All in my head

Don't really know how to explain how I'm feeling right now. It just sucks to feel like you're second or third or fourth in somebody's heart when they are almost first place in mine. I can choose not to think about it but what can i do if my brain tells me to? I can also choose to think it in a positive way. I gotta learn how to be contented. Ok ok let's just skip to the happy side of my day and leave this aside.

So we had normal classes for the whole day. Got lectured by Dayal cuz of our horrible Anatomy results. As expected..... I knew most of us would do the test badly.. Almost fell asleep during dance history... Sigh why does this teacher always talk so much nonsense that's not even related to dance history? PP was very slack cuz they were all setting up the technical stuff. We ran through the whole show twice at night. Omg my knees are filled with abrasions and bruises... Super painful. The first run was not bad to me, but the second run was the best run EVER!!!! We had the Dip 2 performance students as our audience. Their reactions to our show was the most unexpected thing EVERRRRR!!!! Though i don't really have super big parts in the show but i felt proud of the show because of their reactions. They made us felt like it's a really good show.

I'm almost done with my Asian dance journal... I really didn't know today's the last day of asian dance class for this semester. So we were supposed to submit our journals today. But those who didn't know, Gigi told us to email it to her. So yeah i'm rushing through my journal entries but i'm still left with 4. I got interupted by Andrea's call and i stopped doing it. So I'll probably just submit it tomorrow. I'm sure Gigi doesn't mind.... ><

I still have yet to pack my "luggage" for my 3days 2nights stay in school. Yepppppp we'll be staying in school cuz we're freaking ending at 11pm for the next few days and we still got school as per normal as every other day. Except our first classes for Thursday and Friday are cancelled. Doesn't make an extremely big difference anyway.... Plus we don't live very near to school. Boohoo I'm excited and not excited too. I'm excited cuz the fiqs will be staying over too~ We can watch movie and then fall asleep and leave Afiq by himself again~~~ HAHAH just kidding~ But I'm afraid i'll freeze for the next 2 days argh... I can't possibly bring my blanket/bolster to school right? Boohoo :( I have a freaking strong feeling i will, thinking about the previous time just makes me feel cold.

DID I MENTION HOW THESE KUKUBIRDS ARE SUCH VAMPIRES???? They bite me like it doesn't hurt at all!!! Jingwen and Shafiq especially!!! Deadly bites!!!! Oh well Andrea once told me she only bites people she love so i assume that's the reason for the both of them too so i'm okay with it~~ The more bites, the more love~ LOL WTH SO ABNORMAL ARGH. Ever since i entered Lasalle ah..... All kinds of skinship also have. I even learnt how to differentiate the different kinds of hugs people give. I love Jingwen's hugs the most. I always wanna tell her that but i'd forget. Since now i'm on this topic, i might as well say it~ IT'S ALWAYS SO TIGHT AND WARM AND SINCERE!!!!! <3 Then i started to judge on the kind of hugs people give and see how important i am to them based on the hugs they gave me. HAHAHA I'M SO CHILDISH AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ADMITTING THIS ON MY BLOG BUT...... I did got upset once before when i realised how this particular person hugged me soooo loosely as if hugging somone was a chore.... Hehehe I'm so childish i'm so sorry~~~ :B

Ok goodnight goodnight i need to freaking pack my bag!!!!! Its almost 2 in the morning!!!!

Monday

It's almost 1am right now and I've just redone one of the essays I did yesterday. I read through it and thought it was shit so i rewrote everything. I don't know if we're supposed to hand in journals tomorrow cuz if we do, I'd be so dead. Ah fuck it. I'm so tired and cranky right now i don't even know why even decided to blog.

Reached school just on time. Afiq gave me and Andrea a shock of our lives while we were walking to school this morning! We totally didn't know he was behind us! Harris talked about theatre ettiquette and stuff... Blablabla and we went off to our next class; Ballet.

I put in so much effort in Ballet today. I totally didn't feel bored at all. I did stressed out a little because i suddenly got the enchainement wrongly. But all's well! I felt good after class! Had lunch and found out that the fiqs didn't had lunch break because they were doing work for PP. Bought them lunch. It was meant to be a surprise but we didn't know how to surprise them. When we reached school, they were still in the basement and we were afraid they would go and get their own food so Andrea just told them we bought food for them. LOL.

It was a slacky boring afternoon. Don't even remember what we did to kill time. Omg so boring. Had dinner at 6 and a full run at 8 i think. Some conflict happened before the full run and Shafiq really looked like a baby omg T_T He was biting on this stupid straw and he didn't wanna throw it away no matter how hard i try to take it out of his mouth. Reminded me of a baby who cries immediately once you take the pacifier out of his/her mouth. HAHA!!! & he was freaking pouting... He's like so cute but i can't say he's cute because he's so damn bloody sad on the inside.

What do you do when someone's upset? Hmmmmm i'm forever thinking about this question because i'm forever clueless on what i should do to make someone feel better. Oh well >< I think i'd probably make someone feel even worse cuz i'll go like "Don't cry" or "Don't be sad". OBVIOUSLY THE PERSON WILL CRY EVEN MORE OR BE EVEN MORE SAD. LOL I know that and i still do it. Smack myself now. But yeah someone needs to teach me.... :( If i was upset, i'd be happy enough if someone who geniunely cares for me is right beside me. He/she doesn't need to say anything. But that's just me. I don't know about others. Blah humans are just weird creatures.

PP ended at 10pm.... Suddenly so many thoughts came into my head. I was so mad confused and messy inside my head. I really hate multitasking. Don't understand how anyone can multitask really.

Went home, bathed, done with my essay, now i'm thinking about my costume for tomorrow's Asian dance assessment. Haven't even packed my bag.. The performance kids got no class in the morning at all... How lucky... & we dancers have ALL of our Tuesday lessons, which I hate the most, just so you know. Boohoo it's 1.15.... Zombie mood activated... Goodnight

Lots of love

Yay! I'm done with my asian dance essay in less than 2hours!!! Thought i'd take forever but I'm done! Finally one thing less to think of in my mind. Still got another horrible 1000 word essay, rhythm ensemble research and a 2minute choreography assessment to think of.... >< Of course there's ballet assessment to worry about too but that.... I just gotta keep practicing and practicing.

PP was so boring and sleepy today. I practically just slacked at the frass/D201 doing nothing because i was not in the item that was rehearsed today. I was soooo hungry that I just had no energy to move around or talk. Didn't eat anything until 5pm except for tauhuey before i left for school.

I can't believe PP is finally gonna be over after this week. I will totally miss the times spent with the people from other courses in my faculty. It also means 1 less class with Afiq and Shafiq, which makes me even sad-der thinking about it :( But then again~ We're gonna have so many collabs next year so I should be happy about it~~~!!! Honestly speaking, PP kinda is better with the music but still not as good as what i expected. Harris cancelled tomorrow's Yoga lesson!!! So we can sleep in a little more than any weekday~~ I'm so happy!!!

Ok moving on. So we went to Popeyes for dinner. Initial plan was to go home after dinner but Shafiq was looking so sad because he didn't wanna go home so early and he was thinking so hard about what he should do to kill time.. I felt so bad and sad.. Lucky Andrea agreed that we can all go back to school together with them. So we did. Went back to the frass. Slacked and talked nonsense. I can't believe Andrea called me a HAWK!!!! HAHAHA made me laugh so much.

Sometimes I can't believe their opinions/comments on us because they are just so close to us, there is definitely biasness in their opinions. It's like how our parents are forever praising their children just because we're their children and we know it no matter how much they say it's not because of that. I also feel like sometimes they just say it for the sake of entertaining us. (omg i just read through the post i posted yesterday and realised i mentioned about this too)

Reached home at 10 and started my essay at about 10.30~ I'm about to head to bed~

So i've heard 2 sides of the story. I kinda have nothing to say actually. I don't really know how to put it in good words and I'm afraid I will say something wrong and probably hurt either one of them. So i think i should just keep quiet. Plus i really want both of them to be happy. I really wish i can do something to make them happy. It hurts to know they are upset. Who am I to say anything anyway right??? Whatever it is, I think they are brave to be able to tell us their problems. I know if it's me, i'll definitely not know how to open my mouth and just suffer alone, like i always do.

I feel bad right now for all the times I'm mad about ketupat silently. I feel like I'm adding unneccesary burden to him for no reason. I can see and feel that he's trying so hard recently to equal his love among the 3 of us and I'm kinda stressed up everytime he gets stressed when he sees Andrea stomp away.. I shall stop it. I shall not feel out of place or what not anymore even if I feel that way. I can do it i can do it. It's just normal that someone is bound to be closer to someone in a group. I'm just abnormal for feeling all these nonsense. Maybe i'm not a big cause of his sadness but at least if there is one more happier person, the whole group will be a tad happier than before, right? I THINK SO.... I DON'T EVEN KNOW LA IT'S 12 PLUS IN THE MORNING I'M TIRED AND I'M STILL THINKING T_T I really can't guarantee anything but i will seriously try. I've done it before and i know i can do it again~ He doesn't read my blog but haha i love you Shafiq~

In life we always have to learn to forgive and forget~ Goodnight everybody!!!

The gift of giving

Went to school at 11am today. One of the rare days where i get chauffeured to school~ Felt so shiok~ Haha. It was a slacky day until we started a full run of our performance. It was the first time ever that we did a full run. Sigh so tiring. Running around then whole school and doing performances where i look like i'm a calefare. Annoying or annoying!? Harris came down to watch our full run and he's just forever abstract. After watching blood diamonds, he told me and Lavanya that we didn't blend in with the rest and need to stop being selfish. I don't understand wtf he was talking about but I thought it was insulting because I really can't understand what he wants. I tried hiding my emotions but apparently i failed. I only wanted to let Ruishan know what i was feeling at the moment. But Afiq Tinza and Melvin kinda felt my sadness and i don't know what i should tell them. Maybe i really sucked. Oh well

 

After PP, went bugis to shop for white shorts for the fiqs and Andrea. The fiqs being drama mama everytime we do something nice to them... Haiyo~ What are friends for???? Bought dinner and went back to D201 and slack. Practiced Bajidor Kahot and felt so sucky because 1. I can't remember the steps well. 2. Andrea and Jingwen danced so well i look so stupid beside them. 3. Afiq and Shafiq were looking at us... Shafiq kept telling us to do full out and be in sync and what not. Made me felt so stressed because he made me feel like he's expecting alot from us and i was afraid to disappoint him. Like i'm always the 'black hole' of a dance... When they were giving comments to us, i know which comments were true and which comments were made just to not make me feel sad or depressed. But honestly it doesn't make a difference because i kinda know where i stand. Afiq: You can dance this so just put this amount of energy in bloody diamonds!!

 

After that, they started doing ballet and i fell asleep. Until so many other people came in and made so much noise, i woke up. It was Zavier and co. They were all having alot of fun and i started to join in too and Gangnam style started playing all of a sudden and we all started galloping. LOLOL (4 'ands' in a sentence, are you outta breath???~) Other awesome music started to play and we started to jump around like idiots to the beat of the songs. Oh man awesome night until i felt my nerve at my leg area hurt again, i stopped.

 

When we left the studio, Jingwen suddenly suggested we go in and crash their music and start dancing to our "Where have you been" choreo. So we did. Omg halfway through the dance, this Melvin suddenly asked me "EH if you can dance this, then why you can't dance in blood diamonds?!" I'm like "WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO REPLY????" in my head. Then i messed up the other half of the dance because of him. -_- Stupid blood diamonds. Stupid.

 

Went home and now it's almost 2am. Omg can time just slow down seriously... Thank god school starts at 12 tomorrow~ Can get to sleep in even longer woohoo~

 

I've realised the joy of giving. I'm more than happy to give even if it means getting nothing in return. I feel happy when i see them happy. Never felt such happiness in giving ever, in my life. This is the first~ I love my butterfly babies!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Fly

Hello~~ Another week has gone by. Time just flies like faster than a jet plane man. I'm not even kidding. I used to be able to blog every alternate day. But now everytime i reach home i feel so dead like a log.

This week i only had 2 days of ballet. Wednesday's ballet lesson was replaced by a nutrition talk. It was interesting. Contemporary class was replaced by IADMS Conference briefing. We were supposed to go there to usher the people around here and there... It's supposed to be volunteer work but apparently our teacher just volunteer us. She said by volunteering, we get to hear the talks for free. Oh my god i couldn't even understand anything they said at the talk. It was just so boring. Rushed down to Esplanade to catch Evening of Ballet; Aspects of Love after PP. Majority of the pieces were beautiful!!! Totally loved it cuz it's just so amazing. It was so long though... It started at 8 and ended at 10 or something and we had to rush back to school to keep the studio doors open because after 10.30pm, we can't tap into the studios anymore. Some of us stayed over that night because we need to report to Clarke Quay at 7am. So in order for us to get enough sleep, we decided to just "camp" in school.

Gave the fiqs a call to check if they were still in school. If they were, they could help us leave the studio's door open first. We obviously wouldn't be able to rush back in time. But Shafiq wasn't picking up his phone and it was stressing the hell out of all of us so we all cabbed back to school. Then when he picked up, he told us that he and Afiq were also staying over. OMG HAPPINESS!!!!! At first he said he wouldn't be able to cuz his mother wouldn't allow. But i don't know what happened, his father allowed him to and even brought him clothes for the next day. How sweet right? Hahahaha.

Went to H102 to have a bath first then went to find them at F303. All the dancers were at D201 while we were at F303. It was already 11pm and they were like girls, making a fuss about us lending them our towels and stuff and i don't get it so I just told them to shut up and get to the toilet. Instead of sleeping, we ended up watching Mean Girls. Shafiq fell asleep first, followed by me then Andrea and lastly, Afiq. Ironic thing was, Afiq was the sleepiest before the show even start but he was the last one to sleep. Actually i didn't really fall asleep until he finished his show because the screen was right infront of me and it was connected to a speaker. So it was loud and Afiq also laughed here and there AND HE WAS BESIDE ME... So i couldn't really get into my lalaland. Ended up sleeping for only 3hours plus.... Freezing like mad as time passed. My hoodie from me and afiq's legs came all the way to my hands. Like it went into the arm hole. So cooold...

Woke up the next morning by Afiq's alarm. Omg everybody's soooooo stubborn!!! Usually even if i hear an alarm and i know there are people beside me, i'll just let them off it. LOL. Like when me and my family go overseas, my brother and i will share a room. Then there will always be morning call. I know Spencer is beside me and he will definitely pick up the call if I just don't wanna wake up to pick it up. SO!!! Afiq's alarm was ringing for damn long. I was freaking waiting for somebody to switch it off but no one did!!! Finally Shafiq woke up and off it. HAHA.. Went to freshen up and said goodbye to the 2 sleeping angels and went to find the other dancers.

My day started off not so sleepy honestly, even though i only slept for 3 hours. But after awhile, the ushering thing got so boring and there was nothing much to do so i fell asleep. Freaking Edem took a freaking unglam photo of me sleeping. Omg i really wanna use umbrella hit him man. Whole day was boring. Boohoo. Bought Mcdonalds back to school for dinner after PP and ate it at the frass. We had to stay back till 9pm to watch Wayang Kulit, which was performed by our seniors. It was unexpectedly funny!!!

Today's a public holiday but i had to go back to school for PP. Did sound and lighting check runs. It was honestly boring but most of the time i was with Andrea Jingwen Afiq and Shafiq so it was not that bad. No matter how boring my day is, with them it will definitely make things better.

PP ended an hour earlier but didn't leave school because Shafiq wanted to practice his acting assignment. Stayed till 7plus and rushed for dinner. Andrea didn't eat because she needed to rush to Clarke Quay. All of us rushed eating because the fiqs had a play to watch at Bugis+. Felt like primary school recess time. Ate within 20minutes and then i followed Andrea all the way back to little india.

Reached home really early~ Bathed and stoned infront of my computer for 1hour plus... After this i'm just going to bed. Too tired and there's still school on both my weekends. Sigh my life. If i'm rehearsing for some dance show or something, i think i wouldn't feel so . . . . PP is just . . . . no comments.

To top off my night, i just got a very disturbing email from Melissa. Always flaring up and throwing everything in our faces. Don't even know what she's trying to say in the email. Like the Dip2s creating trouble and we Dip1s are the ones getting scolded and shit like this. Omg kill me please. One moment ago she said something about us being too overly stressed and now she just said we're not working hard enough. Omg bitch please~ Goodnight.

Weekends invaded by School

MY WEEKENDS..... WERE BUSY. WITH SCHOOL. What's new...?

Got to sleep in a little bit on Saturday cuz we only needed to be at school at 2pm. I got pissed off in the morning with my parents. I asked nicely if my mom could fetch me to the train station. She said okay and i thought everything's settled. I was meeting Andrea at 12.15pm. Then my dad suddenly told me he's gonna buy lunch at 11.50 and asked me if i needed a ride. So i said yes and he told me to go. I was like whaaaaaat, it was still so early. He got a little annoyed and asked me to go myself. I was like what the helllll. So i went to ask my mother again if she could fetch me. THEN she told me dad took her car. Omg got so pissed off i just stomped out of the house. This father forever showing me attitude. How can i not get angry?!

Reached school just on time for a full rehearsal for the Red Cross Event. We ran through twice and i did badly for both. First one was because Harris told us to mark the steps! So i did! But after that he told me to have more balls?! OMG I got so shocked at his comment it took me like 3 seconds to get what he was trying to tell me. He even did that gesture and say "you know? balls?" DUDE I don't even have balls to begin with. Ok so yeah. Second performance.... I ACTUALLY FORGOTTEN MY STEPS. I was like WHAAAAT i've never forgotten the steps before... LOL ohwell~

Rushed to the toilet to bathe and prepare cuz we had to rush to 2 consecutive shows at the Esplanade. First was Enthralled, performance by Lasalle degree students. THEY WERE AWESOME!!!! I'm really so proud to be their seniors. So there were 4 choreographies. 1 of them was by Melissa and it was unexpectedly AMAZING. Like that piece was the one i enjoyed the most!!!! So unexpected... I expected it to be damn boring and soundscape-ish. Hahaha.

Second show was called Tobari. BLOODY BORING. The most boring show i've ever watched in my life. It's dance genre is called the Butoh Dance. It's amazing that their core muscles are so strong to do those moves at such a slow speed but it's just really boring. For the whole 1.5hours they were doing the same thing, at the same slow speed. It was about space and gravity and all those nonsense. I was spouting rubbish to Andrea while they were "dancing". Then i looked at the book, and got a shock. The rubbish i said was actually true? LOL!? Just go youtube Butoh Dance. If 5minutes is boring for you, imagine us. 90 FREAKING MINUTES. Almost died of boredom, literally.

We gave the wallet we bought for Afiq after the performance. LOL his reaction was so hysterical. He said we were so annoying like a million times and then he finally said we were so sweet. After awhile he said we were so mean (wth?!) omg. Didn't know how to respond to his response. Hahaha. Awww but we saw him use the wallet today hehe I love Afiq~~~

(Trying to stand up for Shafiq HAHAHA) Shafiq's not THAT short and I'm not THAT tall. I'm just wearing 5cm heels. Shouldn't have -_-

 

Woke up at 8am to pack all my stuff and rushed to school. We reached at exactly 10am and my sole came off!!! That's the reason why i hate to buy things from bugis street. It never lasts!!!!! Wasting my money every single time. Horrible. I was panicking because that was obviously the only shoe i had. I went around panicking like mad. Asked Cher to help me find super glue because she was already done with her makeup and stuff. I thought she didn't take me seriously or what so i rushed to 7/11 to get super glue. Before i even reached, i saw Louisa and co shouting from across the street saying that they've already bought me superglue. I COULDN'T BE MORE THANKFUL!!!! I SWEAR I WAS DAMN THANKFUL!!! Louisa even bought me a Boost choco bar. She said she bought it to cheer me up or something. OMG SO CUTE WHY SO CUTE. Prepared and left school at about 10.30 or something.

 

Reached Scape and it started pouring so badly. Went to the idk what place is that. It's beside the oschool studios. Slacked there till it was our turn. We performed and I honestly wasn't satisfied with myself. I made 2 mistakes on stage and felt really sad about it.. First i bumped into the fake wall at the back of the stage. I didn't know it was the end of the stage already and at that point of time, my move was going backwards... Second was during the choreography that i'm in, i lost balance.... THIS SUCKS THIS SUCKS. I guess i was the only one feeling this way since most of them said they did better. Ohwelllll... I still don't feel the professionalism in me. Still so flimsy and fat-ish. I cannot stand it. Fucking need to diet soon and need to stop being so flimsy. It was fun though hmmm. (Just watched a video of our dance that's why i'm feeling a little bit . . . The dance that i thought we'd screw up the most ended up the nicest)

 

Went back to school after that with Harris' bus because the bus we were supposed to board kinda left us when we got there. Put all those instruments back into the rhythm ensemble room and left for lunch. Went back to school after lunch cuz Afiq needed to study and we needed to kill time. We had to wait till 6pm to go to the Esplanade to catch Gigi's performance. Went to F307. That room is a FREAKING FREEZER. Isaac was like playing some hypnotizing music so i fell asleep. But i woke up again because it was tooooo damnnnnn cold. I was wearing my jacket but it was of no help at all!!! Afiq gave me his other shirt for me to cover my legs. I still didn't feel any warmer... So cold so so cold.

 

Went to Esplanade at 6.15 sharp and realised the performance was at 7.15. Omg slacked there for another hour. After the show, went home and bathed. SO SHIOK. Think i'm gonna have some time for myself first before heading to bed. Goodnight everybody.

 

AREN'T WE CUTE AREN'T WE CUTE???? HEHEHE

 

Unimportance

The last time i posted was like Sunday night... Sigh so many things to do yet so little time...

School's been the same. Harris complimented me and Andrea during mask work on Monday!!!! It was super unexpected and super shocking.. He never ever said anything good about our performance during class before. & that day, he just flooded us with compliments. I didn't know whether to feel shy or happy. LOL. Ankle took it's toll on me on Tuesday. That was a horrible day. I was so god damn tired. To the extent where i was sleeping on the frass while Jenkin was talking. I didnt go for all the physical classes on Wednesday. Used that time to sleep for 3 extra hours and visited a chinese doctor. Went back to school for PP. On Thursday, we practiced the hip hop routine with the full music. So Mycs actually extended the mandown choreo and cut 2 counts from the choreo I am in. You had no idea how redundant i felt at that time. I feel like she's trying to make mandown people stand out so much and just because she have to put the not-so-outstanding ones somewhere, she created another choreo for us. Omg the feeling sucks so much but there's nothing that i can do but to just perform my best of the best so I just did. Out of NOWHERE, she said she liked my performance on Friday, which is today. SHE REALLY GAVE ME A SHOCK. An even bigger shock than Harris. She said this, "I really like Shanette's.... Where is she?" So i raised my hand, i was actually expecting her to say something about my costume colour or something but she said it was my performance. Jaw dropped. I swear you have no idea how much demoralisation she have put me through and then you hear that from her. It's really unbelievable and a freaking precious compliment man no joke. The 2 teachers that I have never heard praised me before, actually did in a week. 1 in the beginning of the week and 1 at the end of the week. Awesome or awesome?

Sad thing was my leg was hurting alot from hip hop. Tried to kick the pain away but it kept lingering. It got 10 times worse when school ended. I think that's the reason why i started to get so moody throughout the night. I felt like i shouldn't keep saying how much my leg hurts because both Jingwen and Andrea kinda don't give a shit about it and so i can't do anything about it either so..... I just decided to just walk at the speed where my leg wouldn't hurt as much.

Ok so this was what happened. Jingwen and Andrea were walking so fast infront and this Shafiq was talking to Afiq on the second level and no one waited for him. So I, being the kind one, waited and slowed down for him. Guess what he did? He just left me behind and went to find Andrea, who was like at least 2metres away from me. He did turn back afew times, and insulted me like no one's business. As if i wanted to walk slow. If it weren't for my bloody pig leg, do you think I would walk as slow as a pig?! Omg so irritating. K fine Shafiq probably wouldn't know about it so it's ok. Let him insult for all i care. So after they bought their food, while walking back to school, i was kinda in my own world since all of them were like having conversations that I have no clue about. Shafiq suddenly scared/pushed me and MY FUCKING LEG IS FUCKING HURTING. Made me so mad. His intentions was probably good and that was to cheer me up. But i'm sorry it really didn't help at all. Worse part was after saying sorry and all that he just walked off and continued his conversations with them again. I'm really like semi invisible. I really wanna be someone else for a day and see if Shanette is really semi invisible. Everyone treats me the same. Since i was born till now. I really don't understand why. Got mad again and just walked off to the sandwich machine and buy my dinner from there. Don't say that i'm petty or whatever. I'm not. There's a reason why i got angry. I felt like I'm not that much of an importance to him at all. Irks me so much. His sincerity level is not even 50%. When he's upset or whatever, all 3 of us are cracking our fucking heads to think of how to cheer him up. But when either me or Jingwen's upset, it's like nothing to him. It just makes me think why i'm trying so hard. For fuck!!!?!?!! I hate it when i treat someone important but they just see me as someone not THAT imporant. For someone who doesn't know how to appreciate. I don't see the point at all. Insensitivity of a guy is just probably one of the reasons why i think i'll stay single forever. Just saying.

While walking back home, thought of all those people whom i've tried to make them happy when they were sad but no one stood by me when i was sad. I wanted to text somebody, wanted to tell someone about shitz going on inside of me. I COULDN'T THINK OF ANY. The first person that came into mind, kinda gave me signs that she's irritated that i'm always spamming her with my problematic problems so i didn't text her. I thought of my mother too but what the hell she will just send me some stupid replies which would totally be uncalled for. Totally on the verge of crying but obviously didn't. I don't get it. I really don't. I'm always listening to people's problems, always having no say in anything. Who's here for me? Those who CLAIMED that they would listen to my problems, somehow just got tired and stopped replying/giving a shit about me after awhile. If you don't know, I can sense sincerity very well. I hate it when people pity me, hate it when people do something for me just because someone else told them to. If you wanna do something, DO IT ON YOUR OWN ACCORD.

Just fuck my life. I'm just feeling very unimportant. But oh well. I will probably get over it since i've been unimportant for the past 17 years of my fucking life. Life goes on anyway. I'll just continue being the Shanette ninja i've always been.

Weekends

OK OK IT'S FREAKING 1AM!!!! Why am I blogging now.... Don't even know why. I'm supposed to meet Andrea at 7 in the morning tomorrow holy cow. I was about to start blogging like 10minutes ago cuz i was in the midst of saving all the photos. Then Afiq added me into the PP whatsapp group and then said "Shanette has news guys" WHAT THE HECK. WHAT NEWS. I was just like -jaw dropped- In case you forgot, or if i didnt said it, I was made the representative of my group because Millie suggested to pick someone who hasnt been a leader before. Stressing like a fat cow now I don't even know what's going on in my head. Too messy. For now, i shall throw everything aside first and finish this post.

On Saturday, i met up with my clique VII. We went to Liqian's house to bake!!!! It was very fun except for the part where Afiq's cookies got burnt TWICE. Charlotte's BF was just laughing at me (HOW DARE HE). I made for all 4 of them. Afiq took up most of the dough since i gotta redo his twice... I wanted to make everybody's name... But turns out there wasn't enough flour. So to compensate Andrea and Jingwen, i made their first initial bigger than everyone else's and gave them more heartshaped cookies.. Even so, I had a feeling they would think that I'd be biased (TURNS OUT TO BE TRUE OMG). It was not easy to make the letters at all...... First the chocolate chips were being in the way.... Then some of the letters like Q and F were too fat so i had to remake. Took me like 4 freaking hours to get it done. Overestimated myself... Long time since i baked cookies pewpewpew.

Had some catch up talk here and there and it really reminded me of the past where we always went to the dorm to just slack like there's no tomorrow. Felt so good and free. Had dinner at about 9pm and then went home. I just kept worrying about the cookies. I was afraid it'd turn bad overnight or too hard to be edible. Omg i'm such a paranoid kid.

 

Welcome to the world of unglamness.

Went back to school today to practice for hip hop. Lol we practically practiced for less than an hour and slacked for the next 6hours or something. Priscilla came at 5.30pm and I found it weird cuz yeah JUST WEIRD TO COME AT SUCH A LATE HOUR. & I was right. I knew she came for another reason and not dance. So we all talked for quite awhile and got a little emotional here and there. There were some things that she said that really gave me a WHAT THE FUCK face. I..... really can't believe there's actually so much more drama in my college life than high school. I really thought such childish thoughts and stuff only happens in high school. Sigh what kind of life. Don't understand people. You can choose to ignore everything and live a peaceful life. Why bother to put in so much emotions into something that doesn't even concern you in the first place and give yourself so much hard time!?!?!? OMG i really don't get it. This is one thing i love about my clique VII. We're just.... drama-free (MOST OF THE TIME). I miss those days so much VII... Call me cold hearted la. But to me, I only bother about the important people in my life. The rest...... just not my business. That's why sometimes i prefer to keeps things inside me. No one knows anything about me, no one is able to tell what i'm feeling, no one will be able to say anything about me.

Gave the cookies i baked to the 4 people. Like i said earlier, both Jingwen and Andrea were like saying what both Afiq and Shafiq had all their letters to their name and they only had their first initials.... If I didn't had to redo Afiq's one twice, I would have enough to make "I LOVE JINGWEN" AND "I LOVE ANDREA" ok... Was super worried about the taste... But Andrea and Jingwen kinda liked it so i assumed it was still good-tasting.. Shafiq's reaction was the most disappointing. He gave me the reaction like "yes it's only normal you should bake for me" Omg. The reason why i decided to bake was actually because both of them have been so upset and stressed the entire week and I felt like I haven't been doing anything helpful at all to help since I'm always so quiet and ninja-ish. I'm quiet to the extent that sometimes they wouldn't even notice that I'm there. Then he gave me such reaction when i gave him the cookies. He's forever like that. Whenever he's sad and i try to cheer him up, he just pushes me away (not literally la) or gives me cold replies. Really irks me. Really makes me feel like i should stop trying already. Don't wanna give a damn. I wish i could tell him how lucky he is I am even bothering. Seriously. But then again, i choose to do it. So i can't blame him for not being appreciative enough.

Had dinner at Just Acia with them at 9pm. Omg having dinner at 9pm 2 days in a row.... Unhealthy to the max sigh. I'm such an unhealthy kid. I still can't get over the fact that we're 5 people. I really wished we were 6. I really can't stand odd numbers. It just always reminds me of my clique and the first few months with them where I AM THE ODD ONE OUT. They would all partner each other and since i was close to none, I was alone. Oh my god why why why am i so fated with odd numbered groups...

Never the less, I still love them muax

Hahahaha eyeless Afiq~~

Weird Afiq is weird. Look at what kind of angle is this.... LOL

One and only picture of 5 of us in my phone, which is blurred... :(

THIS AFIQ..... LOL

So i spent my parentless weekend out with 2 groups of people that i love the most in my life. Yay happy.

Now it's time to stress. So i have an upcoming test on Anatomy this Tuesday. Then I have my performance this Sunday, which means Saturday I'll be coming back for practice. Then the next week, while you guys have your hari raya haji holidays, I'll be back in school from Thursday - Sunday for stupid performance project. THEN the next following week, my school ends at earliest 10pm and latest 11.30pm.... Insane or insane? I see people complaining about their new timetable on how "late" their school ends. Dudes and dudettes, 6pm is not late. Even when i was in secondary school, i end school at freaking 7pm. What are y'all complaining about exactly?!?!?! Holy cows.

Then after October, November comes. My assessments/exams/tests are all squashed at that period. I'M JUST STRESSED OUT. LIKE REALLY.

Give your heart a break

"The hard painful truth that no one will tell you is this.. no one truly, completely cares about us as individuals. Most of the people who already know us.. they don’t really care what we think or feel, and they may not even be interested to know how we’re doing. Occasionally, when things aren't going too well, some may ask, “what’s wrong”.. but it’s not necessarily care or concern. It’s simply curiosity. But we can’t blame them. We too, are like that to those around us. We too, are usually only concerned with what people think about us, feel about us or whatever “about us” they feed us with. In the same way, people are only really interested in what you “feed” others or feel about them.. for everything else about you, they may not really care or want to bother at all. Because everyone has their own problems to deal with. But.. even though we’re never going to meet someone who cares about us 100% or forever, there are going to be the ones who will care just enough to genuinely give us their time and a portion of their heart. They can’t completely care about us or always be there for us.. but they will be real to you, help you, inspire you, change you.. and it’s that bit of love that will sometimes be just enough to keep us going."

I saw this on my facebook newsfeed just now. I thought it was meaningful IN A WAY so i decided to share it.

Then i saw this on MSN homepage. It's a point from this article called "10 singleness habits that couples don’t understand" HAHA. I'm pretty guilty of this one. BUT WAIT LET ME GET THE FACTS RIGHT. I'm a happy single lady~ I don't complain that i'm single! I kinda copied this whole thing down here because i thought that the last line was really true. LOL

3. Complaining about being single instead of going out to find someone

Chances are, if you’re in your mid-twenties, you have a friend who’s desperate for love but has no initiative. This is the guy who keeps getting friend-zoned by females because he performs boyfriend duties – such as watching movies with the girl or SMS-ing her all night – without making his intentions known. This is the girl who constantly talks about how much she wants a boyfriend, but who hasn’t met any new guys in two years. Couples constantly ask these singletons why they don’t just do something if they want an S.O. that badly. More than likely, these people are single because they want love to happen the way it does in fairy tales: by chance.

So i woke up late this morning again. I didn't hear my alarm clock at all. (Or did i?!) Andrea called me at 8.30 and i was like, HUH LATE AGAIN. So yeah went to bathe and reached there 30minutes late. Pilates is forever a torture.. I can't emphasize more on how stressed i am for the performance on 21st Oct. We're so messy and so not a team. Some people are not even getting the moves right because i think they got the wrong muscle memory (happens to me too so i know). I really don't wanna throw Lasalle's face. Like we're going outdoors to perform in the name of LASALLE COLLEGE OF THE ARTS. I can't imagine what would people think of Lasalle students if we were to go out there and perform in such a state. Just kill me. It feels like SYF all over again. I remember those days where we all looked like shit and freaking SYF was in 2 weeks away. Stressed the shit outta me. Sigh..... Mycs just kinda did the whole dance's formation today. Horrible really. It's super messy. Especially the first dance omg I just wanna kill myself when i dance it.

Improv was fun again. We did improv with music. I could move better with the different genres of music Miss Melissa played. Totally had fun~ Then she spent 30minutes polishing alittle bit of our hiphop choreo. I was concentrating on what she was telling us and this Edem was beside me, asking me why am i having such a stressed face and why am i not smiling. DA FUCK A FUCKING TEACHER IS TALKING AND I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE. If he doesn't wanna be serious, it's his problem. I really don't wanna be dragged down by him. So irritating. I mean he should know when he can say such things and when he should just really stop talking.

Went to bathe after that. Don't know what is wrong with the people walking in the toilet. My bag kept dropping and it was pissing me off to the max because the floor was so dirty. Who said you could bring your god damn shoes into the toilet?! Omg. I was being such a chilli padi for that whole time. Someone stole my leave on hair conditioner. I SERIOUSLY THINK SOMEONE IS SO POOR SHE DOESNT HAVE A SHAMPOO OR CONDITIONER. Previously someone took away both my hair mask and shampoo. But it was back there the next day. -.- Then now my conditioner? Omg it was seriously just gone in a blink of an eye. Horrible person. If i ever find out who you are, I'M SURE I'M GONNA SUE YOU!!!! (Lol joke) Andrea and Jingwen were in the boys toilet so i went there to find them. Edem was behind the door but i didnt know so i just opened the door. He had to cuss at me. Wtf. My fist ah....... Clenching already i tell you. I swear if he had provoke me another time, I'd give him no mercy man.

PP was bullshit so i shall not talk about it. Went to buy food and sat outside D201 with Jingwen Andrea and Shafiq. We were all listening to Shafiq's life stories. He made me teared because at some point he was being so sweet. :'( Even though he didn't really like say it individually, i still felt his sincerity and it touched my heart. Stayed there till 10pm. Went home alone because Andrea's dad came to pick her up, and Shafiq took a lift from Rebecca.

Ok i'm finally gonna see VII tomorrow. I'm so worn out. Can't believe i'm gonna wake up early tomorrow. Oh well i'm determined so i'll get it done and over with. Hehehe goodnight

Burst

I really don't understand why is everything all about the outer looks and stuff. I'm feeling so ugly and fat and sleepy for the entire week. I ate so much, like really 2 times more than i usually eat. Jingwen eats more than Yvonne. Like it's really driving me insane. I call her the food monster. Its so scary how she can eat so much and still isnt fat. She really reminds me so much of Yvonne. The old me who doesnt snack and only eats 1 meal per day has now become someone who eats chocolate and drink milk everyday and 2 full meals per day. It's insane. I'm supposed to be slimming down not putting on weight. Fuck. Everyday living in pain and agony cuz of my bloated stomach that doesnt deflate. Sometimes the damn toilet got no toilet paper so i have to hold in my shit, fuck. Torturing like shit. From next week onwards, i'm not gonna buy milk, not gonna buy chocolate anymore. NO.

So..... as i was saying. About how everything is all about the looks. I kinda overheard this conversation between Andrea Jingwen and Edem. Both Andrea and Jingwen were like asking Edem who he thought was pretty. She kinda named most of my classmates and obviously she asked about me. Obviously I knew Edem was gonna say something that's not nice (that's why i say he reminds me so much of Jonas. I can even know what kind of answer to expect.) but my heart still decided to take it to heart. So insensitive. Insensitive people should just go to hell. Like i don't care if he's joking. I mean if he didnt mean it then why did he bother saying it? Why did that thought even came into mind? Lol fine i admit la, duh i'm not pretty and DUH i'm not slim. That doesn't mean whatever he say won't hurt my feelings. My heart's not made of stone even though i wished it was. He made me thought of why i'm so fat, why don't i have a flawless face, why don't i have bigger eyes and all of the other countless flaws that i have. Sigh then Andrea and Jingwen started to say Zavier and I looked alike. Fyi, Zavier is this guy that looks like my fishball brother. Lol they even have the same birthday what a coincidence right. Don't even know what Andrea and Jingwen was trying to imply but I myself just assume that we looked similar in sizes and eyes and that made me mad. Everytime Edem "bullies" me, Andrea and Jingwen thinks it's so funny. Oh really? Seriously? Put yourselves in my shoes. See how you'll feel. Once or twice, fine. But everyday? If he has nothing nice to say, can't he just keep quiet and shut up?! 

Don't know what has gotten into Miss Susan on Wednesday. She scared the shit outta me. I think i have a very hateful face. I try so hard not to be stress and try to smile and try to look pleasant in her class. But all she did was gave me scary stares and her voice changed when she was correcting me. I don't get it. I am sure not EVERYONE turned their feet out properly. I'm sure not EVERYONE held their legs there for 3 seconds. I'm sure not EVERYONE landed on the ground without a sound. Ok fine she corrected me, i tried to get it right. I TRIED SO HARD. I TRIED SO HARD I FELT LIKE MY HAMSTRINGS WERE JUST GONNA SNAP. AND SHE TOLD ME I DIDNT TRY HARD ENOUGH AND I HAD TO TRY HARDER. SERIOUSLY?!!?!?!?! SHE DROVE ME NUTS. Just because i'm a beat slower in count, she had to push me to one of the lousiest students in class. She didn't say it, but indirectly, that was what she meant. I don't get it. Everytime she say how the whole class is improving, she will definitely indirectly say that some of us needs to work even harder. AND OBVIOUSLY IT'S ME. I DID NOT assume anything. Her eye contact gave her away. That's how I know. Fuck. So mad. When the class ended, Andrea told me to work harder too. Oh how great. Even a student can tell i'm not working hard. Oh very great. Maybe i should just work my ass off then my hamstrings tear and my ankle joints break apart and i can't even dance anymore. I really feel like I don't recieve enough credit for the effort i put. Nobody notices anything good. All they see is the bad. & all everyone tells me, is to look on the bright side. OH BABY HOW CONTRADICTING. -_- God.

Speaking of my ankles. WHAT IS BLOODY WRONG WITH IT. It's driving me insane. I've been trying to not talk about it for the past 4 freaking weeks because i thought it was nothing. Since to me it's bearable pain, i just ignored it. I thought during project week, it'll recover cuz there wasn't dance the entire week. Not only it didn't heal, it kinda got worse after that. Still didn't bother because i thought maybe because that one week i didn't dance, my body kinda slacked off. Then this week, it started aching the most. It was hurting so badly. I don't even know what kind of a pain is this. Andrea lent me her ankle guard and it kinda helped a little. But the next day, the other ankle hurt like shit. So pain that I can't really point properly. When i do relevés or jumps, I can't land properly. I was afraid my ankle would be too dependent on the ankle guard so i didn't wear it today. It's not mine anyway so i gotta wash it and return to Andrea. It hurts. Really it does. Half my calves are bruised too. It hurts when i press it. Don't even know why.

Went to school late today.. Everyday i've been sleeping at 2 or later. I'm so sleep deprived. The make up is giving me pimples (as usual) and I'm going fucking crazy over it. Not enough sleep, that's just making my face condition even worse. ARGHHHHHHHH HATE IT WHEN THERE'S HUGE PIMPLES THAT HURT. Sigh stupid i think i need to see the doctor already.

PP sucks. I can't believe I've been wasting 3hours plus everyday just for stupid PP. So apparently i'm in all 4 items but all the parts I have are like calefares. I'M NOT EVEN NEEDED. It's so irritating. So i was put into this stupid Credit Card dance which is damn seductive and ewwww-ish. I rather do it cuz at least i'm doing something that it's kinda my thing(SINCE IT'S DANCE, NOT CUZ IT'S SEDUCTIVE) and it doesnt make me feel like a calefare. But after awhile, he removed me from it and gave me another fucking calefare role. FUCK. So irritated. If i were to go absent on the days of the performance, really no one would even notice. -_- It just makes me mad. MADDDDDD. BOILING MAD. I don't even care anymore. Jenkin is just one motherfucking abstract director that i can never ever understand. Whatever.

Then there's this other group of people that makes me mad. There's a difference between humble good dancers and good dancers who fucking shows off. WHAT DO YOU GET FOR SHOWING OFF!? No i don't go like "WOW SHE'S SO DAMN GOOD OMG I WISH I WAS HER" It's more like "FUCK SUCH A FUCKING BITCH. WHAT IS SHE TRYING TO DO? SEDUCE GUYS? OMG PLEASE. NOTHING TO SEDUCE." I don't care if you're good or not!!!! Once you start showing off, YOU JUST IMMEDIATELY SUCK. I also don't get what's with the skinship with guys. Are some people THAT desperate for guys' touch?! Please gurl don't make yourself so cheap. Have some price in you. Thanks.

Omg i'm so angry. ARGH have been wanting to write about such things for a really long time but everytime i blog, i didn't have the correct mood. Now that i have, it's all coming out. So bare with me, whoever who's reading this truckload of angst. I'm already trying to control. I never get angry at anyone who suddenly throws temper out of nowhere. I just swallow everything in and forget it. K fine that's a lie, girls don't forget stuff. I just move on. I know everyone have their own angry moments. Even i do, so yeah. Tip to get out of the angriness: Don't care. If you don't care, nothing matters. So yes. Erm when i say don't care, obviously the importance of the person has to be taken into consideration too.

Ok it's 2.15am. I've yet to pack my bag. It's another night of little sleep. What a life. Goodnight.

Grateful

Sunday was a food monster day. Had lunch at this place called 八度空间. It's a taiwanese Bistro. The food there's kinda awesome. The only thing that's not so awesome is that they had 2 extra large posters of Jay Chou in the middle of nowhere. Not a Jay Chou fan so it was kinda disturbing.... Went home, continued watching To The Beautiful You. IT TOOK ME SO LONG JUST TO FINISH ONE EPISODE. You know why?! CUZ.... I was stressing over what to wear for Danny's wedding dinner. So i watch 10minutes, pause 10minutes, watch 10minutes, pause 10minutes LOL!!! Cut cake for Spencer's early birthday cuz mummy won't be around for the next 2 weeks.

 

After finishing that one episode, went to prepare for tonight's dinner. I kinda know my face is gonna explode for the next few days if i put on make up but i still did. Sigh sucks to be me. People put make up like everyday and their face is still smooth. The only thing that is bad is that they look 10 times older when they suddenly don't wear make up. Sigh for one day that i wanna be pretty, i have to be ugly for like at least 5 days. SAD OR SAD?!?!?! Hate makeup.

 

Yes for the first time in a very long time, I chose to wear a long dress. It gives me a very mermaid feel... HAHA.

 

Went to send mother off at the airport first before heading for the dinner.

 

Reached the hotel at about 7plus. When i saw Danny, i was like OMG HE STUFFED INSOLES IN HIS SHOES. God his actual height is like MY HEIGHT OK!!! Or maybe 2-3cm taller, WHICH DOESNT MAKE A REALLY BIG DIFFERENCE. Definitely not taller than my dad. Look at the photo below. HE'S LIKE HALF A HEAD TALLER THAN ME. & he must have stuffed paddings inside his clothings or something!!! HE FELT SO BUFF. What did he doooooo LOL. I think his wife must have complained how small sized he is... HAHA

 

Left the place at about 10plus and talked to Andrea all the way back home. My whole face and body felt so disgusting but i still hung on the phone with andrea for about 30-40minutes LOL.

 

Survived half of the Monday with Andreaaaaaa. Yoga was funny. The speakers were not working so the performance students kinda SANG the tune of the song out while we all did the work out.

 

SMILE! GOOD! PEACE!

 

Woah lunchtime was crazy. Debated with Jingwen the food monster on whether we should eat bread or chicken rice for lunch. Of course we ate bread~ Muahahaha. Andrea joined us for PP!!~ Slept for like 10minutes before PP started. Sigh so tired~ PP WAS BLOODY BORING OMG <- You will definitely see this in my next few posts too seriously. Pris and I were just lazy bumz. We went to walk one big round outside D201 and then she accompanied me to Gongcha HAHAHA.

 

After school, bought dinner back and ate outside D201. We only stayed till like 9 and went home~ Weeeehehehehe I love Jingwen Andrea Afiq Shafiq i love love love y'all~

 

I woke up late this morning. I thought i'd be late for school but no~ I reached like 1minute earlier than Elizabeth MUAHAHA. Ate too full for lunch and was too bloated to move for asian dance. Felt super uncomfortable during the whole lesson. Omg lesson learnt. NEVER eat full meals before any dances. ACTUALLY I KNEW. Don't know what's up with me today. I think i thought I had time to digest a little...

 

For anatomy class, Dayal talked about emotions today. Depression related stuff. Everything he said were so true. He talked about this Support Network thing. The first thing that came into mind was what i thought Dayal would wanna hear, which is Family. To me, the support i get from friends are actually stronger than my family. I mean my family supports me emotionally and financially.... But they barely know what's happening in school, how i'm actually feeling and what not. Even if i tell my mom, she doesn't even seem bothered about it. While Dayal was talking about this, Jai kept appearing in my head. She's my support network <3 She gets news from me like on the spot. Sometimes she doesn't even know what i'm talking about because she's always just there for me that i forgot she's not in the same school as me. I love you Jai!!!!! 

 

Dreaded PP... Sigh. Slept for like 10minutes then i got awakened by Louisa. She kept asking if i was alright. LOL I was!!!! I was just really tired. When she went out, i fell asleep again. But when she came in she asked if i was alright again!!! LOL!!! After that i was super awake already so i didnt fall back to sleep. Halfway through, Jenkin suddenly asked some of us to go learn the Credit Card dance. Some of the moves felt so weird and uncomfortable.

 

Slacked at the frass after school because Harris wanted to see Afiq. So we all waited for him. It took so long... We waited till almost 9pm.., Shafiq was going crazy again and Jingwen was so hungry she fell asleep. Andrea suddenly had a headache and i was just simply tired. Suddenly saw this lady that looked like Miss Shining. I was hesitant to wave at first cuz I was doubting myself. Then as she came closer, I KNEW I WAS RIGHT!!! Yay it was her!!! Love to see her around~ Haha she asked if i was coping well and stuff. I told her i was but somehow i think she doubted my answer. "NEVERMIND I'LL ASK MISS SUSAN ABOUT IT~" -Walks off with evil smile- I thought she came to plan some show or do some teaching but she said she went there to do some mentoring. Then she suddenly mentioned about killing some guy if he haven't reached LOL. Had Mcdonalds for dinner. Laughed so much at our ridiculous chats~ Afiq likes Playful Kiss and SHINee!!!! Oh my god~ HAHA Oh how i love them~~~

 

Assessments are slowly murdering us!!!!!!!! Like seriously!!!!!! I NEED TO START GETTING REAL SERIOUS SERIOUS

Sleepy saturday

Hello lovelies. I slept my Saturday away. Caught up with some shows and then yeah, stressed over unneccesary stuff.

While i was watching To The Beautiful You, i had so much in my mind that i wanted to blog about. Then i decided i should just wait for the show to end then i'll blog. NOW. I've forgotten EVERYTHING. Like i seriously cannot even remember anything related. Gah..... I shall just go get a cup of chocolate milk to see if i can refresh my memory.

-K drank finished my cup of milk but still no signs of those thoughts coming back to me.-

So mummy is gonna go for a business overseas trip for 2weeks starting from tomorrow night. (Technically tonight since it's already Sunday) Aw the house's gonna be mummy-less for 2 weeks, how empty. I'm kinda scared of the days where daddy decides to get drunk and then he doesn't open the door for me late at night. Oh noooooooo.

THIS SUCKS I REALLY CANNOT REMEMBER WHAT I WANTED TO WRITE. END.

END OF THE WEEK YAY

Just read this article on MSN news LOL! I just happen to pass by it~ It's titled "10 things couples do that single people don't undertand." I can't really say i agree to all 10 of them but thing number 7 makes alot of sense.

"7. Fighting and breaking up a thousand times
Nothing makes a relationship less appealing than watching couples get together and fall apart every other week. A clean break, even if it occurs after an ugly breakup, is okay because you can see how the person moves on and finds new love afterward. But a cycle of fighting and making up just makes love look like more than what it’s worth. Doesn’t being with someone who makes you miserable just defeat the purpose of being in a relationship? The endless angst just seems like more trouble than it’s worth."

So true.

Ok moving on. I've been so tired lately. Using too much energy in school and PP just drains the hell outta me. I don't even know why. Maybe cuz it's just too damn boring it makes me wanna sleep.

Tuesday's ballet was horrible. I don't know what happened. It just sucked so badly. I totally couldn't catch up at all. Fuck i was so annoyed and pissed and stressed all at the same time. Danced to the same few st jazz routines that we knew and miss elizabeth said "stop practicing that. you're already good at it! practice ballet!" I went like . . . Had miss melissa time after that. We were supposed to go look at the art exhibits and then create a 1 eight improv choreo. We were divided into 2 groups. My group was the first to go and look at the exhibits. After that, my group had a chat with Miss melissa. Argh the rest of my day was boring to the max. Like SERIOUSLY.

Bought dinner back to school to eat. The whole night felt so weird. Both shafiq and afiq were talking about this energy passing thing and aura thing that Harris told his class about. It's really very hard to believe that Shafiq has this very strong visual thing going on in his head. Oh my god i don't even know how to say this. Really freaked me out the whole night. I was literally speechless. It's like i don't believe it, but i kinda have to cuz they kinda proved it to us, in a way? Oh so weird.

Ballet sucked on Wednesday too. Argh moodless. Then this Edem forever bullying me. He's just another Jonas. Really makes me mad. Everytime Edem talks to me, Jonas' face appears in my head. Erm well but if i have to compare Jonas and Edem, Edem is definitely a better person. LOL I like have this serious love-hate relationship with him. View points was fun. I love catching!!! Really makes me think of how much fun I had during recess when i was in primary school... Sigh those days... When i was boobless.... & could run around so fast and free. LOL had lunch after that. Then contemp. CONTEMP WAS STRESSING ME OUT TOO!!!!!! SIGH MY LIFE SUCKS. This Edem made me angry and he didn't even know. We were split into 2 groups to do the exercise that she taught us. The bloody studio was so big. He had to stand so near to where i was standing, which already had very little space. I told him to move, he still stood there, as if he didn't hear me. The music already started and he still gave me that look. Wadafuck can he know when he should be serious?!?!?! I can't entertain his nonsense ok. Because of him i lost my focus and then i did my whole routine wrong. AND THAT WAS WHAT SPOILT MY WHOLE MOOD. & the rest of the routines we did, I DID EVERYTHING WRONGLY. Argh!!!!!

PP was bloody boring. HATE PP WHAT IS WITH PP. I don't get the whole idea of this shit. Really wasting my god damn time. Had dinner with my 2 gentlemen and 2 ladies. Went back to school cuz the coffeeshop was closing already. Went to G202, sat there and talked. Andrea's mommy fetched me and Afiq home~

Thursday's ballet...... haiya no comments. Hiphop was awesomely fun!!!! Mycs taught us a street jazz routine and i was so excited man, no joke! Hahaha! She split us into 2 groups. Both groups learnt different choreo. My group was the more girlish, sexy-ish genre of street jazz. The other group has abit more hiphop street jazz style in it. Super awesome but our beat is freaking fast. I hear the music my heart beats faster than normal. LOL

Slept throughout the whole art history lesson. First they took so long to set up the whole powerpoint nonsense. Then they talked so softly. THEN their voices were just like telling me "Ok shanette go to sleep now." So yes i went to sleep the moment they started talking. Had an hour's break after Art history so i practiced our new choreo. Could only get half of the choreography's timing correct. WELL better than nothing~ Shafiq didn't come school today. Poor boy's not feeling well. PP SUCKED, AS USUAL. Spent my time hanging out with the performance people. Was on hyper mood for the whole rehearsal though.. Don't even know why. I didn't had breakfast NOR lunch.. LOL. Was released 30minutes earlier than usual cuz we had to go watch Kathakali. Omg boring show. That made me moodless. The fiqs, Andrea and Jingwen already watched it on Wednesday. Lol all Jenkin's fault for not letting us go watch together on Wednesday.

Went back to D201 to find them after that and slacked awhile. Went for dinner with Jingwen, Andrea, Afiq and Edem at Mcdonalds. Talked alot and it was kind of an awesome night~ Went back home and fell asleep.

Some of our seniors crashed our classes. -_- Lol they said they had no class today so they decided to crash our class. Seriously if i were them i'd take that time to SLEEP. Damn man I hardly have enough time to sleep these days. Pilates was a killer today. NOW MY BACK, BUTT, THIGHS ARE ACHING LIKE SHIT. But i'm like immuned to these aches already. If it hurt in the past, i wouldn't do anything full out at all cuz it'll hurt. Now I know it hurts but I can dance full out even if that part is semi aching. Like my body doesn't tell me that it's supposed to stop me from dancing anymore. Hip hop was awesome again!!! I got the timing all figured out!!! So happy! Even more happy cuz Andrea told me group 2 actually noticed me! I never ever get noticed, trust me. I hardly ever get praised. I hardly ever get any encouragements too. -_- So yes it means alot to me.

Improv class was actually fun for the first time in my life. Rushed to go bathe after improv then rush back and started dancing again. THEN I SWEATED AGAIN. LOL i'm so smart to bathe and sweat again right? But i don't stink as much as compared to the me that didn't bathe~ So~ Hahaha.

PP spoilt my mood la. Stupid boring shit. I really really really don't know where this is going. To me, all our so called "items" will totally bore the audience out. In my opinion. Cuz i know if i was invited to watch what we've been doing, I'd totally just fall asleep. It's so abstract and requires alot of braincells to understand what the heck is our composition trying to tell you. Separated from the other 4 people again. Sigh life sucks.

Afiq suddenly disappeared after class with Jenkin, leaving Shafiq and us hanging. He was upset and angry and even more upset so we went to the frass to like wait for Afiq. We waited for 1 over hour but he still didn't text nor call us. Shafiq was literally going crazy. It was so scary... Andrea was like his right hander and Jingwen his left hander. I didn't know what to say or where I would fit in so i just didn't bother trying. I guess 2's enough to console him or whatever. Went to buy dinner then talked all the way till about 11pm.

I'm super duper tired. Can't even explain to you how tired i am. YAWNZ TOMORROW'S SATURDAY!!! I can sleep in till as late as i want. YAY HAPPY GIRL. GOODNIGHT