "Dance dance dragon". Awesome show but nothing beats "We not naughty" hahaha. Reached home at about 10 and daddy started talking to me about school and stuff. Lalalala posting results will be out tomorrow. I really don't know where i'll end up. Sigh :(

I have decided.

So I'm currently blogging through my phone thus, i don't really know how long or short this post will LOOK like. Today's an average day. Doesn't feel like a Saturday at all. That's probably because everyday feels like a Saturday to me. Holidays gettin too long... haha.

I met up with Jai at J8 in the afternoon to return our due library books and had our lunch at Mos burger. Headed to Fanny's house after that and slacked there the whole afternoon. Mommy then texted me, saying that they were coming over to fetch me for dinner. So went for dinner, then straight home. Nothing really interesting today.

I've been thinking about this question that I always couldn't answer when someone ask me. "Who would you pick? Someone who loves you more, or someone whom you love more?" I've got my answer~ I'd totally go with someone whom I love more. I KNOW, that's kind of a stupid answer but have you ever heard of the song "Thinking of you - Katy Perry"? This song's been stuck in my head for so long, but I just couldn't remember the title until I saw it somewhere today. That song pretty much explains how I feel about this. If I'm with someone who loves me more, I'll always be thinking about the other someone whom I love more. That's bad, isn't it? Haha, love hurts, that's what they all say, and I agree. You can't escape that.

Sorry for all these weird nonsensical talk about such things. I've said before, thoughts like this keep flashing through my head. Too much drama~ Well the next "topic" I wanna talk about is Smokers.

I've been wanting to say my feelings about smoking so many times on twitter. Then I realized many "friends" of mine have already started smoking. -_- & they might think i'm against them. I kinda am but I'm trying to close one eye about it because I'm not their mother I can't tell them to stop. I'm not a very good friend of them either so there's no reason why they should listen to me. I used to hate smokers alot. Well I still do but..... I don't know. I don't get why people want to even pick up smoking in the first place. Your nails would get black, hands and mouth and every part of your body gets smelly, money gets wasted and you'd look like you're 30 years old when you're only 20. What the hell???? With all the money that you guys used to buy cigarettes, I can probably buy many many beautiful dresses from branded shops.

You smokers say you hate it when people walk pass you and they hold their breath. SERIOUSLY WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? It's a fact that it's smelly and YOU are smelly. If you don't want people to do that then DON'T SMOKE. Please don't tell me you use freaking perfume to cover up the cigarette smell because FYI, it just makes everything smell worse. I can understand the previous generation(our parents generation) smoke. Most of them didn't have proper education about such things and all they did was follow their parents. BUT YOU GUYS????? Don't say you're stressed cuz that's a freaking stupid answer. Don't say its cool cuz that'd would just prove that you're mental. Eating is a way to distress. Watching shows is a way to distress. Maybe talking to somebody might help. Must you SMOKE? NO! I can never ever find a reason for myself to hold a cigarette on my hands.

Well I'm kinda done with the smoking rant. Hate for all you want. Ha!

I need a new life.

Went Jurong East for a swim with Liqian, Yvonne and Charlotte today. It was so fun. I love the pool. I love the quietness over there. It's almost empty man, seriously. Felt so good. Bumped into afew Bpsians outside the complex~ What a coincidence! We then headed to West mall for dinner. Charlotte's boyfriend came when we were almost done with our food. Reached home at about 10.

I want a life-changing-experience. I want to befriend princesses, queens and kings. A part of me wants to be a princess, because afterall i'm still a girl. I grew up playing barbie dolls, fighting with my brother over the smallest stuff, whining about every single thing i hated. I love to play dress up games. I used to play with my mom's make up. I also loved to play pretend-to-be-disney-princesses-games with my childhood friend. But god didn't want me to grow up to be a pretty young lady. He didn't gave me the body to embrace. He didn't give me the face people would love to see. He didnt give me hands a lady should have. He didn't give me the skin a princess should have. From young, i had scars everywhere, i had tanned lines because of swimming too much under the scorching sun and i was born hairy. What? Seriously.....    

I wonder why i'm always not invited to any parties. By that i don't mean lame BBQ outings or some HDB flat bbq shit. I want to attend parties.. :( Parties that are properly planned beforehand.. I love it when people plan things. This is probably why i feel like there isn't a need for me to dress up. DRESS UP FOR WHO TO SEE? ME? What the hell....

Sigh i don't know why recently i'm having such thoughts. I feel like i haven't found where i belong. Ok obviously i haven't. I don't know where i stand. I'm not rich, neither am i poor. I'm not smart, neither am i stupid. I don't belong to the upper class society, i don't belong to the lower class either. I'M JUST, IN THE MIDDLE AND I HATE IT. I seriously don't know what has gotten into me lately. I think i've been watching too much shows at home. I NEED A SOCIAL LIFE. CAN SOMEBODY HELP ME OUT? I'm crying for help here. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?

They say, if i can't even love myself, how can i even expect others to love me? Yeah.... I guess i'll have to love myself first even though i really don't know what's there to love.

I really wished fairytales happened.

Yesterday was a school day for most of the all students i guess but spencer's school was an exception because his school did well in the O levels and his principal decided to give them a day off. Dad also took leave and mom doesnt even have work, so it felt like i had 3 CNY holidays instead of 2.

Went to visit uncle Joseph. He's related to uncle Edward's wife. So yeah. Did nothing much there. I thought we were disturbing them actually. Sigh i kinda wished i was close with his children. I mean i've known them since i was a kid but i was never ever ever EVERRRR close to them. Oh our age gaps are kinda wide i guess.. 19, 21, 23 and i'm....... 16 not yet 17. I guess i'm just socially awkward... Cuz i dont see how my cousin has problems talking to them like they are of the same age. I still remember all 3 of them kinda like donated their kiddy story and puzzle books to me when i was 7 or something..

WHY. AM. I. ALWAYS. SO. AWKWARD? I can't even talk to my cousins. It feels like i have NO cousins at all. Sigh everytime i see their family bond, i feel so envious of their lives. Being able to hang out with them every now and then.... I want to be able to socialise with people but i feel that they are putting a wall in between me and whoever the other party is. WHY?!

........... I really wish i can rewind time back to 2 days ago. I wanna say hi, but then i think about how the conversation will get nowhere and therefore, i decided to back out. That person's gonna go Europe to further his studies this March and i might not see him in another 3 years. Owelllll. In 3 years time, i'll be 20 and he'll be... 25. LOL ohmygod i'll be an adult by then. Ha ha ha i'll just go where god leads me...

As much as i know about miracles, it happens. 7 years ago i had a crush on this guy. 6 years later we actually went on a date and this year, he actually confessed. Well not that i have any feelings for him, but YEAH.. How could that happen man. I was shocked. Hahaha.

So let's just see who i'm gonna end up with. WHO KNOWS IT MIGHT JUST BE THAT SOON-TO-BE-25-YEARS-OLD-GUY-IN-3-YEARS-TIME~ Bleh k i'm a dreamer. For now, i'll just be sad about it and 3 years will soon fly pass.

Infatuation? GO AWAY! I DONT WANT THAT.

Ok i'm in an uber stressed mood now. I've got no one to talk to and the only person whom i thought would listen to me talk, ACTUALLY IGNORED MY MESSAGE. Well, if she didnt reply me obviously she ignored it. That's saddening.

It's 2.10am in the morning on the 25th of January and i'm just, STRESSING OUT! I really don't know what i'm stressing about though.

I slept at 3am last night and got up at 10 in the morning. That's insufficient sleep. & usually if that happens, i'll fall asleep in the afternoon. & that didnt happen to me today. Ok i meant yesterday. & i'm still up so late, fantasizing over some imaginary future. EH?! I gotta wake up from it but i dont know how. I can't seem to distract myself from it. I'm like hoping it'd happen again. GOD i'm not making any sense.

I wanna be 20 soon :( I feel like i'm too young.... Or maybe my group of friends are old. K i don't get it. When i was 13, 17 was very old to me. Like when i hear people say, "i'm 17." My mind would just tell me that she's old enough to do anything she likes. Now that i'm turning 17, i feel YOUNG, because other people is gonna be 20 or 20PLUS. & age gaps are some weird thangs. When i was 13 and hear that my friends are dating someone 5 years older, i'd go "WHAT THE HELL HE'S TOO OLD FOR YA." Now that i'm 17, and if someone tells me she's dating someone who's in their early 20s, it feels normal.

OH MY GOD I'M REALLY SORRY I'M NOT IN A VERY GOOD STATE TO BLOG NOW.

AND I'VE GOT AN IDEAL GUY IN MIND. This is so random but YEAH! & i know i've got stalkers OMG STALKERS HI. AND AND i prefer talking to people IN REAL LIFE than to TYPE TYPE TYPE HERE. Cuz you know why? When you're online, there's this computer language thing. Sometimes people "lol" cuz they are just bored with you, and sometimes because they really mean it. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW UNLESS YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH THAT PERSON FOR A LONG TIME. 

& sometimes i laugh real hard when someone sees my facebook relationship status and thinks it's real. SERIOUSLY I'M STRAIGHT. Hi guyz if you read this, i'm freaking straight so don't assume anything k! Even though i'm not very extremely girly i'm still very extremely straight k. LOL.

I'm sorry i needa stop this random post because fyi it's 2.40am now and. I don't know. I just can't get any sleep thinking about what happened just now. So yeah see ya babies.   

Out of my comfort zone!

I got wokened up by Winnie and my mom this morning at 9plus10 cuz they said we were gonna leave house at 11am. I was like dang i need some sleep. Slept at 3plus last night so obviously i had an insufficient amount of sleep. After i got dressed and stuff, dad told me that the owner of the house that we were supposed to visit wasnt home. So i actually couldve gotten like 2 more hours of sleep. Arrrrrghhhhhhh kinda spoilt my morning.

Went to uncle Edward's house. At first i didnt know who he was until i saw his son playing DDR with afew small kids. K........ It was getting so boring there. 1st, i didnt know how to use their remote control. LOLWTF. No matter what i pressed, the channel or whatever didnt change. So i was like stucked at Channel U. No one there knew who i was so i had no one to talk to. Sigh :(

All of a sudden, uncle Edward came talking to dad about Spencer's school and weight and stuff. So i just sat there and listened to their "stories". AND THEN, out of the blue, Eugene became extremely hyper over the weight issue because uncle Edward said he used to be my brother's size. & from there, he started talking to my mother and spencer. Everything was so hilarious man!!! So entertaining. For once i didnt feel so bored in such gatherings/visitings. However, my dad just had to spoil everything. He suddenly said we had to go and then where did we head to? HOME. Wa seriously. I was like WHATTTTT. Just when the fun started, he had to spoil the fun. So sad.

Came home and watched afew episodes of Gossip girl and then went for dinner at Payalebar. Then headed to my 1st uncle's house. Hehe i love their dog~ One of the oldest dogs i've known. It's like the bigger version of Latte~ How cute! Today is like a Dog-Talk-Day. Mom and Eugene was talking about his sick dog today, and then my aunt was also talking about her dog juz now tooooo. Yay dogs' are men's best friend. They are too adorableeeee. I love pets~

So i don't know what i'm gonna do tomorrow. Let's just see bout that. For now i'll be gone! TATA!

I'm bringin sexyback, YEAH!

Outfit for first day of CNY~

Hello princesses! I'm back from collecting angbaos! You know? People gamble and get wasted on during Chinese New Year. I dont do that. Sigh no wonder it's so boring. I don't really have friends that i can drink with :( Plus my brother's still somewhat young to drink and so yeah, only a word to describe my day, BORING.

So i continued watching Gossip Girl but i somewhat couldnt concentrate on what i was watching. Don't know where my mind was at. So i decided to browse through www.lookbook.nu. Kinda wished i was skinny enough to wear all those beautiful clothes :( Sigh when will i ever slim down...

Fion and family came over to my house for visiting in the night! Talked alot about JCs and Polys and school stuff etc. Hahahaaa felt good talking about nonsense honestly. Took polaroids tooooo. Hehe thankfully, the night turned out well..

Sorry if my eyes looked alil sore... It was in pain when i took this photo!

The one and only lady i've known my entire life~

Chinese New Year's EVE!

Happy Chinese New Year's Eve!!! :) 

Hello peopleeeee~ I've ate a little TOO MUCH today. Sigh. I finished up a jar of cookies, ate ba gua, then dinner and lunch, NOW i'm tempted by the CNY goodies on my dining table. Oh my god. Seriously!!!! Usually ONE MEAL is enough for me. I hate how my stomach gets bloated every night. God, it's damn uncomfortable! I really don't like where chinese new year is going. I can't imagine how much weight i'm going to put on. :( Sigh... At times like this i wish i'd suddenly grow 10cm taller so that my weight would even out.

I've started with Gossip Girl Season 4! I think i'm going a little too fast.. Just 4days ago i was still at Season 2... Hahaha. I hope Season 5 is available online because i need to catch up with that~ After that i'll probably continue with Pretty Lil Liars. I don't think i wanna continue Vampire Diaries... I think Vampire stories is kinda overrated right now, so yeah. 

& I really wish school would start now... I need to switch my body clock back and only school can switch it back for me :( Look at how big my eyebags have grown... Sigh!!! WHY DO EYEBAGS GROW ANYWAY!? It's not like I'm not getting enough sleep! Irritating body. Why can't god just make us all perfect?!?! 

When CNY's over, JAE results will be out. If i dont get into the course i want, i needa appeal and i'll need to wait again. After THAT, Lasalle audition and essays and interviews. Oh god. I keep stressing out.. OH Valentine's Day is coming too! Hmmm well every year has always been the same for me. Ah whatever life is just too boring sometimes.  

I need some charm in me.

Hello~~~~~ I've bought my Gossip Girl seasons 3 and 4 yesterday and hopefully i don't shock you, because i'm gonna be done with Season 3 soon. I'm left with 4 episodes. Gosh it's just so addictiveee.

So i submitted my documents at Lasalle yesterday too and sigh.... I've been thinking alot about it even though i've been keeping my eyes on the screen cuz of Gossip Girl. I feel like i dont make the cut. I'm just a girl with passion, not talent. I think i've said something about this before so i shall not crap too much here. I just hope i get chosen somehow.. I really wish i do.

Yesterday, i saw Instagram and saw a dance junior of mine posted a picture of her flexibility. & i remembered taking a photo with the same pose. Didn't wanna post it up because............ :( sigh i'm a plus sized -_- Well.... I think it's kinda disturbing to some people to see a plus sized girl doing such moves BUT lol, probably proves that girls of my size also can have such flexibility?

Alright, actually i've got nothing much i can write about. Tomorrow's Chinese New Year's Eve and i'm sure i'm gonna get bombed by all those ridiculous questions on Monday and stuff.... Yeah -_- Not really looking forward to that honestly.

I really wished i was from a freaking rich family. Like seriously rich? The kind of rich where i can just fly off to anywhere and be back in a day without planning, go into a shop and buy anything that pleases my eye without thinking, wear beautiful dresses and be a lady where other rich families judges you <- IN A GOOD WAY? (LOL RIDICULOUS BUT YEAH?) I wonder how that feels. I live in a middle class. I'm neither here NOR there. God why must i be born in Singapore....? WHY????? You know what? I will TRY not to criticise myself anymore. I think i can write a book about how imperfect i am, in EVERY and ANY way you can EVER think of.

I need to find where i belong. I want to be myself but i also wanna be someone whom the world accepts. Guess it's really hard to live a life I want.

Wavy hair fetish

Okie hello darlings i'm back again with another new post.

So i'm almost done with Season 2, like another episode to go and i'm thinking of getting Season 3 tomorrow, since i'm heading out. I've called up Somerset's outlet and they didnt have stock for it. Hehe i just wanted to make sure they didnt have stock. So i called up the other outlet, which is at Marina Square & the good news is........ THEY HAVE STOCK!!!! Yay me! HAHA. I needa think of a way to tell my mom i wanna get both S3&4 together so i don't need to keep going back there to get it. HMV kills me :( Cuz everytime i go there, there's so many albums i wanna buy!! 2NE1's Concert DVD! It's 60 bucks!!! & if i wanna get both s3&4 together, it's 180bucks in total!!! So i've decided. I'm not getting 2ne1's dvd until i'm done with gossip girl. I have no idea how long i'll have to wait for S5's DVD to come out..

Due to watching too much of Gossip Girl, i've been into curls lately. K actually it's been quite some time since i'm into curls. The first time was when i was watching We got married(Yongseo). I kinda liked how wavy Seohyun's hair looked. It's so natural looking. Then Blair Waldorf and Serena Van der woodson got me into the curly hair feel again. So i decided to try it out on my own hair last night. That was the first time i used the curling iron and it didnt turn out that well. Hmmmm? Everyone's got a first right? Hahaha.

I was trying to achieve Blake Lively's messy wavy hairstyle. Guess i didn't manage to get that. HAHA. So i tried again this afternoon, but it turned out worst....... :( Sigh. It looks more like Seohyun's curls to me. Not really the look that i wanted i guess.

Bad lighting VS Not-So-Bad lighting. Sorry guys!

THEN! I tried it again in the evening, which is a moment ago before writing this post. It kinda turned out the way i wanted! I found the correct method to curl it! Unfortunately, i didnt take any photos~ Haha, contemplating if i should do this for CNY.... Hmmm maybe not. I don't know yet! We shall see~ Hopefully i'll get my S3&4 tomorrow woohoo!!!

Sweet talks

Hi babies i'm back here. I slept at 4 in the morning, and was supposed to wake up at 9plus. Obviously i overslept and when i looked at my phone, it was almost 11am. I had to head to W's house at like 12. "OSHUCKS I'M LATE!!!!" That's what i thought. I quickly rushed out of the house and to my surprise, i was actually 20minutes earlier~ To top of that, i walked like a zombie, literally.

Had chicken rice for brunch at a nearby coffeeshop and went W's house to slack till 2. I was too tired so yeah, i fell asleep, again. Headed down to Somerset's HMV after that to get my Gossip Girl DVD and THANKGOD they had Season 2. They didn't have Season 3 there and i'm kinda worried? Cuz in no time, i'll be done with season 2. I'm like at episode 15 now. I'm sure before the weekends i'll be done with Season 2 :( I need my season 3..

I think i said in my previous post that i'd get my IC done and stuff but HA HA HA, lazy worms got into me and yes i didnt get it done. Probably tomorrow??? Since my mom's gonna be home and I'M gonna be home... Liqian, Charlotte and I was supposed to go swimming tomorrow. I swear i looked forward to it... Until i heard something visited Charlotte..... Thus plans got cancelled :(

You know? It actually feels good to not have the K-pop vibe in me. Afterall i used to love English shows more than anything else. There's so many english shows that i gotta catch up with! Vampire Diaries S2? & yesterday night i started watching Pretty Lil Liars S1! I wanna watch finish all of them! Watching Gossip girl brings me back the thought of going to New York :( I wanna go NY... & i still wished i was born an caucasian... Cuz if i was, it wouldnt be a crime to be tall and 5'5(165cm) wouldnt be tall because what's tall to them would probably be about 5'8(170cm) and above. Honestly if i was in America or whichever english country, i would love to be 5'8 tall.. That'd feel good. HAHA.

Alright enough of me blabbering. I should probably find food(SHOULD I?! I NEEDA SLIM DOWN!!!) and continue watching Gossip Girl~ CYA!

Sensitive topic to ME.

A pretty awesome day~

 

Wassupppppp~ My initial plan was to stay home today because i thought i needed alot of sleep since i was totally tired yesterday. But my momma kept pestering me to get my CNY clothes... So, i dropped Liqian a text asking if she could shop with me last night. She was fine with it so we went out today~

 

Had lunch at Subway and i was totally famished that time. I think i could eat a footlong at that moment. OH SHUCKS? Why didnt i bought a footlong?! LOL i'm so dumb okay. Move on, we went to Somerset and walked around, hoping that i could find a dress that suits my body and it's not in a dark colour. During CNY, we cannot wear dark coloured clothes... -_- Went Newlook, Zara, F21, Cotton On... Nothing appealed to me :( Like it wasnt appropriate for CNY. So we decided to go H&M.

 

I didnt expect myself to get anything from there, since it's kinda pricey eh? BUT I DID!!!! I bought 1 dress, 1 top and 1 skirt from there! Hehehe CNY clothes settled!!! :P I realised i bought 3 different sizes for all 3 of the clothings. My TOP; US 8, my skirt; US6, my dress; US4. K let me explain.

 

I have a freaking inproportionate body. Overall, i'm kinda overweight looking for my height. I'm 165cm anyway~ (I've probably grown like 2cm, my gut feeling tells me that... So MAYBE i'm 167cm..) I have very huge arms and boobs, so that makes my upper body look huge. When i buy tops, i gotta buy like at least 2 sizes bigger. That's another reason why why i cannot wear tanks or sleeveless tops. My waist is rather small for my size. It's like erm, 26.5-27inches? I know it's not that small to people who have 24inches waist k -_- However, my thighs are like huge huge! So when i buy shorts/skirts/pants/lower body clothing, i gotta buy bigger size too! If i get my usual size, i cant get in cuz i'm pretty sure it'd get stuck halfway since my thighs are so big. -_-. So my size varies from like US 4-10... That's a really big difference i know. LOL. So, tops can be of US 6-8, bottoms probably 6-10. I usually won't go up to like US10 unless the shorts is like FREAKING TIGHT. Overall clothings 4-6. I don't really know why overall clothings i'm of a smaller size? LOL. Irritating body. Huuuuuuuuuuuul i've revealed something very personal to myself :( HAHAHA WELL I HAVEN'T REVEALED THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE; MY WEIGHT. Nah... Over my dead body kay~

Hehe so yeah. My day went kinda well today. Reached home before 10pm~ I'm gonna print out my passport photo tomorrow, & maybe i'll go do my IC. Needa get it done ASAP!!! Cuz i heard it takes like 1 month processing time!! That's so long! I feel empty without my IC really :'( So long suckas!!!

The beginning

Yesterday was actually a really boring day. Spent my wholeday home watching dramas. Hahaa, was supposed to go shop for new year clothes but daddy had a company dinner to attend and mummy had a major headache. Awww slept at 5 yesterday night cuz i was trying to finish up Master of Study :( The episodes i watched last night kept making me cry :'( So saaaad.

Alarm clock rang at 9plus today but i got up at 10. Quickly bathed and headed out. I thought i was late, but i ended up being too early. LOL. W came at almost 12.30. Had lunch at food court and walked around j8 aimlessly. There was nothing to do... W wanted to go check his account if there was money. & coincidentally, i saw Jocelyn there. HAHA~ Went to his house and slacked. Yawnz talked about everything under the sky. I was so tired i fell asleep for like what? less than 15minutes?! Oh my god. I was really very very tired. I just don't understand why i cant get to sleep. I'm just like shit man can i just go to sleep already... -_-
I was there till like 6plus cuz W had to work after that. So i left.

There are many thoughts running through my head right now. I kinda wish i had a 'sort' button somewhere so i know what's going on in my messy mind. It feels too surreal to be true. Well, i just wanna carry on watching my dramas for now! Hehehehehe ta-ta!

My dream is too far away from me.

An extract from Crash Test Love - Ted Michael

WASSUPP! I went Lasalle today!!! If y'all dont know what's that, it's an Art College in Singapore. I've been actually searching up on this school alot since the beginning of Secondary 3.. I have this dream in my mind that i could actually be in an art school when i was 15. However, i dare not told anyone lol...  

Reason being, I'm a passionate dancer, not a good dancer. I was afraid of how others would think of me. Based on facts, only slim and talented people gets Dance diplomas and BA Hons. I'm not born with a performing arts background. I just love to see how people move to the beat since young. I do not have any talents when it comes to dancing and that i can guarantee you. I dance like a freaking duck. -_- Of course my body size is another problem. I'm always like the plus size in a dance group. ALWAYS. I don't care.. I still like to dance...

  

I asked alot of questions through email in the past 2 years and it didnt built up my confidence at all.. The genres Contemporary and Ballet aren't my thing even though i love to see their presise movements. One of the requirements was to go for a one and a half hour Ballet and Contemp. lesson and then you'll go for the audition. I'm scared. I'm not confident at all.. :( I badly want to enter the school.

During the June holidays last year, my academic grades were horrible. So my mom asked what plans do i have for the future. I couldn't answer. I loved dance. If i could persue dance as a career, i definitely would. However from my parents point of view, i'm sure they'd want me to take up a diploma that is able to secure me a more stable job. I still end up telling them i would wish to take a shot for the audition. They agreed and i told them i needed some dance moves to make a DVD that i thought was needed for the audition initially. So i went dance lessons here and there, hoping to come up with a 3min long solo performance. But i failed.. Demoralised me even further... :( So i gave up that thought..

A few days back, my friend from Lasalle knew that i wanted to try out the auditions told me that there was an openhouse at Lasalle. I wanted to go :( but i couldnt think of anyone that would go with me.. Hence, gave up on that hope again. Sigh. Feeling despondent because after so long, he reminded me of how much i wanted to get into the dance diploma course.

This morning, i got a message from Andrea, asking if i wanted to go for the Laslle Openhouse. I agreed! Couldnt believed that i actually went. I don't know if it's god will for me to go for the audition but yes. I toured the school somewhat and i really loved everything. Unexpectedly, i applied for the dance course. AND I'VE GOT A REAL AUDITION. Like seriously, no joke. Oh my god. Sorry for making a big deal out of this, but just in case you dont know, IT MEANS ALOT TO ME.

THERE IS MY NAME. I'm not dreaming. It's real.

Even though chances are low, i really do hope i get accepted... I don't mind the long training hours. Even though I hate history but if it's a must to learn it for dance i don't mind.. Just accept me in :(  

Reached home at about 5. Wanted to head back to TPY to meet W but.... the moment i jumped onto my bed, i didnt want to get up already.. Hahaha stupid bed. So i ended up watching TvN for the whole night till now. Stupid Kpop hunt. I think it's a stupid show and stuff. I dont think ALL the selected ones have talent. From the first episode i can already tell who would win. So what's the point? LOL.

Overall i've been quite happy today. :) Yay me! Now i shall continue watching Master of Study~ Cya around!

Time heals everything.

Hello everyone who reads this blog. I haven't been here for quite awhile. Actually i've drafted like 2 posts for the past few days, but i didnt put it up because i thought it was too melodrama-ish and has got nothing much to do with my life.

I went to catch Mission Impossible yesterday with my fellow idiot Jai~ It was fantastic man! To me it was way better than Sherlock Holmes hehehe. The view from vivocity towards Sentosa was really beautiful. I like it there. It's so quiet, so peaceful. Perfect place for couples to me :) We talked quite alot and the best part was one of the topics that we talked about was the JAE registration shit. Haunting us, haunting me.

When i reached home, i showed my parents my 12 choices. They were sort of unhappy i guess. We had a little arguement here and there but obviously they won. So yeah choice listings isnt listed according to what i want. Whatever it is, i'm sure i'll end up in the course i want. K i take back my words. I don't know at all. I'll just appeal if i never get in, i guess.

I lost the game. I hate such things. Sometimes i wished 2 girls could be legally together. NOT SAYING I'M A LESBIAN, god dont get me wrong. I feel like i'm happier when i'm with my girl-friends. I can talk about anything under the sky and feel happy about it. Guys brings pain to my life. Sometimes i don't even understand why most of us have to go through this cycle. I just don't get it. The sweetest memories could be your biggest nightmare, bringing you the most pain.

Karma loves hittin on me.

Heya wassup guys i'm feeling waaaay better. Thanks to a certain someone who totally brighten up my night and made me fall asleep at 5 in the morning ohmy. I've come to accept it that i'm just this way. So yeah, whatever course that i go, is whatever god wants me to do. Right now, i know even though my grades are like this, i've gained something back in return. Thanks.

Recently i've been having dreams almost every night and i'm liking it alot. It's like entering my world in the night to enjoy and then waking up to face reality when the world brightens. I don't know about you but i myself loves dreams alot. Sometimes i wished it was true but having to be able to even dream about it makes me happy and i'm contented enough.. Hahaaa. Hopefully i'll just continue dreaming.

Now i'm here to talk about how bitchy karma is. I didnt believe in karma until it started to happen to me. MANY TIMES that is. When i was young, i used to ask my mom why her boobs were so big. Like seriously straight in her face without even thinking about her feelings. Of course i knew she was hurt now that i think of it. & she told me that i'd have bigger boobs than her when i grow up. I didnt believe, but now that i'm 16, yes. It happened. Then when i walk on the streets, i would ask my mom why some people's faces are full of pimples. I find it really disgusting when i was young. AND WHAT HAPPENED? I had a face full of acne and i almost went into great depression cuz of it. & recently i've been asking myself why guys in singapore are just so short. I swore that i'd never get a boyriend nor husband that is below 175cm. I'm so gonna die for saying that sentence. Karma's so gonna hit me and give me a boyfriend/husband that is below 175cm. Sigh. Why oh why. I should learn to shut up. LOL.

I hate it when people enters my life without the intention of staying. Leaving me memories of you, and then just disappearing without a word. DONT YOU KNOW ITS HURTING?! It might not mean anything to you but it means something to me... Wanna know why i hate relationships at this age? BECAUSE IT'LL END SOMEHOW SOMEDAY IN SOMEWAY. & i hate it when people leaves me. They make me feel so important then the next day they can just forget about you entirely. That's very saddening. WAIT i'm not in a relationship, just saying cuz friends keep leaving me. & i've got guy-friends whom i was very close with but decide to just shake their ass and kick me out of their lives. Sigh meanie.

K i know this is one of the most random post but that's just cuz i'm at home and i've got nothing to blog about and i just felt like saying whatever here. So yeahhhhhh. Ta-ta~

Depression

What should i do... I know i've improved like alot compared to my prelim results. I know this is already quite acceptable when i've only studied a month before O levels. But i really cannot take it. I hate how my parents always make me feel so high and mighty when i'm upset and then suddenly make me feel so low and stupid when they are angry with me. Why must you lie to me? I dont wanna live in delusion. I know i've done badly. That's a fact. Why must they pretend that they are happy with my result? Just in case you dont know, it's torturing. Who says i've got lots of choices? No i don't. They only place it there for show. When the JAE results come out, that'd be even more depressing because i'd probably end up in a course that i wont wanna be in.

When i got my result, i was initially okay with it. Then i started to think of my future. My whole mind became so dark i couldnt help but think that i've got nowhere to go. Hence, tears starting falling down so quickly i couldnt even control myself. I thought of how others would start judging my score,  how pathetic i'll be in people's eyes. People came and told me that i had alot of choices. FUCK YOU NO I DON'T. Stop deluding me. It doesnt work. I know there's nowhere i can go..  

God does things for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. WHAT REASON?! TELL ME NOW. Lasalle? I CANT EVEN ENTER LASALLE GOD DAMN IT. One of it's requirements is 5 passing subjects. I only have fucking 4. What do you want? I really don't know what to do. I can't see any light in the future i swear. A fucking depressing day. The moment i think about my score, tears automatically fall down. I can't be optimistic. I swear i can't. I'm not convinced that i have a place anywhere. No one is able to know how i'm feeling unless you're in my state, seriously.

I can't believe how some people are actually accepting towards their score when it's more than 20. It's just unbelievable to me. In my opinion, anything above 18 is just hopeless.

No talent. No brains. No looks. No body. What the fuck do i have?

The world doesnt accept such a person.

They annoy me.

 A little something that cheered me up.

 

Guitar wasnt that bad today. Thankfully i learned something so its ok. I went back home, and started on this new drama which was aired in 2010; 공부의 신 (God of study). Hmmm a pretty ok show. Yoo Seungho is very appealing to me. Guys like him are always appealing to me. I'm only at ep3 now because i fell asleep for 3 whole hours in the afternoon. When i woke up, it was already nearing 6 in the evening. Went out to have dinner and had a little conflict with my dad. (Always.) So now i'm like having a cold war with my father. Whatever. It happens always. So used to it.

Judgement day is tomorrow, at 2pm, in less than 17hours from now. Actually i'm not feeling that much today. I haven't been looking at twitter alot. I think that's a good thing. I shall start panicking tomorrow. Lol, but seriously i've done my best. If my score is 20. Then yeah i guess my standard is just 20points. There's nothing much i can do because retaking O levels has NEVER been an option to me.

My mood now is just eijseluvjckmlxjksce3ieljovslcrnalm. Nonsense. That penguin above made me smile a little. It's so cute...

For your info, it's two more days till my doomsday.

So i visited Republic poly today. Gosh you know what? I think i'll just stick to NYP. I really cannot tolerate the travel distance. Too damn long.... By the time i reach school, i think i'll be like a zombie. Please lord please. I just need 16 points PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...... Can monday just hurry come i'm dying to know my result. T_T Its either doomsday or 3 months of holiday. Please just give me 16 points. JUST 16..... PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I think if my result's not good, i wont have any mood to go shop for CNY clothes honestly.

Father's been pms-ing for no damn reason. Lol, don't tell me he looks down on me because i'll be going to put NYP as my first choice. I think he should seriously try living my life for a day and feel what's it like before judging me. I'm sorry i'm not the kind of daughter that you can show off. I'm just born this way.

I guess i'm going to pick up my guitar and practice my freaking exam pieces before the freaking naggy guitar teacher starts speaking shit to me tomorrow. So happy i can skip next week's lesson because of Chinese New Year. 

Stress level: 105%

Page 6 of 366: Sadness all over

I'm sorry if da GIF is irritating you but look on da bright side. There's a cute sad lil cat there for you to look at. Seriously i wish i can pull out all my hair now. I guessed what i'm feeling now is accumulated emotions.

Yesterday night i was so determined to sleep early. I switched off my computer before 11pm. Head to bed and all those results related thoughts started running through my mind. I was on da bed for 2 whole hours thinking of nonsensical things. So yes, i didnt sleep early last night. Sigh. I'm dying silently inside i swear. Why. I'm so sad that i'm not smart enough. I won't say that if i have a chance, i'd retake o's because the end result will still be the same. I'm just not smart enough and that's a fact. I visited SP and TP today. I really wanna get into a course in SP/NP. Why are their points sooooooo low.... T_T I've been calculating so many times and its not going any lower than 14... I'm so gonna end up in the pathetic, sad, dull looking NYP... It was a rather lethargic day. Guess too many thoughts in my mind and of course i do not have enough sleep..

Went to dance today with Liqian. I kinda wished the teacher was straight :( He's so hot in a way and he dances and i think he's my type of guy la. Sadly he's gay hahaha. Nevermind still as cute. I lost my wallet. All my cards, my photos, my money ALL GONE. Sigh... I wonder if that's a sign of bad o level results. Previously i prayed. I told god to give me like some sign to make me feel better. I didnt know it'd be this... T_T Then i told liqian. & she was so optimistic. She told me that i'll gain something if i lose something. So in other words, since i lost my wallet, it means my results would be quite good. Arrrrghhhhhh i can't switch my mentality T_T sigh.

I really hope tomorrow will be a better day. This photo makes me feel so warm. Dogs are the best. I love them.

Poly Open House (1)

Wassuppppppp. Stress level: 90%

Went to NYP this afternoon. Ah seriously NYP is such a boring place :( Sigh but the course i want is over thereeeeeeee. Actually i've already accepted the fact that i should be posted to this school. But when i went to Ngee Ann Poly in the late afternoon, i was like shitttttttttttttttttt. NP was such a nice school, with so many hot people. Phew it made the place like 2x hotter than it already was. Shouldnt have went there :( Make me feel so demoralised lmao. Their points are too low for me to enter any of their courses...

Will be heading to TP & SP tomorrow. Shucks i know Singapore Poly will make me go crazy because i've already seen it before and it looks so nice :( Sigh why am i soooooooooo stupid. Lolllllllllll. K so its just 4 more days till judgement day. I'm stressing the fuck out when i cannot do anything cuz our fates are already sealed. ARGGGGGGHHHHH. I DONT KNOW.

I shall sleep before 11pm tonight. Determined to sleep early. I gotta wake up early tomorrow too. Cya.

How can i love when i'm afraid?

Hello. I stayed home the whole day today. As usual i woke up at like 1pm or so. Spent my afternoon watching Adam Couple. Then Jai suddenly said she wanted to go out and have lunch. Talk halfway NO REPLY. I was like waiting waiting waiting and waiting then like 1h or so later she told me she'll stay home. Then i asked her out for dinner. NO REPLY FOR SOOOO LONG. I was getting too sleepy so i didnt give a shit anymore and decided to go to lalaland.

So O level results date is confirmed. 9 January at 2pm. Pleaase? Just give me 16 points. I've been seriously thinking too much about Poly. I see how my other poly friends are enjoying lives so much. I wanna be like them T_T & not be a loner. I'm so afraid i'll be a loner... Then i'll probably start getting depressed and eat alot alot again and oh my god fml. I'll be heading to TP and NYP tomorrow, my first two choices of schools. Then to NP and SP (not like i'm gonna get into these 2 schools) on Fri, and Republic on Sat.

I just hope i'm not labelled as a loser in poly. Just please.

A typical day at the beach

So i slept at 7am in da morning today. I really don't know what i've been doing da whole night. Seems like i've been sleeping later and later as each day passes. Sigh the thought of my results still can't get out of my head.

Met Jai at 2PM today. Waited for Liqian for 30minutes. It was kinda taking too long so i called her. AND SHE WAS AT HOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. K so she told me she slept at 7 too and couldnt wake up on time. Thus me and jai decided to have lunch. Mac was totally packed with students so we went up to food court. Ate and talked at the same time.

We reached da beach at about 5? I slept throughout the whole bus journey... It was too long and i think i would totally vomit if i didnt sleep. Cycled, took photos and slept on da soft sand. It was awwwwwwwweeeeeeeeesooommeeeeee~ 3 polaroids came out bad :( because i didnt know which setting to use.. Sigh nevermind at least another 3 came out well. Hehehe

Had pastamania for dinner with Liqian and then went back home.

ITS JUST ANOTHER WEEK MORE TILL THE RELEASE OF MY O LEVEL RESULTS!!!!!!!!!! I'm going crazy, i really am. Please please please. Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

It's 2012. (Wordy post alert!)

Hello, so i'm back from Genting. Didnt really got onto much rides because it was so boring. Instead played pool and bowling. Did some shopping there too. Got a new converse shoes~ Heh daddy won money ah that's why so nice. :P But i didnt get the red coloured shoe that i wanted T_T They didnt have my size... I'm a converse male size 5, woman size 7. Usually, if they dont have your exact size, they'd would suggest you to take like size 5.5 or something right? They didnt have it there T_T and the person gave me size 6 and i was like wth, totally doesnt fit and its so loose. So i didnt buy it. Arrrrrghhhhh not fated with red coloured shoes. It was really very nice sobs.

OH ME, BROTHER AND FATHER WENT ON THE SKY VENTURE THING. It's damn..... scary to me :( Sigh i couldnt breathe really well in there. But it's an experience la, so its ok~

On da second night, i had terrible stomachache and couldnt sleep for almost the whole night. There was no wifi there so i couldnt use the internet. Looked through all my photos and all my old messages.. Felt kinda sad and terrible. I feel like i kinda verbally hurt some people in the past, and i didnt even know. AND I REALISED, SINCE LAST TIME, people like telling me that i ACT BLUR. What the fucking hell. Don't know means dont know la. What act blur, damn annoying sia. Just get straight to da damn point and dont say 'act blur' can. Like seriously? People like to beat around the bush and im the kind who doesnt understand all these weird signs etc and you expect me to read minds. Wa seriously damn 'smart' ah.

K that was kinda unneccessary. Hahahaha okay so yes i feel so bad for alot of people and at that moment, i felt like texting those people that i'm really sorry. Hmmmm well since its New Year's Day! Of course i didnt, overseas texting is way expensive.

When i reached back home that night, all i could think of was Poly courses. It strucked my mind because Liqian mentioned me on twitter about going to Poly Open houses. Man, i'm really very scared.... I know 16 points is very easy for most of  you people to get but for me it isnt... My course that i want needs 16 points.. & IF this year's JAE COP goes down, i'm gonna die so bad... Sigh stupid people like me hardly have any choices lol.

Confession time: Honestly, in my whole secondary school life, i've never gotten below 20 points. Ha ha ha i've finally said it out. In Sec 3, i was SOOOOO close to dropping to NA(Normal Acad). Ha ha ha god decided to give me another chance. Didnt really cherish it because in Sec 4, i didnt study all the way till September. Everytime when those ladies say how smooth their sec 3 life was, i'll just be there, thinking how lucky i was to be able to stay in Express. They also love saying how awesome their Sec2 life was. Yeah and there i was, struggling with loneliness, bad results and bad subject combinations. Everytime when i said i couldnt make it, no one believed me and all they could say was "you're not very bad what". Yeah right. Now you know. There was once that i failed ALL my subjects except for Mathematics ok. That's the reason why i almost dropped into NA. How is that 'not very bad'? No one knew huh. Why do you think i always say i'm not good in anything? I know myself better than anyone. My chinese O level result, if it wasnt for the moderation, i wouldnt have gotten a B3. I'm not kidding. I wasnt really happy till i could cry because honestly, i dont think i deserve a B3.. That's like one of the biggest miracle that has ever happened to me. I've never gotten a B for Chinese in my whole sec sch life. I'm too pathetic i'm sorry. My report card is one of the ugliest things on earth i don't even wanna look at it.

Yes so i did a confession since its da beginning of the year. Now for the New Year Resolution part!

1. TO STOP BITING MY NAILS 
2. TO SLIM DOWN AT LEAST 5KG (I THINK EVERY YEAR I ALSO HAVE THIS RESOLUTION HAHAHA)
3. TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THE 6 PABOS
4. TO MAKE SURE THAT I NEVER MIX WITH THE BAD FRIENDS (i'm praying so hard)
5. ................................ Too many resolutions no good so i'll stop here :)

OKIE I'm done ho-ho-ho. Chinese New Year is approaching!!!!! & That means i'll have MONEY!!!! & also to face those annoying relatives that would ask about my O level results.... Havent bought any clothes! Needa shop!!! Wonder what i'll wear this year... Hmmm~ Well i shall decide SOOOON. For now, TA-TA!!!