End of November

ALOHA!!! I'M SO HAPPY BABY!!!

1. Just finished watching MAMA 2012!!! So disappointed that 2ne1 won NOTHING at all but it's ok... EXO&SHINee's combined stage killed me. Big bang's troll stage too. Gangnam Style would've been better if i was watching with a bunch of friends.... Then we can all dance with him... HAHAHA.

2. In the midst of watching MAMA, Dayal posted this on Facebook.

"Dear all, 

An email was sent out about 20minutes ago to those who will need to resit for arts history. Please check you Lasalle email. If you haven't received the email then it means you passed."

SO..... I PASSED!!!! I recieved nothing!!! OH MY GOD HALLELUJAH~~~

 

3. I can freaking watching my 2NE1 babies' concert in peace and excitment tomorrow!!!!

 

4. IT'S OFFICIALLY HOLIDAYS FOR ME!!!! NO MORE WORRIES!!!!!!! COME ON BABY LET'S PARTAAAYEEEE!!!!

 

Woke up this morning with nothing to do!!! Bullshit i wanted to just sleep my life away. HAHA but nope... I woke up and went online to search for dramas to watch. I haven't watch ANYTHING ever since To the beautiful you... Even that i didn't finish. Because.... hmmm I don't even know why. LOL. So i found 2 and started watching till MAMA started.

 

MY LIFE!!!!! Horrible. HAHA ok just kidding let's talk about what i did yesterday after Art history exam.

 

So I was happy that school's finally OVER~~~ All 5 of us (YESSSSSS INCLUDING AFIQ THE FATTY) went to 15 minutes to eat. Jingwen didn't cuz she was feeling super full. BLOODY RARE I KNOW! & she left us after like 15minutes cuz she needed to meet her cousin... Boohoo... We kinda slacked there for awhile and then went off to Plaza Sing. Didn't tell Afiq and Shafiq that we were planning to treat them to the movies with the $50 Andrea and Jingwen found the other day. But I guess they kinda knew la... Bought Pitch Perfect tix and then there was still time before the show. Like ALOT of time. At first we were thinking of eating ice-cream, which I think we should've just ate. -_- Ended up going to some lan at some ulu area.

 

All 3 of them knew how to play L4D2....... EXCEPT ME. Sigh i suck at such games. I couldn't even figure out how to navigate comfortably. I keep getting stuck at some bush. Either that i can't stand up. WHAT THE HELL RIGHT I KNOW.... That just totally reminded me of the time when my dad brought us to Yishun Safra. I don't know why I could only play GAMES in that place so the word "Warcraft" looked the most familiar to me. Maplestory and what not haven't existed yet. So from that sentence, you can kinda tell I was pretty young eh. Yes Warcraft. I totally didn't know what i was doing. I was stuck at this mountain for god knows how long and no matter how many buttons i spam-press, I'm still stuck. LOL such a loser la. I'm really never good at this kind of games... I mean I'd probably be damn pro at it if i knew how to navigate properly... (HAHA) I really don't and that's my main problem. My eye hurt so bad after 1hour cuz i was focusing so hard on how to navigate. Headache man.  

 

Went back to Plaza sing after that for the movie. Yes it's my second time watching it. I still find it hilarious. "ALRIGHT BITCH YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT!" -Fat Amy HAHAHA hilarious!!! Went to slack at Starbucks after that cuz we couldn't decide on where to go or what to do. Afiq was overly worried about his Arts History result. No matter how hard all of us told him he wouldn't fail, he still assumed he would fail. After trying and trying and trying AND STILL FAILING, i got abit mad and tired of it. So i just BLEH gave up.

 

Went back to school cuz Shafiq's dad was there to pick him up. Andrea called her mom so me and Afiq got a ride home too! Yay so happy~ Made my night~ (I really dislike walking home..)

 

HOPEFULLY WE GET TO REUNITE ON THE 5TH/6TH!!! I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE MY BUTTERFLIES EVEN THOUGH I JUST SAW THEM YESTERDAY HAHA.

 

I'm always excited!!! Something's wrong with me hehe. Gonna see my long-time-no-see Geraldine. So excited excited excited!!!! <3 Ending off my November feel as awesome as ever!!!!~ Happy 1st December cheekies!

 

OH WAIT WAIT! I saw this mention; #5ThingsOnMyChristmasList trending on twitter and I'm supposed to post on twitter but since I'm blogging now, might as well write it here right!?

 1. NEW WALLET
2. NEW CLOTHES
3. NEW PHONE MAYBE? LOL OR NEW HANDPHONE COVER AT LEAST.
4. NEW BAG
5. NEW SHOES!!!!

You know what i'm probably gonna get all of those myself HAHAHA.

EXCITED!

Charlotte got me hooked onto My Forged Wedding again!!! Damn! I just re-read the whole main story of Yamato's and then continued on with his Spinoff and Epilogue!!! Shit i just love him. He's the kind of love story I would wish to experience. Very haughty very egoistic but sweet at the same time... In other people's eyes, he's like this handsome young haughty chad every girl would love but you know he only loves you. He teases all your flaws but that's what he love most about you. HAHAHA SHIT SO NICE. (i can never be such a girl :( ) I just freaking searched online and saw that his Sequel IS JUST....... SO OMG. I can seriously link him to Playful Kiss's Baek Seung Jo. Ah heartshaped eyes~~~

Then I continued on with Ren's story. HOLY MAMA HIS CHARACTER REMINDED ME OF BOF'S YOON JIHOO!!!! SECOND KIND OF LOVE STORY THAT WILL MAKE ME INSANE. SIGH!!!! T_T If i ever meet such people who give me such romantic fantasies in my life, I'll die with a smile on my face. LITERALLY. Hahaha

Yamato resembles Seungjo, Ren resembles Jihoo.... & it all comes down to..... KIM HYUN JOONG!!!! HAHAHAH MUACKS LET ME GIVE YOU 10000 KISSES HEHEHE

YAY TOMORROW'S THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!!! I really think I'll fail Arts history. Lol there's too much to study... Sigh T_T I just wanna get a pass. P A S S !!!!!

Every week of my Dec is exciting!!! First it'll be 2NE1's concert, followed by SHINee's concert, then my trip to Taiwan, & Christmas!!! For the last week.... It's still vacant. SHOPPING SHOPPING I CAN'T WAIT WEEEEE~

Poke!

BOO!! I'm back from school!!!

It's not even 7pm! Hahaha how rare right, i know....

 

So me and Andrea went shopping before Mask work! LOL bought 3 items and then went back to school for mask work assessment. My group were panicking last minute. Especially Ezekiel! THIS DUDE...... Everything forget! Actually I don't know la, I think I didn't do very badly but it wasnt good either so.... JUST PASS JUST PASS ASKING FOR A PASS ONLY.

Saw Afiq before class. Oh my god felt so heartbrokened when i hugged him :'( Sigh missed him too much tiny tears fell. Beyonce's Brokenhearted was playing in my head after he left. I was just thinking about the times spent together in the past last night.. & thinking about him too when I was crossing the street before Bugis Street but somehow i really can't remember what I was thinking about. Dang. I hate it when things feel different. I just do. I don't only feel like i miss him too much. I feel like things are just simply changing. I'M SURE I'VE SAID IT BEFORE. Nooooo i really don't want things to change.... Sigh can't even do anything about it. Just so sad. Hmmmm ok ok think positive ok ok things will turn for the better. It will it will.... We will all go eat Strictly Pancakes on Thursday after the torturing exam. WE... WILL....!!!

Had breaklunner with Andrea after that and now I'm home. THERE'S NO SCHOOL TOMORROW! AND WEDNESDAY!!!~~ WEEEE~~~ Can't wait to catch Pitch Perfect with the baby egg tomorrow and then meet my clique babies on Wednesday!!! I'm eggcited!!!!!

Hope I can sleep early tonight!!! Insomnia is returning to me! Bad!!!

Free

Ello there. x

Everyday i wake up at 11, and then fall back to sleep because the weather recently has been way better than awesome. The only thing that i'm lacking off is a person beside me to hug. HAHAHA JUST KIDDING my bolster's my person. No i'm serious. I think even if i were to get married in the future, i'd still have my bolster with me. IT'S SOMETHING I CAN'T SLEEP WITHOUT!!!

 

(shit i remembered i dreamt of something and i wanted to blog about it but i totally forgot... i didn't even tweet about it. WHAT?)

 

I spent my afternoon.... watching random youtube videos. After that i watched Barbie's Swan lake.... LOL now i noticed the ballet steps in the show. Omg don't judge me I didn't know dance genres like ballet hiphop jazz or what not when i was 8... I only knew it as graceful/fairy-looking dance cuz they were always in those tutus that made them look like they could fly. HAHAHA! & because at that age, i was in Chinese dance, I only knew I wanted to do ENGLISH dances not CHINESE dance... Didn't even know about genres. Such a toot i know.

 

Mask work assessment is tomorrow. Don't even know what i'm supposed to do. L-O-L good luck to me. 2 more days of school!!!! Let's go!!!! I'm like happy and sad at the same time. Happy cuz DUHHHHH HOLIDAYS ARE HERE~~~ Sad cuz I wouldn't be able to spend time with the ketupat, baby egg, exotic ng and ah fei of course... I'm already starting to miss them cuz we haven't been able to spend time last week. Hmmmm why do i feel sad just thinking about it. Cheh ok change topic.

 

COUNTDOWN TO SEEING 2NE1: D-5!!!! AHHHH EGGCITED~~~

 

 

Smileys~

Freaky how the mind works! So here's the thing. I dreamt of Jonas Koh last night. I woke up, shocked at why I randomly dreamt of him. Then i thought for awhile, i did text him yesterday because of SMTOWN. Maybe because I was too upset at the fact that he didn't manage to sneak me in made me dream of him. I was browzing my phone this morning checking all my notifications. Usually I would need to check each app cuz I would've closed the notifications when i switch off my alarm. I saw one miss call and it was from Jonas. Below it, it was an incoming call from him at 3am. It said that I answered it. WHAT? I TOTALLY DIDN'T REMEMBER WAKING UP TO PICK UP HIS CALL AT ALL. I asked him if i did and he said yes even though i didn't say anything. OMG THIS IS SO FREAKY. I really had no idea at all. NOT EVEN A SLIGHTEST RECALL OF IT. Maybe that's why i dreamt of him............ I dreamt that i saw him after i went SMTOWN!!! Freaky mind. Thank the lord i didn't sleep talk.

Spent an hour plus watching a Barbie movie on Cartoon Network this afternoon. HAHA OH MAN I miss watching Barbie movies~~~ & this particular one was quite similar to one of my favourites, Princess and the Pauper. It's called Princess and the Popstar! LOL so instead of a pauper, it's a popstar storyline. I still love the pauper one though~~~ I love it so much!!! I watched till one of the CD is spoilt.... :( & the CD ROM game that i bought, also spoilt cuz i played too much... LOL!!!!! Both of the shows have one same OST! To be a princess! & even this i think the pauper one sounds better!!! Hehehe.

 

 

 

Went to catch Ah Boys to Men 1 at Bishan today with family!!! It is such an awesome show!!!! Joshua Tan as Ken Chow is so bloody handsome this dude reminds me of Josef sigh sigh sigh. LOL I'm really cursed with guys who's names that start with J... When I told my mother his real name, she went like "What! J again....." HAHAHA EVEN SHE KNOWS I'M CURSED WITH Js. Yeah yeah i even predicted before that my future husband's name will start with a J. LOL if it really is true ah.... I'm really gonna laugh one whole day.

 

Went to have dinner after that and came home. I'm feeling so fresh now after a bath! Weeeheeee~~~~

Untitled

I almost blogged yesterday. & if i did, it would definitely be an angry post. I didn't sleep till about 4am last night. Thank god there were no morning classes. If not I would've really passed out from exhaustion.

Slept so late cuz I went home so damn bloody late. I didn't even finished my essay yet. If i had known that I had so much time in school yesterday, I would've brought my computer to school so i can finish up on my essay. Wasted so much time sleeping in school. I was so into doing my essay for 5minutes and then i got distracted by my phone. I tried pushing it away but then thoughts were haunting me. Couldn't take it anymore i decided to just splat everything out on screen. I was contemplating on whether i should blog or do my essay. Yes i chose to do my essay. It was not a good essay though. Couldn't even be bothered cuz my heart was somewhere else. I don't really know if what I did was right. People say you regret the things you do or say when you're angry. For me, i regret the things I say or do in the night most of the time. This impulse felt right. My intention is really not to hurt anyone. I already feel so irritated that I'm such a burden. I'll be happy enough if they are happy. That is if everything works out for everybody. Just kinda sad that this is happening when the holidays are coming..... :(

Hmmmm Ballet exam was kinda...... ok. I did my best. I felt it. Obviously i did some enchainments wrongly still but i'm almost there. Whatever the results..... it's whatever.

There were no classes today at all. Went back to school to watch the contemp exams of Dip2s, BA1,2,3s. God i feel like Dip1s have no place in School of Dance at all. We're just so out of place compared to them.

We didn't get to spend time with Shafiq cuz our timetables clashed.... Boohoo.

I don't feel relieved yet. Technically today is my last day of school... But they had to put maskwork assessment and Art history exam next week. WHYYYYY! I can't wait till Thursday is over. Then it's just one more day till i can see my 2ne1 girls. SO EXCITED!!!! I WISH THEY HAD FAN MEET IN SINGAPORE T_T WHY DON'T THEY HAVE IT??? WHY WHY WHY??? Hahaa ok i'm getting overboard over here. WOooOOoo~~~ SHINee is a week after that. SO EXCITING EXCITING!!!! Today's SMTOWN. YES TODAY. SIGH it's just a week after another. Such insanity... Who has got that much money to spare.... Not me definitely. My mother will just murder me. LOL

Alright it's the weekends. Happy thanksgiving to everybody out there and enjoy your weekends. x

Never good enough

BOOYAH!

Hula dance class is actually on my time table tomorrow... can't help but laugh because I suddenly thought of what I did when i was very young. It's very embarassing but it's funny cuz I'm now grown up... So last time when Lilo and Stitch 1 came out, I totally loved that show and totally love Lilo. Maybe because I felt like her. Then there was this part where she wore this grass looking skirt and hairband around her head and red tube top right.. & she was hula dancing! So i got inspired. & I made a flowery headband. YES SELF MADE LOL and wore some skirt that resembled the grass skirt except it was pink. AND HULA-DANCED. My mother even recorded it on her phone and showed to her friends, making me so embarassed. OH MY GOD WHY DID SHE RECORD!!! LOL so ridiculous. I even hummed the melody of the song! Sigh my childhood... What a funny ridiculous child... (OMG I JUST SEARCHED FOR THE YEAR THAT LILO AND STITCH CAME OUT. IT'S BEEN 10 YEARS.... HAHAHA)

 

TOMORROW'S D-DAY!!!! BALLET EXAMINATIONS. Alright not exactly examination like RAD examination but examination. Hahaha spouting rubbish again as usual. Sigh I really think I'll do badly. Miss Elizabeth is damn bloody smart by telling us that most of the time, our grades would be ranging from 40-50plus even if you get a distinction or something in RAD exams. WTF how motivating!!!!!! -_-

 

 Just saw my hip hop grade today. Fucking depressing piece of shitty paper. I really don't get how 40% is a pass in Lasalle. ANYTHING BELOW 50% IS NOT A PASS TO ME. NEVER. Get borderline grades like 50plus already depresses the shit outta me and now even lower than that?!?! FML. To think Mycs said I improved... IMPROVE WHAT NONSENSE!?!?!? OMG "DAYS LIKE THIS I WANNA DRIVE AWAY." Fml really wanna tear that piece of paper. Then Miss Melissa made us do some mental quiz today. Out of 30 i only scored a 9?! I totally know i have sucky negative mental issue here. I totally know I shouldnt beat myself down BUT EVEN TEACHERS ARE DOING IT. I try so hard to just earn one fucking piece of compliment. Even if you say something like I've improved at SOMETHING I DONT CARE WHAT, I'll be at least a tad more motivated. I really feel like I'm not meant to be a dancer and this feeling fucking sucks.  

 

Just now while going through Bajidor Kahot dance, I'M TRYING SO HARD BUT MISS SUSAN NEVER FAILS TO GIVE ME THE VIBE THAT I'M NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH. She's always beating around the bush. "Yeah some of you, SOME, are working very hard and i appreciate it. But some of you are not and you know who you are -eye contact-." WTF? "Shanette try to catch up with the rest." ENOUGH!!!!!!! If i were to sit out of the dance and watch the others dance, I'LL DEFINITELY BE ABLE TO PICK OUT SOME OTHER PERSON WHO'S DOING SOMETHING WRONG TOO. Damn it why must it always be me?!!? No matter how hard I try, the fucking teachers just can't see it. I always stand out, in the wrong fucking way. So fucking annoyed i'm cursing like a fucking bitch. It's either standing out the wrong way, or being completely invisible. SERIOUSLY????!?!?!?! Just always not good enough. Not good enough for dance, not good enough for anyone, not good enough for ANYTHING. All the negative comments i hear from the teachers..... Enough. I'm going crazy. Just not good enough i know. Fuck this shit.

 

Don't think I shall go on. I'm just gonna be even weaker than i already am if i continue. You just can't stop your tears from coming out if you know you're that bad.

Sidekick?

I wanted to go to sleep right after i bathe.... But then while i was bathing, i was thinking of loads of things and i wouldn't feel good if i didn't blog. Ha so yeah i'm here.

Ballet assessment is this Thursday. I'm stressed out because I still cannot get 2 of the enchainments right. I feel like I can do it but when i actually do it, i fail. IT'S ALWAYS LIKE THIS. My whininess got to the extreme this morning during Ballet. I was screaming and shouting because i was so stressed. I could even hear myself so clearly even though the music was playing. Sigh I just can't do anything when i'm in stressed mood. I really can't. Nothing goes right when i'm stressed.

Dance history final exam was today. I did horrible, duh. I didn't study for it. So i don't feel bad cuz I NEVER STUDY. Can't expect a miracle to happen, can I? Lol. Really don't have any motivation at all. My mind is really somewhere else. Usually I'd go like, hmmmm wtf am i thinking why can't i study. This time, i know exactly what i'm thinking and it sucks because I can't get this shit outta my head and IT WILL NEVER GET OUTTA MY HEAD. I still have an essay due Friday and I haven't even started on it.

I hate what's happening infront of me. I feel like I'm watching a replay of my own past. & it sucks. I don't get why it's hitting me so badly. Maybe because I was the victim in the past so i know how it feels. & it sucks to know that a friend is in that same position as you were before and you can't do anything about it. I would really love to say that it's none of my business at this point of time but i just can't.

I sense change every single day. This is the first time the feeling's so strong. You know what? Maybe i started out with too much love. The kind of love that many won't be able to feel. When the people that you gave that huge amount of love to doesn't reciprocate, you start to think why do they hold such high positions in your heart. Then it's worth starts decreasing. Maybe if they didn't mean that much to me, i could really just say "it's none of my business."

Sleep is just a temporary solution. Once my eyes are opened, reality starts hitting me again. Can't think of ways to get through this. I'm trying, if you can't already tell. I'm trying to deny everything that i see. Trying to feel like everything is oh so normal. I'm feeling very cooped up. I don't know exactly how am i supposed to say my thoughts. It's just so hard. I wanna have my own say in stuff but people hear, they don't listen. People always wanna learn the hard way. You tell them there's a hole infront of them, they don't believe, they walk infront and they fall down. Yup only after that they'll believe that you said there's a hole infront of them.

Maybe it's just Tuesday. I just abhor Tuesdays, if you don't already know. Hmmm I wanted to say Life is Unpredictable but it's sounds too ironic for me to be saying it since I'm always predicting life.

Ah fuck this shit will never have an ending. & if there ever is one, it will definitely not be a good one.

Sunday

I'm like looking through different boyfriend tag videos on youtube right now because I can. :B Hahaha alright i know this tag video thing is kinda so yesterday already but there are so many of them on Youtube!!! & I obviously haven't watched them all~ It's so cute to see some guys remember so many details of his girlfriend~ Where they first met, when's their first kiss, when's their first meet up with the parents etc... HAHA. Some of them were forced to do it, but they still did! HOW CUTEEEE. I don't make youtube videos, but it'd be so cute if me and my future boyfriend (if i ever get one that is.) were to do it.

It's raining so heavily everyday... Doesn't give me any mood to study at all. How can people be mugging and stuff when all i can think of is sleep and cuddle with my bolster?! LOL. I kinda found the guy that caught my attention during Swaggout 3 on facebook and stuff because of Andrea. When i saw his photos i was just like awww yeah okay awww while Andrea's over the phone spazzing her life away (LOL). But when i saw his dance videos, i went crazy. LOL.... So i guess his looks doesn't really appeal to me as much as his dancing skills. I mean he's some hot stuff but, if he didnt dance, i probably wouldn't find him as hot. He's like a double combo. He's good looking and is able to D A N C E!!!! Attractive level: 1000%!!!! EKKKK why am i always attracted to unstraight guys?! It's so annoying!!! "Oh my god he's so hottttt..." "Girl, he's gay." & I'll be DAMN.. I'm more attracted to guys who can dance street jazz and stuff more than bboy. I'M JUST SO WEIRD. WEIRDDDD. Song that's playing right now: Ashley Tisdale's Goin Crazy!!!! Hahaha just so coincidental. "You've got me goin' crazy! It's just the way you're movin', I really wish you knew what you do. I can't take my eyes off you!!"

37 more days till Christmas~
24 more days still Taiwan~~
19 more days till SHINee World Concert~~~
12 more days till 2NE1 New Evolution Concert!!~~

WOOHOO! But in no time, my December holidays will be GONE. :( So fast... I still need to find time to meet my secondary school mates, especially Yvonne Low, who has just touched down in Singapore yesterday!!!! So many exciting things coming up! I'm so excited!

Some people hear but they don't listen.

I'M FEELING SO GOOD AFTER A HOT-ASS SHOWER!!!! Been sticky and disgusting for the whole day phew!

I was feeling so awake for ballet on Wednesday. I literally knew what i was doing. But my energy died down during Viewpoints... Salutations, runs, 12/6/4s... I was so sick of it. My leg injury was ringing so badly because of the grand jetes that the runs and 12/6/4s almost killed me. Had lunch and contemp after that. Told Susan about my leg cuz I knew she'd do grand jete at the end of the lesson. With my leg like that, i obviously cannot take the impact the floor is gonna give to my leg. She told me i should see a physiotherapist if not the injury will never go away. SIGH I REALLY WANT IT TO GO AWAY I REALLY DO T_T

Had Art History extra class at 4.30.. Felt so cold cuz we were in the super cold room and it was raining outside... After class, Dayal told us that we were not going to have another anatomy test for the finals and the test that we took last week would be our final grade for this semester. He said that majority of us got above 80. I was SOOOOO happy when i heard about it!

Spent about 2 hours at the frass figuring out the blocking for our new hip hop choreographies. Not everybody was focusing and it was just everywhere. Sigh i hate doing shit like this without a teacher. There's no team work in our class at all. Really none. So many people were trying to lead. This kind of situations really turns me off. Even if i had something to say, no one would listen because everybody's too bothered about themselves. That's one freaking reason why i always shut up. I genuinely hate the blocking. I'm blocked all the way. I'm not saying that I'm a good dancer and i don't mind being at the back. BUT AT LEAST LET ME BE SEEN?

Went to eat chicken rice for dinner. It was so satisfying!!! Went home after that and bought Afiq Mcd's Mudpie icecream cuz he was feeling so moody. Oh my god he almost rejected me i almost got pissed. If i purposely buy something for somebody and that person rejects it, i'll really go crazy.

Stayed up till 2am plus doing improv journal. Oh man i almost couldn't open my eyes during Ballet. & I felt so dead during Hip hop. Mycs gave us the whole class to clean up our steps. She was there, she could've cleaned us up... Why did she tell Cheryl to clean us up? I mean it's Mycs' steps.... She should know better if our moves are right or wrong. Cheryl kinda did one step wrong in our 2nd choreography and everybody just followed her thinking that she's right. Oh my god. Not like me saying it will make a difference cuz I'm not a good dancer and people will just think I'M WRONG. -_- Sickening. Sometimes I have so much to say but i feel like my words mean nothing at all. I've got no stand, no place.

Arts History ended early. Jingwen totally forgot to bring her Improv journal and we needed to hand it in on Friday and we were sleeping over at Andrea's house. So she had no choice but to go all the way back home to get it. I went to Andrea's house to put down my bags and showered. Fell asleep for 2 over hours. Woke up, had spaghetti for dinner. WOOOOO SO DELICIOUS~ Before we left the house for swaggout 3, Andrea was giving me a private mini concert of herself singing. AHAHA BE JEALOUS cuz she'll never ever sing infront of most of you people out there :B It's this karaoke app on her phone that she used. Sang sang sang until we were late.

Reached Bayfront at about 8.35pm and we totally had no clue where Avalon was. After a hard time finding our way there, we finally reached. The queue was insanely long!!!! But then...... WE GOT INTO THE EXPRESS QUEUE CUZ BOTH OF US DIDN'T BRING BAGS!!!! HAHA we were the last 2 to reach in our class but the first 2 to get into the club. LOL omg first time in a freaking club.... HOW DO PEOPLE SEE MAN?! I ALMOST TRIPPED LIKE TWICE. Waited for a little while and the next thing we knew, we were right infront of the stage. Awesome music was playing and I don't understand how everybody can be so still on a freaking dance floor. OMG.. Ya i know they are all waiting for the show to start but still! CAN GROOVE WHILE WAITING WHATTTT. But everybody was as stiff as a log so I had no choice but to restrict my movements.

Show started at almost 10. All the performances were spectacular!!! Except for the crumping people. Crazy how is that even dancing?!?! My eye was very glued to this particular gay guy that looked like Christopher. He danced so damn well and so damn sexy oh my god. Almost died ok. I tried imagining Chris do it but i almost laughed my ass off. Told Kel about it and he was like "TAKE VIDEO OR PHOTO!! I'LL SHOW HIM!!" Of course this dude was way sexier, way more handsome, way buffer than Chris. Saw familiar dance teachers like Bryan and Fredy and Nash and Zaihar and Xuehui. MYCS PERFORMED TOO!!! I think she performed like 4 freaking choreographies!!!! SUPER AWESOME.

The whole event ended at 12. We cabbed to Andrea's house and the timing was all just right. The moment we got out of the taxi, Afiq and Shafiq were walking toward's Andrea's condo. Haha! Took turns to bathe and had spaghetti again for SUPPER!!! SO DELICIOUS I REALLY LOVE IT!! -heartshaped eyes- Of course... Andrea and Shafiq shared one bed and me, jingwen and Afiq shared one bed. This Afiq really trying to piss me off everyday. At first i thought i was gonna get the whole bed to myself. Omg -_- Initial plan was that me and Afiq on the bed, Shafiq and Andrea on the bed. Jingwen on the floor cuz she said she didn't mind. I kinda felt bad somehow. So instead of sleeping straight i slept in the landscape way. So the bed could squeeze 3 people. Jingwen was on the floor with Afiq. Both of them didn't wanna come up at first but of course Jingwen still did. Afiq was so stubborn and it really pissed the hell outta me. Everybody was telling him that there was enough space on the bed for him to sleep but he insisted to sleep on the floor. Deserves a whacking man!!!! I got irritated so i didn't bother calling him up. If he wanted to sleep on the bed, he would. Of course he did in the end. STARTED SNORING THE MOMENT HE JUMPED ONTO THE BED. Oh my holy crap. Couldn't sleep for like 30minutes so i was like busy looking through twitter and other apps. Shafiq was so lame.... He was on the other bed using his phone too and he replied to my tweet even though we were in the same room.. LOL a minute after that, he and Afiq were competing who snored the loudest. Freaking orchestra going on... I kept waking up in the middle of the night because either Afiq's snore was too loud or Jingwen suddenly have body spasm. LOL. Omg i'm really thankful to god for not giving me any weird sleeping habits. I think i do snore but it only happens when i'm extremely extremely tired. It rarely ever happens.

Woke up very early because of the alarm. I didn't know Afiq and Shafiq had to reach school at 8.30 if not i would've woken them up. They woke up at 8am and started panicking. Lucky they were boys, super fast in preparing. They managed to reach school on time. The 3 of us continued sleeping because we decided to skip Pilates (as usual). BUT WE STILL OVERSLEPT. We woke up at 10 when our class was at 10.30am!!!! Cabbed down to Jitterbugs and hip hop exam started. Sigh rubbish I was totally not prepared for it.

Mycs kinda made me sad a little.. After doing the choreography for three times as a whole group, she split us into 3 groups. By seeing who's in what group, i already know how she chose the people. The first group who went up obviously scored the highest because it consisted of people like Cheryl, Andrea, Luvenia and Jingwen. Joey too. I belonged to the second group. My name was called the last. So I'm gonna assume that I actually belonged to the last group because she hesitated before calling my name. FUCK MY LIFE? She said i improved but she was gonna almost fail me again? Is she kidding me? Depressing but who cares I don't care anymore.

Had Starbucks for lunch L O L . . . I know i know i know we're ridiculous but cravings~~~ Hehehe. We were all sitting side by side at an awkward table. Did the remaining few journal entries for improv and rushed back to school cuz we were late for improv. LATE DAY!!! Always late!!

It was such an emotional improv lesson. She told us to bring a personal item. I didn't because I kinda forgot about it. I used my phone instead. It's very precious and personal to me!!!~ We sat in a circle and took turns to say why the item was personal to us. After that we started doing improv to the emotions that the item has given us. Like the memory of the item. The first round was not very successful. I kinda didn't know what to think. I got very into it for the second round. One memory led to another... I started to think of so many things. I felt like I was very me when Melissa told us to be in our own worlds. Very negative, very sad, wanted to cry because even my parents couldn't understand me. The story i told to the class had something to do with my mother. It's not THAT emotional but as i've said, 1 memory led to another. Then Melissa told us to go into other people's world and mix around. I started to change. I started to hold everything in. I started becoming who I always am infront of my friends.

After that, we had a debrief about it. Everybody was so emotional. I had so much impulse to say about how i felt. But i didn't dare. LOL this is my problem. I over think so much that my mind can't even form a proper sentence. I wanna say this I wanna say that this that this ah fuck forget it. Always happens. That's another reason why I'm always quiet when it comes to opinions. I've got loads to say but idk where to begin. I would rather write down or something because that gives me time to sort out my thoughts.

After class, slacked at the frass. Fell asleep for afew minutes until Andrea told me Shafiq's stomach hurt and he was on the floor. HAHA DRAMA BOY. We went up to find him and he didn't eat anything. OF COURSE HIS STOMACH WOULD HURT... -_-

Had rehearsal from 4.30-6.30 at H102. Melissa polished up our hip hop routine. Sigh felt very demoralised. I just don't know. I'm not good enough, no one notices me, i just blend into the air. SLIGHTTTT improvement also don't have? Argh fml. Felt so sucky throughout the whole rehearsal. FUCK MY LIFE.

Caught Bangsawan at 7 plus. It was performed by the level 2 performance students. SUPER FANTASTIC AND SUPER HILARIOUS. I couldn't stop laughing!!! They are awesome talented people!!! Waited for Shafiq and Afiq for dinner but apparently they had freaking Sarpinos waiting for them and they didn't even tell us they Harris was gonna treat the whole performance students. We waited for almost an hour for them FOR NOTHING. Oh my god so mad. Went to subway to have our dinner and headed home.

Need to write a 1000 word essay for Rhythm Ensemble.... Sigh i feel like i'll do badly for it. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO WRITE 1000 WORDS FOR THAT BUT THIS BLOG POST HAS ALREADY EXCEEDED 2000 WORDS??? Ha of course it's my life story HAHA.. Alright guys i'm tired but my brain can't stop thinking of nonsense... Sigh goodnight!!!

The difference

OK HI GUYS... I SUDDENLY HAVE THIS URGE TO BLOG.

So i stoned my entire night away because I really had no mood to do anything... I went around my house finding things to do but I couldnt find any. I even told the butterflies i was freakin bored and asked what they were doing.... You know "What are you doing" is a bloody lame question but i was THAT bored.. I was hoping they'd entertain me but it took them 1 million years to reply me so i moved on. I saw Amanda online (as usual) so i decided to talk to her!!! It's been so long since we last had our random long chat!!!! & as we were talking, Christopher the retard started talking to me!!! OMG IT'S BE SO LONG!!!! They both totally made my night!!! I can never take Chris' words for real. Neverrrrrrrrr.

& as i was talking to Chris... I went to his profile and started stalking his facebook photos. Of course Kevin's face were in most of the photos. Omg he gave me the vibe that he's kinda.... straight now? LOL omg i really almost laughed my imaginary balls off when that thought came into mind. I really cannot imagine him straight.. HAHA -coughs- I can say this here right? YEAH OF COURSE I CAN IT'S KEVIN.

When i saw his face, i got reminded of the times when me and Aglin were working together. He'd always be on the couch being all sad and whiny. I even rememebered that one day he was totally being a bitch. Both of us asked him why he was feeling so moody and stuff. He totally just dissed me and told Aglin to message him cuz he didn't want me to know what was going on. That was the one time i really got so mad at him. I think i'm like cursed or something la. People just hate telling me their problems. They all assume I won't understand. I'm always in such situations. Out of the 2 of us, whoever the other person is, I'm always the one losing out. Not that I bother.... but I got so mad because he did it so obviously that I really almost punched him in the face!!! Omg so bitchy... He's a bitch who only uses me. Use me to get free waffles, use me to change music to his liking, use use use use.

Ew i don't even know what I'm talking anymore. I'm trying to prove a point here but somehow I'm going out of point and I'm not making any sense!!!! I feel like people's always using me instead of trusting me.

Oh man I miss working with the idiot Chris and Xuejun... Everyday getting "scolded" by Xuejun cuz she cares and hearing her endless stories about J... & HER RIDICULOUSLY PAINFUL PINCHES. Omg she's the one person i'd rather she punch me than pinch me. Her pinch is bloody deadly.. Of course Chris and his pms and bipolar moments..

Aw those days. It's long gone! Haha right now i should be heading to bed and look forward to an "awesome" wednesday. I doubt it cuz it's all physical lessons. I wonder how my leg's gonna handle it. I'm thinking of going all out. SIGH PLEASE BE NICE TO ME LEG :(

Stab the heart

BOOYAH!!!

Had the last Yoga lesson for the semester yesterday!!!! The next Yoga lesson will be next year!!! Omg how time flies.... I told Coach Ling about my leg/ankle injury... He told me it's actually a very serious spot to get injured and if he helps me to massage it, the injury will inflame and I'll not be able to dance for quite awhile. That kinda didn't help at all so i gave him the "huh then wth am i supposed to do face..." So he helped me release the tensions in my calve muscles and wrap my leg with this orange tape thingy. Don't even understand how that helps -_-.. & Shafiq didn't went for Yoga even though he was already in school. Naughty boy!!! Can't stop laughing at him when i saw him. He felt strangely different!

Had BK breakfast with Andrea before Ballet~ Sat out of ballet because I kinda overused my leg for the day already. SUCKS TO BE MEEEE i always feel like it's feeling better so i act like it's somehow recovered. But it can only last up till one class and then it starts hurting again. Sigh!!!!

Didn't do anything during lunch. Rhythm Ensemble was as usual. Didn't had mask work cuz Harris was absent (woohoo!). Slacked til 4.30pm... Had to watch some DVD for Rhythm Ensemble's final essay assessment. I feel doomed. Need to write another 1000 words on something I have no clue on. God.

Went to Astons for dinner and after that i felt like puking so much NO JOKE. Hmmmm... Slacked at the frass and hear Shafiq sang~ Sigh his voice is amazing. Jingwen was a scary fangirl. :B Initially they wanted to go lan play L4D2 (obviously wants me to die) but the lan opposite school was too packed so we went to Mcd and eat icecream instead.

Went home after that and stoned. Literally. I don't know what i did for 2 hours. I think I was just staring blanky at the computer screen... I went to sleep after stoning, hoping I'd dream of something nice... But obviously i didn't. To top it off, i woke up sighing like an aunty.

"Shit why am i back to reality...." was what i thought of the first thing i opened my eyes. Sleeping really helps me to forget everything i wanna forget and escape the real world for that few hours. Argh. Spent the past 3hours thinking of unnecessary things. Yeah i slept till 2pm today. I wish i could just sleep my day away so i don't need to think of assignments and stuff.

I wasn't hungry but the weather was very cold so i had to eat something to warm myself up. Ate instant noodles. Unhealthy or what? Lol. It's already 5pm. I wanted to use today to finish up my improv journal entries but I totally had no mood to do. Internally feeling very sad. & of course only I myself know why I'm feeling this way. Oh well at least i completed 2 entries....? Lol

I doubt the night would be any more cheerful so i shall just end my post here.

Hmmm

I don't really know what to blog about right now. My weekend was a rather..... expected one.

My mom just got my phone screen fixed this morning. I'm very thankful to her <3 Spent my whole morning screaming at myself in my room, literally. I just felt like something was wrong. I felt like something was gonna hit me soon and I might just go like "what the fuck."

Shook those feelings off by rewatching Material Girls. I love Hilary duff!!!!!! I was watching Beauty and the Briefcase yesterday, so i decided to watching Material Girls today :B Hehe. Kept pausing throughout the show because i was busy restoring my phone and stuff. So my mom fixed both my iPhones. I decided to use the older one because that phone has 2 times more memory than the other. So it took me some time to restore this and that. The first time it was restored, some of my messages were missing. I panicked and resynced my newer phone, then restored my older phone again. Thank god those messages were there. It's precious to me..

Spent my whole afternoon redownloading my songs because it was all gone... Yeah because my computer died on me the other time and i didnt back up my files, my music's all gone. Obviously I haven't finished downloading all the songs... It's gonna take me forever man. Sooooo many songs...

Went to Parkway Parade; Jack's Place with my mommy for dinner. Spent the whole time telling her about my dramatic school life. Both my maids and my mom couldn't stop laughing at me. Omg did i look like a joke!? I was talking about serious stuff over there!!! LOL I didn't bothered about their laughter I just carried on talking. I got too carried away in talking that i was actually the last to finish my food. So rare.....

Walked around and did some shopping. For the first time in my life, retail therapy didn't make me feel happier at all. Cheh!!!! Went home and surfed the internet awhile... Didn't know where my soul was. Decided to take a walk around my estate alone.. Bought some snacks hoping that it'd bring back happy Shanny.

It kinda did i guess. Ok lol i don't know maybe i'm deluding myself. I don't know I don't know I don't wanna know. Daddy and spen is away enjoying their life in Japan right now. The cold weather.... Boohoo i need to escape from reality for awhile. Sigh

Rest in progess

It's so weird and awkward to home today... It's like been almost a month since all my Saturdays are taken over by school. Crazy October. I feel so much more free now.

I couldn't sleep last night. Don't even know why. Because my phone cracked, I used the iPad to do late night browzing instead. So bulky..... I felt like it could drop on my face anytime. LOL fell asleep at almost 3.. Woke up this afternoon and had my lunch. Didn't finish it cuz it was too much. My appetite recently has been weirddddd. I feel like I'm back to my i-can-eat-nothing-the-whole-day-and-still-feel-super-full period. THAT'S GOOD.

I've created a new tumblr. My old tumblr dashboard is filled with kpop related posts and most of them are repeated so.... I decided to "start afresh". It's been seriously looooong since i last used tumblr. I used to be so hooked up to it. Ever since I started working, I got used to not scrolling tumblr during my free time because of the sucky internet at my workplace.

I don't know what to do now. I was watching this drama called "I miss you". I finished 1 part of it and didn't get what it was about so I didn't continue.

The weather's so good for cuddling. So cool and sleepy. I think i might just fall asleep again. Hahaha i'm just a true pig~~~ Craving for some porridge right now. Think i should eat that for dinner~~~ Alright i'm gonna continue slacking my entire saturday away~ Toodles!!!

Shut up

Ellooooooooo~ It's Friday friday gotta get down on friday~

 

Didn't went for Pilates class this morning. Andrea was late for like 20minutes... LOL.. Sat at our secret spot and chatted a little while. Hip hop was not that bad because we kinda know our steps already. Mycs told us our hip hop rough score. She told me that I didn't do well for the first half of the semester but she sees improvement in the second half of the semester. So she told me to not be sad over the marks she was going to tell me. I was sad, honestly. Sigh i really wonder what i can do.. I really don't know what I'm good at. I'm not good at socializing, talking, singing, dancing, studies. I don't have good looks i don't have good body. I give up halfway in both guitar and piano, so i can't exactly play very well in both instruments. Wtf i'm just so sad with myself. How can i have confidence in anything if I know that everybody else is better than me? LITERALLY EVERYBODY. So hopeless.

 

Sometimes i think if I've taken the atheletic route, I woud've probably gained more confidence in myself. I never once felt sucky about my swimming skills during those days. I always wanted to compete who's the fastest with my swimmates. I always wanted to see who plays better in badminton. Even if i knew my competitor was strong, i still wanted to challenge that person. Rope skipping was something I thought was stupid in the beginning. But then, everyone else in the rope skipping club could skip so well. & It made me wanna be that well. So i practiced every single day until i could even do stuns in a matter of a few months. Sigh where did that Shanette go? All burried under all these demoralizations.. All these people who are better than me.. I'm nothing but shit. No matter how hard i try, I still am what i am. So depressed.

 

You know what's worse? When the people around me are critisizing other people or themselves which are not true. & I feel like they are indirectly critisizing me too sometimes.. I don't know how to explain this. It's like person A tells me that this girl has fat thighs and big face. Then i look at myself, oh i have fat thighs and big face too. How am i supposed to agree to person A's critic? It's like critisizing myself too. Another example, person B sings averagely well. Like it's acceptable. But person C says it sucks very badly, and that she can't sing. Then i see myself again, I can't even sing. I sound like a croaked frog. So if I'm bad, how is SHE bad?! How can i agree that she's bad at singing when I myself can't even sing? DOES ANYONE GET WHAT I MEAN HERE? Sigh I don't know how to explain this nonsense. Ok this last example might probably make things super clear. I am fat. Whole world knows that. Person D is a slim average sized girl. & infront of me she complains about how fucking fat she is. I LOOK AT MYSELF AND I GO LIKE WTF AM I THEN? Hippo.

 

Sigh my demoralization level has reached rock bottom. I can't think of anyone that I can truly say "I'm better at (something) compared to this person". This sucks. And all those who try to comfort me, all tell me bullshit comforting words which i know are not true at all. It doesn't help people, doesn't help. Sad to the point where tears just flow out without me even realising it.

 

After school and dinner, slacked at the frass with Andrea Shafiq and Jingwen. Afiq went to somewhere only god knows LOL!!! I really don't know where he went. Before he went, both the fiqs were super amazed and spazzing over how Andrea could sing so well. Omg dramatic scene i don't even know what was going on. It's was just so noisy and confusing so i just went to lalaland. LOL. My phone cracked. Fuck it. I totally knew it'd crack. These past few days, my phone went through so many almost-cracking moments. It finally cracked today, so disgustingly.. OI PHONE YOU HAPPY NOW THAT YOU'VE CRACKED????!?!?! Irritating phone.

 

While sleeping at the frass, my mind was drifted away to idk where. Argh why is my mind always thinking so much? HOW CAN I STOP IT FROM OVER THINKING????

Went home and my brother wasn't home yet. HOW RARE THAT I'M EARLIER THAN MY BROTHER.... Haha. Yay to 2 free days. I'm just gonna enjoy my 2 "off days" tomorrow. Gonna miss Andrea's, Afiq's, Shafiq's and Jingwen's face though... I don't understand how we see each other everyday but I don't get sick of seeing them. It's like even though we spend so much time together, I still think we're not spending enough time.. The feeling's so weird~

 

Goodnight.

Life.... Up then down.... Then up.

Went to class feeling very uneasy and looking like a zombie yesterday. Couldn't concentrate in ballet class because i was very tired... I wanted to just sit out of class because I really had no mood to do ballet. Obviously that's a wrong attitude towards ballet but what can i do.... Shin and ankle felt so pain because Elizabeth kept asking me to do the stupid jumps. I was so tired so i couldn't jump properly. Maybe because of that I hurt my ankle and shin again.. I didn't dare to say my ankle was hurting because i was scared. During Viewpoints, i didn't do runs and 4,6,12s because if i did, i think my shin would just be bruised for life. Had an hour break then contemp started. It was Susan's class today. Her routine was not that hard but i had to kinda restraint my movements a little in case i anyhow twist my ankle. It's so 'loooose'. I feel it. I feel like it might just twist anytime. So scary. I fell down while doing grand jetes..... I DIDNT EXPECTED MYSELF TO FALL.... Sigh. I hate it when she praises the class. Cuz she will always talk about the ones who's lagging behind and I'm always sure she's talking about me because she will always eye contact with me when she talks about it. Irritates me so much. I WOULD FUCKING PUT IN MY 110% IF MY LEG WAS FULLY HEALED AND RECOVERED. Wait I DID PUT IN MY ALL. Why can't she say something like I improved........

Spent my time with Shafiq and Jingwen while Andrea was away for Research and writing class. I just slacked all the way till 7.30 because Afiq and Shafiq were busy with their art history presentation. Then they had a show to watch. So me and Andrea went on a "date" at Billy Bombers LOL. Like i said.... I went into class feeling very uneasy. So i told her how i felt and what was going on. She didn't believe me. She kept telling me I was wrong. Bla bla bla. Well i wished i was wrong too -_- Talked very long. I love days like this with Andrea. Nyahahaha i love her!!!!! We went to check out the new Plaza Sing. THE AMBIENCE IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT NOW. It feels like freaking ion+somerset. Went home and slept~!!!!

Went to school late because i was that sick of 8.30 lessons. Hip hop was a killer..... The new choreo's nice but it's very fast and hard. Made my leg hurt so much :( Tomorrow's the test. Just kill me.

My first half of the afternoon was so shitty. Andrea finally believed what i told her was right. She got her confirmation today and she kept crying. It pissed me off because to me, they are not worth your tears at all. You know what, i really don't care about them. Their existence to me, is really nothing. It's thinner than air. If they are assuming things and then assume again that we know what we did wrong, then I really got nothing to say. I'm pretty fucking sure we did nothing wrong. & what you did right there, that's cyber bullying, JUST SO YOU KNOW. Another thing, to clear up your messy brain, i don't PRETEND to be nice. I AM nice. & when i don't like a particular person, I'll show it straight in that person's fucked up face that i dislike that person. I don't pretend to like that person. I won't even be goody goody friends with that person. Whatever it is, karma will hit on you. (i guess it already did)

Spent that few hours of break after art history with Shafiq and Andrea. Shafiq brightened up our day. I felt cheered up somehow just by spending time with him. Just his presence makes me feel happy. Andrea felt it too. I know I don't tell them my problems. I know I'm not as open as Jingwen and Andrea. But I still always feel happy everytime i see them. I feel very home!!!!! They make me feel very comfortable. Sometimes I wish I can hug them so tight and never let go, especially when I'm feeling down. But then there's this tiny barrier that i feel that i shouldnt cross everytime.... I don't know how to explain it. Boohoo kinda sad to think about it but...... NOPE I shouldnt think about it. Sobs i love you guys. I don't like to write things like that on the chat group that we're in. THEY HARDLY REPLY TO ME OMG. Do they think that i'm not serious or what? LOL kukubirds. That's one thing about group chats that i hate. OH WELLLLLL... Can't explain it, don't know how to show it either. Just hope you feel it. :)

Had dinner at Just Acia with them and talked alot. Jingwen drained our braincells!!!! She should give us more of those nonsense questions though!! It's very interesting and makes you wanna die just cuz you are dying to know the answer. Went home at 10~

Tomorrow's Friday!!!!! WOOHOO finally a weekend where i do not need to return to school. SO HAPPY~~~

Smile

Aloha!

 

I spent my whole Sunday doing my dance history essay, which my teacher have decided to extend the dateline because some people in my class went to tell him they had no time to do it or whatever nonsense. It's annoying. The excuses people give.. It's unfair. People sacrifice their time to do it because we're rushing for the dateline. & these lazy people, just decide to not do it and hope for a miracle to happen, which luckily for them, happened. Oh my god.

 

Monday went quite well, until mask work. Didn't perform well for mask work. Oh well... After that we met Dayal at the frass. He told us our Anatomy marks one by one privately and I didn't dare to go to him when it was my turn cuz I was afraid of my marks. BUT..... Turns out i got 55 marks. HEY THAT'S A FREAKING PASS. (FYI: Anything above 40 marks is a pass in Lasalle. WEIRD I KNOW.) I mean for Anatomy (Bio related) and me studying only 1 day before the test.... I thought I did quite well. LOL. I expected myself to really flunk it. Like get probably 30 marks out of 100. Ok then again..... 55 is not a good score and in Dayal's record, 60 is the passing mark.

 

Then we had this Post Production talk after that. Harris was bullshitting all the way. Totally wasted 2 hours of my time. We were doing this feedback thing so everybody was telling Harris how they felt about this production that we've just finished. Honestly, out of everyone of them who spoke up, 3/4 of them said the same god damn thing. I sat there listening to crap and kept thinking how much time is wasted on this shit. Argh. After that, i went out to study for Anatomy. Jingwen went home, Shafiq and Afiq started doing their Art History presentation.

 

Studied till 10 and went home. Tension was in the air and i was in a very awkward position.

 

Was 10minutes late for ballet class. We reached there and didn't see Jingwen anywhere. Andrea: "Are my eyes playing tricks on me or is Jingwen not here?" I thought she was kidding but i still scanned through the room and realised she was really not here. HOW SHOCKING. Hahaha.

 

Had tutorial class with Melissa at the frass today and she wasted our time again. Omg it was already out lunch break and she didn't even tell us when we were released. She kept going on and on about Anatomy and nothing was really going into my head because i was very hungry. All i could think of was food! All these teachers.... They are the reason why i miss my school bell so much. No time management.

 

Had lunch at 15minutes and went to block F level 2 to study. The anatomy paper was almost exactly the same!!! The questions didn't change at all. I can definitely score an acceptable mark this time!!! Dance history was our last lesson. John Meed is another teacher that freaking looooooves to drag our lesson. LASALLE IT'S TIME YOU PUT SCHOOL BELLS!!!!!!

 

Stayed back in school till 9pm even though class ended at 3.30pm.. Haha Shafiq was doing his Art History and the both of us had nothing to do so we walked around Bugis+ and Bugis in circles. Bought Taimei and headed back to school. Fell asleep. I even dreamt. But i woke up because my legs and arms were having pins and needles. Horrible feeling to get while you're sleeping... Tried getting back to sleep but i couldn't. The area was tooooo hot and humid. LASALLE NEEDS TO INSTALL MORE FANS OR AIRCONS AROUND!!!!! Nyahahaha I'm complaining so much :B

 

So i've been thinking through about the most random stuff ever and...... I realised my head knows alot without even people telling me. When people tell me things, it's more like a confirmation for the information that I already have in my head. I doubt my own thoughts, that's why i seldom tell people what i think, because I might be wrong even though 70% of the time I think i'm right. HAHA contradicting but it's true!!! I kinda feel sick of telling people "I KNEW IT!!!!!" everytime they tell me something. I feel like it's starting to be a very expected answer from me. BUT WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY!!!! I REALLY KNEW IT HAHAHA. I can't be shocked at some "news" people tell me because i already saw it coming somehow. Makes me laugh everytime my thoughts were actually right. It's so freaky yet so amazing. I really don't know how this happens. My 6th sense is very strong i guess. NYAHAHA~~~

 

To end of this post, I would like to dedicate a short paragraph to all those people in the world that gets demoralised easily:

 

I am a girl who gets demoralised very easily. I am not a good dancer. I don't have any talents to show off. I don't really do well academically either. I'm not blessed with a pretty face or a sexy body. Overall I'm just a very typical common teenager who's living my life from day to day. People may say you suck at this, you suck at that or even worse, compare you with someone else. Then you get upset and mull over it throughout the night. Think about it.... What do you get from feeling depressed for the whole night? Pimples.... Wrinkles..... Eyebags.... Maybe even swollen eyes if you're the crybaby type. I am not saying you can't be sad over such things. Everybody has those times.. But you can't let these emotions overtake you. Cry it out, and move on. If eating makes you happier, EAT. If sleeping makes you happier, SLEEP. Do something that makes you happy after you've done mulling over the issue. Think of how you can solve it instead. If you think you're gonna fail this upcoming test that you're gonna have, keep rereading the notes given until you even dream about the test in your sleep. If you know you're gonna forget this one dance step during performance day, practice until you can dance the whole routine from the back to front!!! I know it's hard. I KNOW. People who know me knows I've gone through millions of demoralizing moments. But everybody deserves to be happy. Remember that.   

God knows i've tried

Just sent Gigi my asian dance journal!!! One less thing off my mind!!! Now i'm left with....
1. Dance history essay
2. Rhythm Ensemble research
3. Study Anatomy

ARGH THE LIST NEVER GETS SHORTER.

I was thinking if i should just start my dance history essay now but then.... I wouldnt be able to concentrate if i havent post about my day today. Hahaha blogging is seriously part of me man. Kinda getting all my priorities wrong but hello! I didnt say I'm not gonna do it. I'm just gonna blog FIRST, then do my essay. :B

Slept all the way till 12 this afternoon. I had such a good sleep, until i stood up and felt the ache on my back. HORRIBLE.. Mom bought mcd for lunch for me. Had my lunch and went to school. The weather was sooooo goood~ Performance kids were all so moody and upset. We could all totally feel it. So scary. But it was okay afterwards~

Our first show of the night was so shitty. So many mistakes occurred. But our last show was awesome~~~ The applause was loud too~~~ Happy~ Helped to pack up and then stood outside Creative Cube. Waited there to be dismissed. Dayal suddenly called out afew dancers and i immediately knew why. I suddenly had the impulse to say it out that those people were the ones who passed the anatomy test that's why they were called out. & I did. Shafiq was beside me. Somehow he could sense the sadness in my words because I wasn't called out so I obviously failed. He came to hug me and told me I could do it. Afiq suddenly came to me too. Wow this has never happened before. It's always the opposite. It's always me ATTEMPTING (using this word because i know they don't get cheered up by me most of the time) to cheer them up. Never the other way round. Felt so weird that they actually knew i was upset and tried cheering me up.. (It's weird that i even allow myself to express my sadness out to them)

Andrea came back feeling so happy and telling us that they passed the test. I just stood there and went like "yeah i knew it". This feeling sucks!!!!!! Why am i always the one being left behind.... Why am i not catching up? I suddenly remembered the time in Sec 3 where i almost couldn't get promoted to Sec 4. I was the only one in the special study session and the rest of my clique were all safe. Same goes for other tests or exams... Sigh it's happening again. Afiq and Shafiq are doing well in their own courses. Jingwen and Andrea passed the test and overall they are quite smart and hardworking. ME AGAIN. Always me lagging behind like a lost puppy.

As usual...... Andrea saw my tweet on twitter and knew i was sad about it... Think she showed it to Shafiq cuz he just suddenly hugged me again and talked to me in his baby voice. Whatever he said didn't matter honestly. All that matters is that he took the initiative to cheer me up.. Omg i felt so loved, genuinely for the first time by him and Afiq. SO WEIRD THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. Treasured that moment so much. Heheh it might not happen again who knows. All three of them were hugging me, left right center. Omg how can i not feel loved you tell me!? I'M SUCH AN EMOTIONAL IDIOT OMG. I LOVE YOU GUYS I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE!!!!!!

Afiq got upset because his ipod home button was not working. I know how he feels because I had similar issues before and it's just very upsetting. So i can't blame him for feeling how he was feeling just now. Mummy sent him and Andrea home. Latte was in the car again~~~ Hehehe my cutiepie.

I love my baby egg! I love i love i love!!!!!

Today is the first time I'm taking a solo photo with Shafiq... LOL

 

"We work all day whether shine or rain~

Our skin is peeling and we're going insane~

We can see our bones, we're in the most pain~

We need to find diamonds or we'll lose our heads~"

"We need to find diamonds.... Or we'll lose our heads..."

"This is the only way we can survive~

We gotta dig it dig it dig it, to stay alive~

We go no food, no money, no place to hide~

We gotta dig it dig it dig it, to stay aliveeeeeeeeee~"

Right now.... I need to read up on my dance history... It's 2.30AM.... Sigh goodnight.

Still trying

Saw this article called "10 reasons your crush picked the other girl" on MSN homepage... Hahahaha what to do when the headline's so big and it caught my attention other than to read right??~

3. She threw herself at him and he couldn’t resist

More than one of our male friends have admitted that they were won over by pure persistence. If you’ve ever been a little grossed out seeing a girl throwing herself at a guy who’s clearly less invested than she is, well, it’s a thousand times more maddening when she’s doing it to the guy you like – and he goes for it! “How can a guy like someone so desperate?”In a perfect world, you think, you’d have been rewarded for showing a little more dignity. But maybe he simply had more opportunities to get to know her since she was always around, while you were barely a blip on his radar. 

 

7. He was more attracted to her physically

This one’s a tough pill to swallow, but the other girl has a natural advantage if she’s more of his physical type than you are. That doesn’t mean that you’re less attractive than her, it just means that when it comes to this guy, you always had your work cut out for you. Think about it in terms of food. If you prefer pasta to pizza, then you’re probably going to order linguine over a calzone while eating Italian. Sure, you can still enjoy the latter, but it’s never going to be your first choice. At any rate, it’s better to date someone who can’t help liking you than date with someone who has to work at it.

 

9. It was never a competition to begin with

It’s easy to get caught up in this narrative of “me versus her,” but if he didn’t like you in the first place, then he never had to choose between the two of you. You just happened to be someone (perhaps one of many) who also liked him. Instead of obsessing over how she was the winner and you were the loser, or how she “snatched” him away from you before you had a chance, keep in mind that if it wasn’t her, it’d be someone else. He just doesn’t like you that way.

 

Just kinda copied these 3 reasons because I can just kinda relate to it.

 

Here goes my super duper uber long post. Be prepared.

 

 

On Wednesday, all our physical lessons were still on despite the fact that we would be performing on that night and would be super tired.. I didn't go for Ballet. I woke up late that day, probably too tired from the previous day for sleeping too late. Then i left the house remembering that I've forgotten to take my black shorts, which was meant to be my performance item's costume. So i went back to take it and rushed to school. When i reached school, it was already super late. Couldn't find any reason why I should still attend Ballet.. So I went for Breakfast instead. Coincidentally, Andrea was really late too.. I woke up to a message from her telling me to go to school first when I'm not even awake!!! LOL... 

 

Viewpoints as fun, contemp was not that bad for Melissa's class. Before contemp, i suddenly remembered that I've forgotten to bring kneeguards for Afiq and Shafiq. Then i started to panic (omg tell me why i always panic over minor issues) Texted my brother to tell my maid to bring it to Little India for me. After contemp, it was raining SUPER DUPER heavily. I didn't have an umbrella. Lucky one of the BA seniors were sitting outside the studio and had an umbrella. Rushed there, took it and rushed back to school. I still ended up drenched.. Oh well at least the knee guards were in my hands already~

 

Because it was halloween, we saw students walking around campus in their halloween costumes! It was mad awesome.

 

PP was very slack actually. Had our first show at 9pm that day. The reaction from the audience were kinda bad. I think almost everyone couldn't understand what we were doing at all. I knew it. That's why I didn't invite my parents to come watch it. They wouldn't understand anything at all. My dad would probably sleep in standing position and I'm not even kidding..

 

At 10.25pm, Shafiq reminded us to jam the studio doors if not we would have nowhere to sleep. Lasalle's studio doors are locked up at 10.30pm SHARP. Afiq and Andrea rushed to D201 to jam it. Supposedly, Afiq was supposed to jam F303. But Andrea told him F307 so he went to jam that studio. By the time he reached F303, it was too late. It was already 10.30pm.. Boohoo went to take our bags from D201 and brought it up to F303 and lied to the security guard saying that we left something inside. LOL. We all took turns to bathe in the Male's toilet which was nearest to the studio and IT WAS FREAKING COLD!!! I couldn't stop shrieking while i was bathing...

 

I slept immediately after settling down in the studio. Too tired to think of anything else. Woke up the next morning by Shafiq... Somebody was poking/tickling me all over and I thought it was Jingwen because she was sleeping beside me. Turns out it was Shafiq because after that, he attacked my face with his hair! Omg what a way to wake someone up, seriously... LOL. We were supposed to wake up an hour earlier than the time we woke up. I totally didn't hear any alarm that day. So shocking... Usually I'd hear alarms but i ignore. This time i really heard nothing.

 

3 of us wore grey tops, unplanned. Awesome or awesome? Awesome.

My angels.

My classmates

We went to bathe, freshen up and stuff.. Then we went to Burger King for breakfast!!! & rushed back to school for the only class of the day other than PP; Hiphop!~ Hiphop was soooo fun~~~~ We learnt a new choreography. Everyone could catch up really fast~ Mycs was impressed!! I was so happy that she didn't get angry with us. She no longer flares as much as she did in the past...

Had the whole afternoon till 3pm free. We went to Bugis Junction to eat. Well i didnt because i was still really full from breakfast. Went back to school and felt really sleepy. Fell asleep in the Creative Cube and almost froze to death again. Had the 2nd show at 9pm on Thursday too. Before the show, Andrea and I joined the performance students in their class games. They are such fun people!!!!!!

After the show, i helped Shawn and the other costume members out. I'm part of the costume group yet I'm doing nothing. Well because i don't know what i should do and everytime i wanna do something, Shawn gives me a very stressed look which makes me even more stressed. He almost scolded me cuz he heard me wrongly. Got so scared of him i swear. I went to Beverly for help instead. >< After awhile, things got better and he was more cooled and i felt less tensed..

 

We had to wait outside F303 because the acting students were using the room. While waiting, we decided to take turns to go bathe first. When it was our turn to bathe, we caught this couple having sex in the toilet WTF. Ok we didnt exactly caught caught them. I only saw them entering the toilet. Afiq was the one who confirmed that they were having sex. Omg awkward moment. I can't imagine how the girl will feel if another guy sees her in a guy's toilet. GOD. They both went out of the toilet at a different timing because I'm sure they know they were caught.

 

Slept at D201 instead because the acting lecturers unjammed F303 and we can't access into it anymore since it was already after 10.30pm. Everyone else were still so hyper and talkative.... I was already half dead. They even watched a movie which i slept after watching 5minutes of it. LOL.. Woke up the next day by Andrea's kissing noises. I THINK SHE REALLY KISSED ME. (or was i hallucinating?) I was so cold!!!!! My feet were so damn cold. Afiq was damn warm. I felt so good when i put my feet near him. It's like a human heater.

 

Family <3

 

We bathed, packed our stuff and rushed to Jitterbugs for Hiphop class. Mycs taught us another new routine!!!! OMG i love this routine so much!!! I just feel soooo comfortable doing this choreography~ Went to POMO for lunch and then headed back to school for improv class. Not that bad~ Slacked at the frass and we saw the fiqs. Went to the Creative cube together to assemble for PP. Walked in rounds and danced around and it was time for dinner already. Ate a currypuff because i was still full from lunch. Had 2 shows tonight. One was at 7pm and the other, at 9pm. Time just flew by like this and it was time to go home. Went to Mcd for supper because Andrea and Jingwen were hungry. Initially I didn't wanna order anything except for a drink because i obviously was damn thirsty. Then Afiq this boy, another food monster, sat there and said he didn't wanna eat anything. He obviously wanted to eat something so i ordered a medium coke and large fries to share with him. I went back to the table and he was acting all ungrateful and shit. I was just like dude what the fuck.

 

Mom drove me home. Got into a little quarrel over the phone with my mother before that. I really hate it when she asks me for directions. God damn it. I'm her damn daughter. Don't she know that I'm a direction idiot? Yes i travel around Singapore alot. BUT I TAKE THE TRAIN OR THE BUS OR I USE MY FEET. The routes are different!!!! Really pissed the hell outta me. I was really excited in seeing her and telling her all sorts of stories I could ever think of. But no i decided not to since I'm sure she's not even half as interested as i thought she'd be. Thank god she brought Latte along. This cutiepie made me felt so much better. Sigh his cute face.... 

 

So I'm finally home after 3 days. I miss my bed alot. But i also miss staying over with the others~~~ Nyahaha hope there are chances to stay over again~ There's still school tomorrow... It's also until 11pm. Sigh just kill me. I haven't even started on my dance history 1000 word essay. I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE TIME!!!!